Were you ever bullied as a child?
Do you ever confront your bully as an adult? What ever became of the bully?
Yes, as a young child (middle school) I was heavy. The bullying was relentless. Not only by students, but also teachers. I would consider confronting the teachers; who were adults picking on their students, more so than the kids who did this. Actually, if I saw them in public, I probably would.
Sorry to hear that there are so many morons on this plant, JT. It's almost (no fun intended) ironic that now days EVERYONE is "heavy", so bullying for that reason is probably minimal. Confront teachers for sure--NO excuses for them! Sorry again, J.T.
Sorry to hear about the teachers but I can relate and actually wrote a hub about that! Thanks for your comments.
No - I was taught to speak softly and carry a big stick.
Lack of civility in my environment was not tolerated.
During my childhood, I understood that the individual must act positively to preserve self-respecting peace.
Those who disrespect others would not do so in my presence because they knew they would suffer the consequences of their actions.
Through positive action, the childhood environment was peaceful and happy.
So, you are saying it is the child's fault if they get bullied?
No - it was the parents fault.
When you teach your children to respect others, you must also teach them how to defend themselves against those who would "bully".
The child must be taught how to defend themselves.
This may mean carrying a big stick.
How can you defend yourself against teachers who would bully you and then lie to the administration? "YOU CAN'T."
Sorry - JThomp42 - but I did - filmed them while they were doing the act.
From that point on, no teacher ever tried it again.
In fact, several students who had not stepped forward against the teacher did so when the film was identified.
Good for you!! Wished I would have had that opportunity.
taburkett, can I send you a list of names of people that need proper education? (Starting with myself and my high heels--"Oh, sorry, did I step on you?"--that I wear now days.) Seriously, you should write a Hub on defending against bullies!
I was, but most often it only happened one time because I'd fight back. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but that's how I handled it. I've run into some of those bullies and never brought up what happened. In fact, I'm now friends with some of them.
Students and teachers (especially gym teachers) bullied me mercilessly throughout school, mostly for being tiny--very skinny and short (1 percentile for my age throughout school). Teachers would tell me to "just eat more", but it was simply genetics, sicknesses, and allergies to most foods. I would confront them now, no question.
Other kids bullied me (and what would now days be considered sexual harassment--highly inappropriate touching) for all manner of stupid reasons. For example, the very common brand of hairbrush I used--no kidding. I figured it was probably because I was so small they thought they could get away with it. And they did (except once--haha).
Yes. I moved to a different state and haven't seen or heard of any of them sense.
Yes, but I was taught to ignore it which I did and it got worse because then I was a pushover. I don't think it would have been as bad if I would have had more confident and stood up for myself.
I think you're right--the more I ignored it, the worse and worse it got. I think standing up to them in some appropriate/definitive way would have really helped me too.
Heather: Sorry you were subjected to it! Thanks for your comments, Kevin
I am considered lucky in my days of childhood as I was able to defend myself against bullies. I consider myself as street smart to handle all sorts of situation when it comes to bully.
Now I am teaching my kids how to handle if they ever in these sorts of situations.
Yes! I was bullied by several individuals in junior and senior high school. It wasn't until my senior year that everybody seemed to be my friend. I found out years later that it was because I through a kid down the hall for messing with my sister. The scary thing is that I don't remember the incident.
How horrible! What jerks! As if you're not living a hard enough life as-is, you need these degenerates making it more impossible. You were bullied because of the BULLIES, not because of YOUR circumstances.
Laura is right. Sorry it happened to you. Thank you for your comment.
no, i never bully anyone and nobody dares to bully me as i am fierce. I even scolded a boy for bullying my little brother in a school bus when i was young. You just have to stand up and fight for your rights.
peachpurple, you are 100% right: "...stand up and fight for your rights." Trying to improve my verbal defense skills, but I've got a long way to go. I'm too tiny to physically dominate anyone, except to accidentally step on jerks in my high heels.
Yes indeed; well he tried. When I began middle school there was an 8th grader who was bullying us for lunch money at the corner store by our school, When he started to threaten me (after extorting money from several friends) by demanding money or fighting... I simply elected to defend myself.
Now I understand some of my friends were not prepared to do this and I began to understand how a bully is empowered. So I fought him. Not only because my money was too valuable to give away but also because I understood how to bring a bully back down to earth. He was a poor fighter like most bullies (I played hockey) since most bullies are picked on within their own environment either by family or other "bullies" so they are simply victims externalizing their pain to vulnerable others. This is a common phenomena...
Great answer! Especially, "... some of my friends were not prepared to do this..." and "This is a common phenomena" (sadly, you're right on those points). Thanks for your insights and for standing up for those who couldn't. You made a difference!
Yes, I grew up in a very violent city. You had to walk quietly through alleys every day just to avoid getting beat up. You had to out think them. A lot of them were already grown men. The secret path was to avoid open areas on the streets where they commonly attack people. It worked from grade school to high school with two exceptions. After going away to college, I never returned to that city ever again. The gangs and criminals took over the whole town eventually.
It is good that you were able to avoid the pitfalls of gangland bullying. Many in those situations perish under the evil. The immoral society needs to be eliminated. This requires a strong managed moral group willing to combat the evil.
Excellent answers, both Sri T and taburkett! Sri T, I'm so sorry for what you went through and I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to, as taburkett said, "avoid the pitfalls of gangland bullying." You were smart to never go back. Peace!
I was never bullied, nor have I ever bullied someone else. I don't know if it was as common as it is now back in the day. I feel awful for children these days (and even adults) who are bullied, especially with the use of social media and the way it can be used in the wrong context. It is awful.
Yes i was bullied at school. I fought back. They were never seen again. Just to clarify they were still alive when I left them on the school ground.
Oh my yes. Bullys destroyed my brother, literally. All four of us kids were bullied incessantly. Ruthlessly and constantly. I carried the hatred for a long long time into adulthood. My daughter has been bullied. Once. Never again. She now knows Krav Maga and has been told she may never start a fight but she has my blessing to finish one.
SavannahEve, what a horrible background you and your siblings had! I am so sorry for you all. I am delighted that you ended the cycle of bullying by teaching your daughter to defend herself and permission to finish a fight, never start one. Kudos!
This is a great questions. I was bullied while I was going thru my parents divorce and getting diagnosed with ADD. At the time it seemed like the end of the world.... Just recently I was that one my my bullies is working at a pool town.... it was odd to see this person I had given so much power in my life at the time in such a low spot in life... It is good insight to have when talking to some of the younger members in my family.
I'm so sorry you were bullied at your most vulnerable points in life--divorce and ADD. I can see where knowing the outcome of a bully's upbringing/wicked ways would help when talking with others; that's a really good observation! Cheers!
Great point- I think the key is that we do (or did) empower the bullies! Thanks for your comments!
Great Question KevinC9998! The survey says of the 17 answers, of which one is a comment by you only 2 were not bullied of the remaining 16. That says 87.5% were bullied in some manner growing up. That is 7/8ths of the whole or what is left is only 1/8 slice of a pie that did not have someone else hands on it or fingers poking them with a metaphor. The other pieces of the pie had some markings on it.
The questions come alive with observation while sharing my experience is similar, however I ponder. I say "yes" with today's definitions from a view of sociological. When the events occurred they were viewed much differently and bulling did not have the same definitions then. I am being specific of first grade was 1961 and graduated 1972.
Attending 7 different schools in that interim period of learning and development meant different neighborhoods. However those neighborhoods were closer to 10 since moving within the same school district. That occurred living "on board" a military base and their assigned housing fitting family needs.
Each new neighborhood and playground meant a challenge would always, emphasizing, always would ensue by the dominate figures both of the male gender and the female gender. Since bullying is gender neutral those changes offered the establishment of dominant by either a person, a figure head of a group, or a group for a "new kid on the block or playground." Fortunately Superman was a favorite black and white TV broadcast then otherwise I am not sure how I would have survived. Each event offered a different solution set.
About the third time my dad taught me a method for resolving the conflict of new on the playground. I was suppose to meet the dominate figure the next day. A fight was the challenge and I was destined to lose as always. Skinny was not a good attribute, even though usually more Wednesday night wrestling occurred than actual blows. It varied.
The resolve was simply stating and paraphrased "This is your challenge and you will surely win. My dad said to go down fighting. My dad said I cannot throw the first punch. Your turn . . ."
It was as termed by an old colloquial phrase a "Stand off" or with chess it is termed "Check." The next move was his. He thought for near 10 minutes from memory. He was egged on by pals & buds. He reached up, pushed my shoulder, and then said, "your turn."
I looked at him, glanced at my best friends Tom and Becky, smiled, then said, "You win . . ." and walked away with friends.
Tim, thanks for the math showing what a huge deal bullying really is. Quantifying gets attention addressed to the problem! I'm so sorry for your childhood problems, but love the playground solution story! Thanks for sharing your hard-earned wisdom!
Tim: Great analysis and obviously you also have a great memory. Unfortunately many of us forget or bury these types of unpleasant memories. In my case, I am not sure who was more intimidating, the classmate bullies or some of the teachers! Thanks,
Thank you Luara & Kevin. Kevin I agree with the teacher analogy, yet I ponder. A secret discovered by a fellow hubber I know as Lurana, a poet, is that ponder is a secret word I use. Pond is fluid & dynamic like water is and er is really ear.
Yes but I always had my brother to back me up or my Italian friend, who was too big to be a sixth grader.
As a guy in my 50s, I always thought of being bullied as the big guy picking on the little guy or the fat kid picked on or the kid with glasses. But as life goes on and more attention has come to the forefront on this issue, I realize that I was bullied a lot. I just didn't know it at the time. I'm not sure what I classified certain treatments as, but not bullying. To me, bully meant something physical. Now I know I was bullied academically, athletically and socially. If a clique didn't want me, I was pushed out. If I wasn't as gifted as the rest of the class, I was pushed out, All in all, my self esteem was bullied into feeling that I didn't belong anywhere. If this is bullying, then Yes. I was.
Yes I have been bullied as a child. I think there will always be people who try to be the best or biggest person in school and at work. I never confronted the bully, I just moved away and learned about her later and the issues she was having in her life.
When I was 12yrs old, I was a short, skinny, introvert , but I also had a horrible temper, when our local street gang started picking on me I lost it pretty quick, and after a very short scuffle with the biggest boy, the rest left me alone.
My father taught me to always stand up for myself and never let anyone bully me. Also to always take the biggest threat down first and the rest will leave you alone. A few years later I had a ridiculous growth spurt i grew a foot taller and ended up 6''4 and 230 pounds, I have not been bullied since.
If possible its always best to stand up to bullies, if not, take it to the authorities and let them handle it.
As for the bully, I later found out his parents had divorced because his father was abusive, he quit the gang and went to live with his mother a year after our fight.
We did meet as adults, about 10 years later, but neither one of us brought up that incident.
I am not sure if what happened to me even qualifies as bullying. since it didn't last very long at all.
Yes, it qualifies as bullying--you just dispatched the situation post-haste to ensure it wouldn't be repeated. Good for you! Good for your father to give you that advice, also: about taking down the biggest threat first. Great lessons to pass along.
Yes I was bullied verbally when I was young (those who are older than me) because they said my color is like a charcoal. I used to play under the heat of the sun that darkens my color.
Yup. I got bullied in first grade: punched in the nose, knocked down, repeatedly. I immediately transfered out of the school.
I've never confronted the bully face-to-face, but there are many therapeutic methods of reliving the experience in a relaxed state that allow the brain to associate the calm, safe physiology you have with the anxious, frightened physiology you had in that situation.
The new connection between safe and dangerous allows the tension to dissipate if you consciously breathe into it and continue to relax. Check out the Mind-Body Code by Mario Martinez if this type of therapy interests you. He is the pioneer of biocognitive therapy and he guides you through 6 different exercises on the program along with over 5 hours of instructional audio.
It has changed and continues to change my life in recovery from traumas like this in my past.
JMJ, I'm so sorry that this happened to you but glad that you were able to transfer out of the school (not an option for most, I think). Thank you for the advice on the Mind-Body Code and your benefits--you should write an article on it. Fascinating!
My son was bullied for over half of this past school year. Luckily for him the boy who was such a nightmare for all the kids in the class was kicked out of school. We're talking about a 10 year old! My son's grades dropped to D's and F's during the period. After the bully was gone, my son finished the year with A's and B's. I put him in a martial arts class too so he could learn to defend himself, though he knows he must not start the fight. I wasn't bullied as a child. Several tried, but I'd put them in their place ASAP. I was (and am) very protective of underdogs and watched out for them as well. I remember when I was very young (Kindergarten) my brother protected me on several occasions from mean kids. Maybe that's where I learned what to do!
Good for you all around, denisefenimore! Your attitude and approach, if spread wide enough, will end/minimize bullying and the world will be better for all. Sorry that your son had to undergo bullying, but he's got a great mom-teacher-role model. :-)
I am glad your son bounced back! yes, I always root for the under dog!
Thinking back to my days at school, yep I got bullied a few times as a kid but it didn't last long. Mostly I just avoided them & they forgot about me so it all worked out.
In year 9 my mum used to teach Japanese in school, maybe that kept them away
I remember being beat up and bullied for no reason as a child. People have taken things and robbed me. I am not sure as to what came of the bullies because I kept my distance. All i know is that any form of bullying is wrong and I dont think schools do enough to prevent this atrocity from taken place. Sometimes it's swept under the rug as normal until serious situations arise such as bringing knives and weaponry to school in order to defend themselves.
Yes I was in the 5th grade I was the smallest male in my class at 51 pounds. By the 7th grade I'd had enough and started fighting back win loose or draw and the bullying ended. Today we are friends.
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