after a year into our relationship he decided to leave me , the only answer he g

1. 56

   jenni4768posted 13 years ago

   after a year into our relationship he decided to leave me , the only answer he gave me was that
   
   he has too much on his plate and he cant be consumed with thinking about me. i am devestated and want him back what should i do?

   replyreport
2. 63

   ThunderKeysposted 13 years ago

   One possibility is asking him to attend evidence-based couple's counselling (emtion-focused-therapy or Gottman-based counselling), to see if the relationship can be salvaged or at least to get the best available help for you to adapt to relationship ending in a healthy way.
   When he says "too much on" his "plate" he may be badly expressing that core-relationship needs are not being met. I'm a profesional counselor. Please take a look at my article to understand better where I'm coming from and feel free to post additional questions. I'll do my best to get you helpful information.

   replyreport
3. 60

   JayDee Sterlingposted 13 years ago

   You put on your high heeled shoes, preferably red, you pull out your magic wand and you give this man what he wants.   If his plate is too full to think about you, then so be it.  You cannot make anyone want, need or love you.  Don't spend your valulable time agonizing over someone who made it exceedingly, abundantly clear that he could not be the man that you need, want and desire.
   
   The good news is, having too much on his plate will make him end up fat, old and ugly.  Don't be devastated, don't even think that way, don't let anyone take your power away from you. Think about how fabulous you are and how there is no one else like you, even if you have an identical twin, you are still you and no one can take that away from you.  And when you are reminding yourself how fabulous you are, remember there is a man out there looking for you right now.  Now, go get back in the game!  Best wishes.

   replyreport
4. 60

   Becky532posted 13 years ago

   Hi Jenni,
   I am sorry you are going through this! Breakups are so tough.  Based on what you said, these are my thoughts.  When he said he has too much on his plate, that suggests that your relationship was a low priority to him, as he likely could have given up something else.  When he says he can't be consumed with thinking about you, that tells me he is being selfish! Or maybe he is just not willing/able to deal with the relationship.  Now its hard to say because I don't know if anything else happened (in your relationship). 
   But it sounds like maybe this came up out of the blue? He could also be making an excuse and thinking "I have too much on my plate" would be a good reason to tell you. 
   Either way, I don't have a great impression of this guy. Obviously after dating him for a year you feel differently and I DO understand why you are devestated. But, you should try to think if you want him back because you miss what you thought you had or what you really had.  If you really have a guy who thinks you are the first thing to go on his filled up plate, then you need to pick yourself up and believe that you will get someone who would never leave you no matter how much he had on his plate.
   JayDee-I like that confidence building! Jenni, be sad for a while and grieve, and then get yourself back out there!

   replyreport