How did you cope when your kids left "the nest?"
Some kids leave home in their teens, some in their 20s to study/work or start their own life to become independent. Some parents are happy, some feel lost as their lives centred around their kids. How was it for you?
I am going through the first of it right now. This is one of the toughest experiences of my life. My daughter is only 2, but she is going to preschool now, after staying at home with me for the last 18 months. The freedom to go at will is nice, but is overshadowed by missing her presence. She fills my days with joy, and I am reeling a bit without her. I am coping by trying to keep busy writing and working.
It is fanastic, I no longer have to worry about the needs of a brood and I have the satisfaction of seeing my kids independent, making their own way.
I had only one kid a daughter who left me and went to the U.S with her boyfriend. The worst thing for me was that my wife too left me in the whole big argument that followed. I took it as just an event and left if to prudence to solve.
Six years hence I am happy now having a live in relationship with someone who really loves me.
Time is the remedy for every calamity under heaven. Just wait and lead a normal life. Something better will happen if you have patience.
It was hard. You think they can be a pain,but it is a loving pain. I did a lot of praying for their saftey and my strenth. Hard Hard Hard.
I really relished raising my daughters and it was so hard when the first one married. I am luck that she lives locally but it was still hard not to have her presence here on a daily basis to chat with and fix dinner with.
The young daughter married in 2005 and it was officially an empty nest. We had so much fun together it was really hard. I was very depressed for quite a while. Someone who went thru it told me it took her 2 years and that was about right.
I'm happy they are well, happy and productive but I still miss those little gals laid out in front of the TV with crayons and markers and working on some important project.
I think it was a little easier for my husband. He loves our girls and is a wonderful father, but I think he was pleased to have his wife back.
My oldest two are grown but keep coming back. I am still waiting to enjoy the peace. They are in their mid-20's. Life is rough in this area right now. Not many jobs.
.......I had no particular interest in the
" empty nest syndrome"....until, I found myself, in the middle of it.
It was a terrible time for me........I , a commanding career woman, felt " useless" and " unneeded".................the particular story, became among my first few hubs here. It just happens that each of my children left for school, shy of their 18th birthdays...
I made the jokes.........." I am not going to allow you to hang out for 18 years"....."No freeloading for you.......get up and get out"............It was all a mask.
For me, it was a truly a time of awakening......
No one, calling, " Mama"........fix this, I need this, can you do this, what's for dinner.......
After 20 years, suddenly................no one was calling for me, depending on me, needing me, looking to me for instructions, guidance, direction............I was accustomed to my husband being gone.......but my children had Needed Me.
When the first one left home, I still had two, when the second one left, I still had one..............but when she left...................I had NONE.........
My heart hurt..........hurt......... it was a very intense and emotional time for me. I had no true " support system"......no girlfriend shoulders, no confidant.........it had been career and children..........even my own husband ( a traveler) had been treated like a guest in our home.
I truly became intimate with pain and suffering, and my compassion, for others and their pain, in time, grew.
Today, I am proud of the women that my daughters have become. Weeks pass without hearing from them......they are busy just living. When a crisis arises or they have exciting news to share, or they just need reassurance...........they call their "Mama".
They ARE the testimony, that I served them well.
It is the way of the world.......
It was hard to see my oldest leave. He actually came home about 3 weeks later to get a hair cut from me. He did not want to pay a barber to get one, and that gave him an excuse to see his family. With my second and third son, I made them move to a rental their father had. They were 20 and 21 years of age. I felt it was time that they get on their own and take some responsibilty in life. After all they were still piling their dirty dishes in the sink for me to wash, I was still washing their clothes and cooking for them, and one of them was not picking up after himself at all. Mom is not a built in maid for the rest of her life, just because she is their mother. I was out of the house on my 18th birthday and never moved back. Boys need to learn sooner or later if they are going to have a family one day. That was a good start for them, and besides they still did not pay him any rent. They just had to paint it and mow the lawn and take care of the house! It really taught them a lot and it was good for them to learn. My mother constantly told me that she couldn't wait for me to turn 18 so she could kick me out. I took that literally and went to town and bought suitcases the day before my 18th birthday and came home and packed my bags and left. My girlfriend in college told me to come and live with her family for awhile till I find a place to live. They left all the yard work for me to do and always disappeared out of sight when it was time to mow or cut the shrubs.
My kids, just like yours, my fellow hubbers are slowly learning to live their own lives... after leaving their traces of needeness and co-dependency behind, I begin to learn a new way of independent life, one day at a time, I start to add things, activities, professional interests back in and when the time is right I will take a look at a more robust voluntary commitment again...it is a bitter-sweet sense of new freedom, with a hint of sadness I sense a refreshing in my attitude...new phase in my life:)
With a huge party. No, not really. It is sad when your kids finally leave home, but that just means that they are ready to face the world alone. That has to make anyone feel good considering we as parents gave them the knowledge to survive in the world.
I was quite happy for them to leave it meant they were grown up and mature enough. Doesn't stop you worrying about them though.
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