Has anyone divorced experience their child saying they dont want to go to their

1. 90

   aDayInMyLife1posted 12 years ago

   Has anyone divorced experience their child saying they dont want to go to their other parents?
   
   How do you handle this situation?

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2. 86

   wonderful1posted 12 years ago

   Yes, all the time. I don't know what would be "right" in this situation, but I usually tell my kids to be mature, respectful, and go on the visit. After all, even my 9 year old son behaves more maturely than his dad. They know it, too. Remind them that they will soon return, and have a plan of what you'll do when he/she gets back (so they have something to look forward to).

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3. 79

   Keeley Sheaposted 12 years ago

   My 9 year old son does say this on occasion but usually it is because I treat him in a nicer way then his father.  Sometimes I can be too nice though so I try to reassure him that he needs to visit and be respectful of his father.  I realize for him it is the relationship with his father that bothers him because my 5 year old son always wants to go and doesn't seem to have any problem with it.  I hope the relationship gets better with time.  It is too bad that I am not able to talk to my ex about this but we see things VERY differently.  Hence, this is why we are divorced.

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4. 90

   aDayInMyLife1posted 12 years ago

   Thanks for the answers. Keelye my situation is similar to yours my 9 yo son dislikes Spending time there and my 5 yo is fine. And unfortunately my ex and I can not communicate. He is still in the stage where he makes choices based upon whatever will make my life more difficult or inconvenient, as opposed to what's best for the kids. I really hope that changes with time. But thanks for the advice.

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   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   I think it is both common and natural for a child not to want to leave their primary residence where all their friends live nearby to go visit their other parent where they know no one in the surrounding area. "Be it ever so humble there is no place like home"
   However if the parents have not been dishing dirt about each other to the child eventually as he or she matures they will come to see the perks that visiting the other parent has. More often than not the parent who is not the primary guardian gets to play more of the "friend" role and is usually more lenient. Oftentimes it's their way of making up for time they don't get to spend with the child.
   Don't be surprised if at some point your child tells you they want to move in with the other parent. This is not uncommon during the teenage years. They go from one extreme to another! LOL!

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   seekingpeace91posted 12 years ago

   Neither of my teens wants to visit their dad, but in our situation their dad is psychologically abusive to them and they are old enough (and smart enough) to see it.  This causes a problem for us, though, because I get blamed when they decide they don't want to go.  And they are getting too strong for me to force them in the car!  I usually try to validate their feelings, then try to help them see what they can do to make their time with their dad a little better than they expect it to be.  Now they tend to stay in their rooms, read a lot or do homework, listen to music, take a walk when they just have to get out of there for a while, or even talk with each other.    I think if they are aware of their dad's behavior issues, and have a loving parent and good memories when they're not with him, they can still learn the tools they need to deal with visiting him until they are old enough to truly make the decision themselves.  It's tough, though!  Good luck to you!

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