I'd like feedback on my Hub: Romance on the appalachian trail

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   willmcwryterposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Romance on the appalachian trail (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      SheilaMilneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I think you've been watching YouTube again....

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         willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         i do spend allot of time on youtube and that is how i found hubpages.

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      Kylyssaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Your story doesn't need to be longer, it just needs to be written with a lot more care for grammar, spelling, capitalization, punctuation, characterization, dialogue, and plot.
      
      You can probably get it past the QAP if you fix the grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation, but it's unlikely to be shared by readers due to its other problems.

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         willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         thank you for the feedback. i should capitalize more words at the start of the sentence. i think my punctuation is pretty good but everyone has room for improvement.  but what do you mean about dialog and plot?  its got a great plot and snappy dialog.  and two characters.

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            Kylyssaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            You have way too much story told (rather than shown) in far too few words. A short story needs a tightly-focused plot. The shorter the story, the tighter the plot must be focused.
            
            The dialogue doesn't move the plot along or show much about the characters. You have no room for filler in a piece so short.
            
            As to punctuation, I'd suggest you start by giving yourself a refresher course on the use of quotation marks and then go on from there.
            
            And yes, you have two characters. I'd recommend looking up the meaning of characterization so you can work on improving it.

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               willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               ok as i said thank you for you feedbacks but it is published now so the editor thinks my story is good just the way it is all i had to do was fix my grammar because i admit that part was bad.

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   relacheposted 8 years ago

   Your flash fiction is only 239 words, and there isn't a single sentence that doesn't contain some sort of grammatical, capitalization or punctuation error.
   
   The reviewers are looking for 800 words or more, that a reader would find useful or helpful.  This site does not want material that resembles random blog entries and blurbs.

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      willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      well thanks i guess for reading it and providing your feeback but i have to disagree about what this site wants i have read lots of flahs fiction and even shorter poems with lots of comments.  A couple of buddies of my read the story and they think it was great. different strolks for different folks as they say.
      
      i bet they unpublished because i didn't put the tags. i read about tags.  i don't kwno what tags are. do i make a new section with the subtitle Tags and list some keywords?

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         sallybeaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Could I make a suggestion!  Try downloading the free Grammarly, it should be a great help when replying to comments or preparing your articles for publication.
         
         The writers here are giving you good advice, they have been at it for a long time and know what works and what does not.

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            willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            okay i should work on grammer it is not one of my strong suites.

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               theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               Sounds like 'myshortstories'. Is your name Andrew?

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                  willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  My first name is William but McWryter is just my pen name.

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                     theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                     How old are you, William?
                     
                     Edit: Love your pen name!

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                        willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        18 are you interviewing me

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                           theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                           No, I'm just trying to gauge how to respond to you. We've recently been through a 'difficult' experience with a young writer.
                           
                           So, one thing you need to do is to listen to hubbers who have been here a while. It may feel as though they are being harsh but they aren't. When people offer advice, take note, then go check out their own writing if you like.
                           
                           You need to know that HubPages is not a great platform for fiction these days. It's mainly for magazine-type articles that show up in search engines. To earn any money here you need plenty of traffic, and fiction doesn't usually get very much. You might find it more profitable to set up your own blog, where you can add Amazon ads (such as blogger) to earn a bit of money.

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      DrMark1961posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      This is so bad that it must be one of those reincarnated trolls trying to anger those that waste the time reading it. Surely no one could make that many mistakes by accident.
      "But wait", he argues, "me and a few buddies sat around drinking and they stopped watching funny videos on YouTube long enough to read this. They told me it was one of the best stories they had ever written. Wheeee!!!"

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         willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         it is fine if you don't care for my style but i have not insulted anyone so why are you insulting me.

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            DrMark1961posted 8 years agoin reply to this

            If you are not the person who was here last week then I apologize. Your writing style looks a lot like his though, and that person tore through here offending all the writers who bothered to give any help.

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               SheilaMilneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               I think it's more likely to be one of the people who discussed the HubPages video from years ago, but I can't remember which thread that was.

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   willmcwryterposted 8 years ago

   OK guys thank you for the feedbacks. I used MS Word spell checker and Grammarly and made all the sentences start with capital letters and added punctuation marks because I had been missing allot of them and I didn't notice and I spelled more words correctly too.  Now it has really good grammar and I resubmitted it for publication.
   
   I don't know about another writer that some people think I am.  Who is this person who writes like me?  I would like to read his stories.

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      sallybeaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      A vast improvement and well worth the effort.  May I suggest that you do the same with your profile page now.

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         willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         yea thank you mrs. bea it is published now.

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      SheilaMilneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      "There was nobody Dwight and Carla would rather be with than Dwight and Carly." Are they and/or you having identity crises?

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      SheilaMilneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Dwaine → Dwane → Duane → Dwayn → Dwight → Dawn
      
      Carli → Carly → Carlie → Carla → Carlos
      
      or did I miss a proper Charlie?

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         willmcwryterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         I don't understand what you are trying to say.  My hub is now published so it was the grammar that was the problem not the keywords or other peoples opinion about my writing style and the story line.  i am a hubpages published author now.

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