How to Move On

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   schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years ago

   How long did it take for you to move on after your relationship was over or marriage was over?

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   Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

   Depends on the person and the magnitude of the relationship. A couple of exes were really hard to get over but it happened after being unattached for about a year in both cases. The ones that bailed on me after a short time because they didnt give me enough of a chance or i didnt express myself clearly were the ones that lingered in my mind for too long.

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I left someone 7-9 mo ago and they are still in my dreams, and I think of them alot. It hurt me to find out they were dating someone 1/2 my size. But I think they found this someone even before I dumped them- because they moved and this person lived in their apt complex. I wish I could move on but I don't have a new boyfriend which makes it harder I guess. We were togEthEr almost 6 yrs. Oh and the fact that they controlled me and made me think they were the best piece of cake.........................well

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      1. 60

         Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         That's awful schoolgirl. everyone is entitled to their free will. All you can do is allow yourself to be free of him. Manipulation is driven by fear of giving up that which is temporary. I give you permission to be loved. Start by loving yourself.

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            Erikainoceansideposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Excellent reply Jonathan. Loving myself is what I'm working on now. I have my good and bad days, yet the process so far has been remarkable. Thank you for your post.

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            schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            You are wonderful!
            
            Thankyou ...

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         Lisa HWposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Sometimes a lot of what feels like "not moving on" is really a matter of not yet being used to not having someone around all the time.  It may be a poor comparison, but my daughter moved to her own place last Fall and brought her cat (who'd I'd cared for for several years) with her.  I didn't mind seeing the cat go, but - boy - it took me about four months just to get used to not having it in the back of my mind that there was a cat in the house to make remarks to as I went through a day (or to get used to not thinking about feeding her, being able to have live flowers on my table again, etc. etc.).  So, if you figure it can take that long to get used to not having a cat (who is happily with her "girl" somewhere else), it's probably reasonable that you're not yet used to not having the person around.  I think (at least if that's what's going on with you), you just have to keep your mind busy on other things/people, and the each day/month will eventually "move you on".
         
         In answer to your question about moving on after divorce:  Personally, we both had moved on before the divorce; so even though the divorce was big, bizarre, long-drawn-out, complicated deal (that rivaled Charles' and Diana's  ), it took me zero time to "move on".  That doesn't mean I went out and found myself someone new immediately after.  I wasn't interested in that for a number of reason.  "Moving on" isn't always about finding someone "to replace" the other person, though.  It's about taking stock of what you've learned from the earlier relationship, growing as a person, and being more whole as an individual before moving into any new relationship.

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            schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            very good insight, Lisa, very (tremendously good). As you say. And it's not easy, and it will not go away overnight. being used to something
            almost like he died or a relative died, a big loss.
            thanks for the comments. I should really print this page.

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   rachelsholidayposted 12 years ago

   I've typically tried to give myself at least a year off between break-ups.  I find that when you're in a relationship that ends you're something less than yourself and a year is really helpful to get back to yourself.

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   LuisEGonzalezposted 12 years ago

   OK so it hurts to have ended a relationship of 6 years, but move on. Think that losing you is HIS loss and someone else who is better will come along when you least expect it. Just remember He will not forget the times you had together for a long time and sooner or later when HIS current interest wears off HE will start thinking about them. 

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   kmackey32posted 12 years ago

   I was married and moved on RIGHT AWAY and I was with him for 6 years but in the end HATED him....

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   princess gposted 12 years ago

   It was relatively easy to move on from my last relationship. I hadn't seen him in months anyway(long distance relationship)
   
   Plus, I'd already given up on it before we broke up anyway

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   BarbieGirl79posted 12 years ago

   I was with my ex-BF for 4 years!! It take me about a year to really get over him & found someone new!! I found My Real Love & My husband Robby of 7 years together & almost 4 years. Married!!

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   R.S. Hutchinsonposted 12 years ago

   I dont think love ever dies.. it just fades and we try to ignore it.
   
   After a while, our taste changes.. once that happens then we realize that we are no longer in love with that person and it's then that we can truly move on.
   
   don't beat yourself up if you're still hung up on your ex.. my most painful loss still echoes in my heart years later.

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      This is a guess but I think the most romantic people have it the hardest, just a guess. and thanks

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