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Do parents really do what's best for the kids during divorce?

  1. nmdonders profile image85
    nmdondersposted 5 years ago

    When going through a divorce and the parents or a parent claims that they're doing what's best for their kids, are they really?

    I have to say that in some cases it might be true but not for the majority.

    1. Annsalo profile image85
      Annsaloposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Some do some don't. Some are so busy being angry that they are blind to what they are really doing. The saddest situation is when one parent alienates the other parent from the child because they are angry. Hurts the children more than anything!

      1. lindiesl profile image59
        lindieslposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        You are right, that happens way too often and it is so sad to see a child be put in the middle like that.

    2. Kevin Peter profile image69
      Kevin Peterposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      It depends from parents to parents, as there have been parents of both kinds who do the best for the kids during divorce and who don’t

    3. AnnaCia profile image86
      AnnaCiaposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Hi, I would say that the main reason is because the two of them cannot deal with anything anymore or they (he/she) want out.  I want to believe that those who have children really do divorce thinking about the peace in the hearts of the little ones.

  2. Amberjewell profile image77
    Amberjewellposted 5 years ago

    I believe some do and some don't. I have seen both sides. For example, when my aunt and her husband divorced, she knew he had a great paying job, more stability and was able to care for their son better than she could, so she gave him full custody. He has grown up happy, blessed and things worked out so great to the point that my aunts current husband and her son's father are really good friends.
    Unfortunately, that's not always the case. In the case of my husband and his ex wife, she took off and left the kids with him for 2.5 or so years to party and live it up with no responsibility, then came back and tried to completely take them away from him, and currently feels she should have sole custody. Her children are so miserable for many reasons at their mother and her boyfriends house, but she generally makes decisions for them based on bitterness and resentment, and a bit jealousy.
    I think these types of situations are incredibly difficult and most parents cannot separate their personal feelings from what's best for the children. As Annasalo said, they are blinded to the selfish decisions they are making out of anger.

  3. lindiesl profile image59
    lindieslposted 5 years ago

    I have seen it way too often with friends and even family members who have to go through the court systems to battle out custody and child support and even though it is supposed to be what is in the best interest of the child, it never really is (I am sure not every time). When my oldest daughter's father and I decided to split from one another we just couldn't do that to our daughter. We never went through the court. He helped Me and our daughter find an apt. and move in and even after 6 years (and I am now remarried) he still helps provide for her. He splits school clothes with me, her activities and even her school pictures. If he wants her for a night or to go do something all he does is call and we work it out. It helped her transition really well and she never went through a lot of that 'divorced kid behavior' that I see in other children. It is much healthier for her. for us to coparent even if we don't live together and my husband understands that. When I get phone calls from my friends who are back in court yet again, their child is not doing well in school, the got into another fight with their ex, etc. it breaks my heart. I wish it was so easy for everyone to just realize the situation at hand and put their children first but I know not everything or everyone works that way.

  4. kj force profile image79
    kj forceposted 5 years ago

    Most people that go through a divorce are concerned with one thing..themselves...when children are involved they often are used as pawns to benefit whomever..they are leverage for either parent to get what they want..sometimes to get even...
    Children in almost any divorce up as victims...I personally feel if people would realize just how much damage divorce can do
    perhaps they would not be so selfish.....There are ways divorce can be be handled and children would not suffer.....

  5. puregrace profile image64
    puregraceposted 5 years ago

    When I hear "divorce," I am quickly saddened, because it all the cases I have known of, the children are not what the parents are concerned about first of all. We are naturally selfish people and want to be happy. When our relationship with our spouse is broken in some way, we have a hard time feeling the proper concern for our children. We shoo them away, turn on the TV, or do something that tells them we don't want them to bother us. So when the relationship between parents is finally broken up legally, who is most hurt? The children. Their happiness is not the parents' first concern. In fact, I think, they fool themselves into thinking that when they themselves are happy, then their children will also be. Wrong!
    When we give up of ourselves and live to serve others, even the spouse we are at odds with, over time, healing will come, and if not, at least, the one serving from a giving heart will be happy, and our children will at least have one parent they can count on.
    However, when there is physical abuse or deep emotional abuse, I believe a divorce may be necessary.

  6. psycheskinner profile image80
    psycheskinnerposted 5 years ago

    I am sure almost all of them are doing their best.

  7. Single With Kids profile image60
    Single With Kidsposted 5 years ago

    First of all I disagree that people divorcing don't think of the kids . Divorce is not something most families take lightly, in fact I held on to the remnants of a very toxic marriage for far too many years trying to avoid it - like a a number of my friends. Afraid of the effect separation would have on the kids, instead they experienced unhappy parents, and all the heavy and difficult atmosphere of a failing marriage.  7 years on from our eventual separation I can say my kids are happy, balanced and outperforming many of their peers - far happier than I believe they'd have been if we'd all limped on in such an emotionally negative environment.

    Going back to the original question, unfortunately after separation bitterness and conflict can blur parents intentions. Rather than put the children first, injured parents can unwittingly hurt the children by involving them in 'games' with their ex or, even worse, contact issues.  While it's only natural for ex partners to want to bury each other under the patio, it's hurtful to say so in front of the children - they usually love both parents and shouldn't be forced to take sides.

    My children have 50/50 contact with me and my ex and I've got to say it 's worked well. Their dad now has a new partner and baby, who the children adore - children can't have too many people to love them in my opinion. When I've quizzed the children what they'd change about  their childhoods the answer doesn't even mention the divorce but instead focuses on getting rid of my bright campervan and "strange dress sense" which embarrasses them.  They really don't realise how I delight in that answer!!