Overprotective Parents of Near Adult Children

1. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 12 years ago

   There are parents of near adult children who actually decide what college/university their children should attend.   They believe that as parents, they know what is the best college/university for their children.    They discount the decisions of their children.   Besides that, these same parents also choose the majors of their children?   These so-called well meaning parents believe that their children are not mature and/or experienced enough to choose a marketable major.    I believe that these parents are crippling their children which will adversely affect their college life and beyond.

   replyreport
   1. 73

      Quilligrapherposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      If the parents are paying the bills then they deserve some role in the decisions.

      replyreport
      1. 76

         msshandriaballposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I am one of those parents .I have chosen the college my daughter will be going to .She had a choice of two,and yes I let her choose her own major.I know it is her life.Choosing your child's major is too much.I am learning to let go .She will be 18 on Dec 13.I am getting sad...my baby is a young woman.

         replyreport
         1. 73

            Quilligrapherposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            We've been there, done that, three times over!
            
            I urge you to rejoice and not to be sad. Parenting is not about raising children; it is all about raising adults. The pride I feel when I observe the lives of our three is my reward for letting go of our “babies”.

            replyreport
2. 79

   cyoung35posted 12 years ago

   I think many parents feel that since they are footing the bill in most cases that they need to be involved in the decision. I went through this feeling when my first was looking at colleges and majors but I had to let her make the decision. If she asked for advice I gave it and onl;y at that point. Don't get me wrong, college is very expensive and most parents pay for most of it but I want my child to be happy in whatever she chooses as a career. We should support them not make the decisions for them as they will never stop relying on you.

   replyreport
   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I staunchly believe that when a person reaches 18-he/she is an adult and should be capable of making adult decisions.  This is what is wrong with middle class and upper middle class youth, they are totally infantilized beyond repair.   
      
      When people reach 18 years of age, they are quite capable of choosing what college/university they should attend.   It is their life and if they choose unwisely, they will have to live with the consequences of their actions.   How can our youth learn to make decisions if mommy and daddy breastfeed them constantly.  This is totally beyond ridiculous and inane to the milnillionth degree.    18 years olds are to choose their own colleges and their majors.
      
      Children should be raised to be independent from an early age.   If raised correctly, an intelligent 14 year old should be able to make many mature decisions.  Stop babying and moddycoddling our children and let them have baby steps regarding making decisions.    C'mon,  if mommy and daddy chooses baby's college and major,  baby will be a total flop in the work world as no right thinking employer would hire such an immature numbnut!  I know I would not!  This is not romper room, folks.   Let your children grow up and go!  Amen!

      replyreport
3. 60

   dragnhazeposted 12 years ago

   I believe as parents you are there to teach your child, and teach only.  Teaching does not entitle right of decision making.  As the teacher you are there to teach the child how to interact with their surroundings in an appropriate manner, you are to teach them that every action has a reaction so it's wise to think before you act, and you are to teach them that they themselves are responsible for themselves, which means making their own decisions, and taking responsibility for whatever action and reaction they cause.

   replyreport
4. 83

   rebekahELLEposted 12 years ago

   very true.
   Even young infants can begin to learn independence and should learn some independence.
   I think one of the biggest mistakes in parenting are parents who insist their child think/act a certain way instead of teaching and showing them how to observe and learn, ask questions, analyze, evaluate, etc. Teach a child how to use his brain instead of trying to mold it or control it.

   replyreport
5. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 12 years ago

   Amen to that.    Your children are not extensions of you but autonomous individuals in their own right.   Parents who believe that their children are extensions of them are in for quite a rude awakening as their children become older and more independent.   Such parents often have the worst relationships with their teenage, young adult, and adult children.    Parents who treat their children as individuals have the warmest and most rewarding relationships.   Their teenage, young adult, and adult children want to be close to them.   You have made an excellent point.   Parents-learn WHEN to let go, you will be better for it!

   replyreport