Would the details of how a partner cheated matter?

1. 76

   danielleantoszposted 12 years ago

   Would the details of how a partner cheated matter?
   
   For example, did they fess up, were they drunk, had they continued talking to the other person, how much planning went into the cheating, etc.

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2. 74

   cathylynn99posted 12 years ago

   nope. if they had unprotected sex with someone else, they would have to have protected sex with me for the next six months until their HIV test came back negative. also would be tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphillis, and hepatitis B and C. we would go to marriage counseling to see if we could prevent a recurrence. (i guess the details might come up there.) if they cheated again, i would call it a pattern and say sayonara.
   
   if they gave me a sexually transmitted disease other than that little nuisance, herpes, it would be over without the marriage counseling and second chance, because that would show blatant disregard for my well-being. they couldn't possibly love me and do that.

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3. 88

   suzettenaplesposted 12 years ago

   Yes, I would talk it through before ending the relationship.  There are always circumstances to consider.  If the cheater knows why he/she has cheated and what the causes were, then perhaps the relationship can be salvaged.  But if the cheater has no insight as to why he/she cheated then he/she will do it again.  It would take a lot of talking and may be counseling to put the relationship back together.  Once trust and respect are broken they are not easily put back in place.  But, I never say never.

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4. 84

   wychicposted 12 years ago

   No, the details don't matter, it is what it is. If he's capable of doing something like that when he's drunk, he shouldn't get drunk. Worse, drunk tends to lift inhibitions to do things that you'd normally know better than to do -- but it's usually things that are still hidden desires. I'd listen to him if he wanted to talk about it (after I'd had my initial cool-off time), and then I'd probably still ask him to have the rest of his stuff out of the house by the end of the week. That's the one line that we both understand will not be crossed in this relationship, and that there will be no relationship if it is.

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5. 61

   VENZKHVAMposted 12 years ago

   WHEN CHEATING IS ESTABLISHED STRAIGHTAWAY PROCEED TO THE PUNISHMENT

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6. 75

   JEDIJESSICUHposted 12 years ago

   I agree with ElSeductor. If you cheated, you cheated. I don't care how you did it or why, our relationship is over because I will never be able to trust you again on the same level.

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7. 71

   Allen Williamsposted 12 years ago

   There might be some level of curiosity as to the details but by knowing them would not change the fact that she would be gone.  Once a cheater, always a cheater.  I don't associate with people once a trust has been betrayed.

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8. 60

   whoisbidposted 12 years ago

   I believe that it is important to try to understand others because everyone does things that we don't like which we see on the outside. I know someone who stole from me and I cornered him privately and he confessed to it and pleaded for mercy. I gave him that mercy and many years later he became one of the most trustworthy people I know. On the other hand I know someone else who did something similar and he is still the same and maybe even worse except that his crimes are not stealing (since he was caught) but something else.

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9. 61

   nightwork4posted 12 years ago

   not at all. in fact i wouldn't even listen because one thing i hate is excuses for doing wrong.

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