Grown Children Who Just -Well, Will NOT Grow Up and Leave Home

1. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 12 years ago

   Most children once they are grown and established cannot WAIT to leave the parental home and establish their own roots elsewhere.   Many children once they are established financially do just that.   However............yes, there is ALWAYS a however, there are grown children who are so comfortable in the parental home that they are making no plans to leave the comfortable abode anytime soon.  If you are a parent of a grown child or children, do your child/children have or in the pocess of establishing their own roots elsewhere or they living in your residence?

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      Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I like your hub because many familes have this issue , I have raised six all are adults ,yet there statis veries my older children you would think would be more stable ,yet my younger are more responsible and are good achievers , My youngest only 27 owns his own simi and company, My youngest daughter  is in Dental field and part time college . My oldest boy nothing ! My third child nothing. MY odest daughter 37  6 kids and now she wants to go to college! .Something is in our food lol! we are battling more then we can see .I am in my fifties now and can see a better pic .It is not always the parents ! its the choices our young adults take. and it is up to the parents when to let go and allow them to make the good and bad choices. And if you as a parent was not in the picture where would they go then . help them now !practice not being thier for there good.

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         gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you for your marvelous input.

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   independentmindedposted 12 years ago

   I agree that most kids, by the time they reach adulthood, in terms of chronological age, want to leave home and become more independent.  There are instances, however, when it's advisable for a kid, even when s/he reaches young adulthood, to go it more slowly. 
   
   Speaking for myself,  I tried moving away from home when I was in my early 20's, and found that I wasn't quite ready for it, because I was still too immature to handle it.  So, after a rough year at college, where a Respiratory Therapy Program (although it was excellent) failed to work out for me, I dropped out of the program, moved back home, and took afew more years off to decide what I really wanted to do with my life.  Afew years later, I decided to try living away from home once again, and, this time, it worked. 
   
   I started off living at a YWCA, then in a University dorm, then a University-owned apartment,  the attic of a house near BU, a rent-controlled apartment in a nearby city, and then, after 7 years, I moved into the condo/loft where I've happily resided for the past 24 years.

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      gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      ++++.

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         Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thats great  how you just did not give up ,you worked a plan ! and itsnothing better then having your own space as a grown up.with your own rules.

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            gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Amen to that.   One must own his/her life in order to feel empowered and whole!

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               Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               those are great words to live by! and when we really appreciate the one who gave us life we will never go wrong! thank you for that thought  JW !

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   Brinafr3shposted 12 years ago

   The way the economy is these days, it's a great thing that younger adults just go to college and work a part-time job. I'm not in a rush for my oldest child to leave home. I refuse to push her out the door, (so to speak). She will be receiving a BA degree soon, I'm so happy about that.

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      Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You are a great Mom and many of us do not push our children out the door! like the robin and many birds teach that it is time to leave the nest , to fly on your own, to get your own nest. they have to learn to teach thier own children some day. Your daugter is doing great with your support . I agree with you .But I think we are talking about young adults who abuse there parent support and do nothing with thier lifes just eat sleep and complain why they cannot chang, and better themselfes. these are the ones that need to be pushed out the nest to fly. they are too old for the crap!

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   Lisas-thoughts101posted 12 years ago

   I would just be happy if my 21 year old could hold a job or stay in school. My 28 year old has had a job non-stop since the day after her 16th birthday and now owns her own coffee shop. My 21 year old has learning disabilities and I'm not sure if this is the difference? He graduated high school but hasn't gone to school or worked more than a few months since. It is very disheartening. I'm not sure what to do. I give him almost no money except gas money to look for a job and maybe 10 or 15 more a month, tops. I'm at a loss. I'm hoping maturity will help him and the situation.

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      gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      If he is challenged, he is doing the best that he can and you must support him.  If he is trying which he is, give him credit.  I am talking about children who are not challenged and can find jobs but prefer for some reason to remain in the comfort of the parental home.

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5. 89

   Stacie Lposted 12 years ago

   Yes there are many
   "boomerang kids"I wrote about i .There are also some that call them the Y generation.
   Y should I get a job?
   Y should I leave home and find my own place?
   Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
   Y should I clean my room?
   Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
   Y should I buy any food?

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      gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      ++++.

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      Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I like that word boomerang ! that is so true ! a human boomerang !

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         Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I also have a son who is disable he has a learning disabilty .he is 30 and there are programs and aid for them. he even has his own place being disable ,one bedroom ,me and his sis go and care for his needs ! but he has his own nest. and his own comforts. It will take family support to set this up.

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      wbfreeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      lol, the Y generation? That's a good one.
      
      It's an amazing thing that there are so many 30 and 40 something year olds still living with mama. I especially hate to see men who have fathered several children, and the woman is off on her own with a job, car, etc struggling, but making it. However, the man is still living at home with mama and don't even have or car or can hold down a steady job. There's something wrong with that.
      
      Even if I could only get a job cleaning houses and could only afford a one room shack and be on my own, I'd do it. It would be my castle and i would not be a burden on my parents.

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         Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Now thats what I am talking about ! you said all !

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         gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I know a man in my complex who is over 40 years of age and lives with his mother.  It seems that he never works and has a motorcycle.   Yes, that is all he does is ride his motorcycle.  He is the oldest of three children.  All three children lived at home at one time.  The sister obtained an excellent job in management and is living on her own.  The youngest son is college age.

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            Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            what a living example! but dont you think many times it is about money and living off your parents income? or exspense?

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               gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Naturally, of course!

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                  Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  I am trying really to understand , I do have a son that does  nothing even though I taught him about resposibilty .he can and will work for a pack of cigarets , he will do lawn care. I taught him young.he did come home a few times  and the last time he left he has not returned ! I love him and I worry sometimes,but he had to leave the nest,

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   WD Curry 111posted 12 years ago

   So what? Each to his own. Live and let live. Why worry about your neighbor's business when you have business of your own to attend to?

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      Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      true but iron sharpens iron ! we can up build or tear down , that depends on the person!  who can share thier experiences and wisdom. this may enlighten some one. after all we have had teachers from elementry on up who made many people thier buisness.

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7. 85

   rebekahELLEposted 12 years ago

   I think there are various reasons why grown children are living at home later. Some of the reasons are circumstantial. But if a parent has a problem with it, then I think the first place to look is their own parenting techniques.
   Some young adults have grown up never having to do anything other than be a part of a family. Parents gave them whatever they wanted, didn't require chores to be done, told them what they should think, how they should act, who they should be friends with, did their science projects, drove their homework to school if they forgot it, on and on. Is that the child's fault? It's the parents. Why would that grown child want to leave? He's not ready to live on his own.

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      gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you and preach on!

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   Stacie Lposted 12 years ago

   These adult (children) are living at home because their parent(s) dont want them to grow up.
   If they stay at home,then they remain young and dependent on the parent,which allows mom or dad to feel useful.
   Of course its not always that way but I've found that situation to be true for at least one.

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      gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      OMG, you are I are of the same sentiment.  I have voiced the same thing.   ++++.

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      Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      that is another thought to keep in mind ,why adult children are still at  home. I must agree that there are parents who do not let go ,in order for there children to start living there own lifes.

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