Has your spouse or partner ever "won you back"?

1. 85

   Billie Kelpinposted 10 years ago

   Has your spouse or partner ever "won you back"?
   
   Someone once explained that our life with our partner is like looking at two parallel lines through time.  Sometimes those lines will be close together and at other times, one of those lines (of feeling) will be farther apart than before and create a greater gap.  When one partner's feelings have lessened, is it possible for the other to "win back" his or her love?  Many times, we just let those times of distance ride themselves out.  Other times, people act on that feeling of distance and divorce.  What actions by the partner who is "steady" at the moment, bring back the partner is distant?
   
   

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2. 39

   ChristinSposted 10 years ago

   I think the answer would vary depending on the people.  For me, I crave solitude and one of the reasons my first marriage failed was that he was too clingy and dependent. He couldn't take initiative to do anything without being reminded.  If I wanted to do something on my own, he insisted on tagging along or would call me and ask stupid questions while I was gone.  "How do I heat this up?" "When should I put the baby to bed?" all stuff he could figure out, but wouldn't.  It drove me crazy and then eventually drove me away. 
   
   My current hubby and I have a nice balance.  We are best friends, but we give each other space to be who we are personally also.  We are both introverts, have the same core values and most importantly we communicate.  If I feel off, rather than get bent out of shape, he'll ask me "Is something bothering you? You want me to take the boys out for a bit?"... SO sweet.  He knows how I am, doesn't try to smother me, distract me, or "fix it" - just trusts me to handle whatever is bugging me and come to him when I'm ready. 
   
   I recognize his moods too - and I know when he's down and I'll do things that are nice, like distance myself awhile and go fix his favorite dinner. - he loves that so we stay really connected because we truly listen and understand the needs of each other - not fixate on our own needs/wants.
   
   "Winning back" someone depends on the person. If they need more attention - pay attention to them. Sign up for a class together or do something new and interesting (and slightly risky) to respark that tension and passion.  If your partner is introverted - give them some space and trust that the space doesn't mean they don't love you, but just need some down time.

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   1. 85

      Billie Kelpinposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Christin,GREAT thoughts! I'm going to use sentence, "Is something bothering you? Do you want me to take the kids out for a bit" in my perfect husband app. It's hard to "win someone back" after slow erosion.Trying to gather info for separated couples.

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3. 86

   wychicposted 10 years ago

   I'd say it depends on how far it goes. When a couple gets to the point that one gives up entirely, and possibly even breaks up, then there's likely no going back. Some are able to, but there will always be that knowledge that the other had been ready to throw it away entirely.
   
   That said, every relationship has its ups and downs, and it does take work to pull it out of the downs and back into the ups. No matter how much people love each other, each will take their turn in the "downs." In this case, there is always a way to "win back" that person and draw them back up. It may not be fast or easy, and in some cases it may be a matter of simply giving them the space they need, but it is possible.
   
   For me -- my first husband wasn't willing to keep trying, and jumped to a new relationship in a down time. My current husband has "won me back" over and over. It may be as simple as a kiss on the back of the neck with my morning coffee after a rough night. More often, it's his willingness to quietly think about anything I say, no matter how much it's something he doesn't agree with or doesn't want to hear, and calmly restart the conversation to give his answer when he has something thoughtful to add. Sometimes it's days later, but it lets me know he's paying attention and it is important to him.

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   1. 85

      Billie Kelpinposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Ah, wonderful- the way your husband interacts with you.  My daughter is in a relationship with someone who I feel has found "the instruction manual" that came with her! He knows what to say when she's down, etc. and hopefully she knows the same 4 him

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4. 82

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   No, whenever a relationship ends for me it's truly over. I spend a lot of time looking long-term at a relationship's prospects before calling it quits. If someone dumped me it would be difficult for me to feel (secure) that they would not do so again.
   I've never been a fan of "yo-yo" or "on again off again" relationships. I know some people consider them to be romantic. "We just can't stay away from each other!"
   I suspect the reality is they never fully let each other go when they broke up. I saw a girl on MTV a few weeks ago state she will have sex with her exes in order to "keep her number down" until she finds her next relationship. I imagine a lot of these types of relationships become "friends with benefits" or "booty calls" because people feel "hooking up with an ex" is comfortable, easy, and safe.
   Having said that there have been exceptions where people actually have remarried one another such as Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. However if both people are the same as they were then they are going to have the same issues.
   An ex is an ex for a reason and it's usually a (good) reason!

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   1. 85

      Billie Kelpinposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Dashing,  this seems to be the consensus.  I'm the kind of person who used to see a sad movie and somewhere in the back of my mind hoped for a different ending the next time I saw it - all the time knowing that couldn't be. Thanks so much!

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