Is divorce a best solution for marriage that is not working?

1. 59

   sineboboposted 10 years ago

   Is divorce a best solution for marriage that is not working?
   
   all I know about marriage is for better for worse; I don't know why people try to escape the worse via divorce.

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2. 69

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   Marriage is a lifestyle choice and human beings sometimes make mistakes. It is unrealistic to believe everyone (chooses) the "right mate" for themselves and it makes no sense to continue going down the (wrong) path once you realize you are heading in the wrong direction. Mistakes require correction.
   The number one reason for divorce is selecting the wrong mate. We do this when we have not figured out who (we) are yet. One has to do some serious introspective thinking to determine what they want and need in a mate for life (before) they pursue a committed relationship. To do otherwise is the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
   Odds are this person's relationships will come about through happenstance and "impulsive connections". This leads one to later attempt to change their mate into the kind of person they (really) want. You're better off trying to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who (they) are.
   The second reason why many marriages fail is because they got married for the wrong reasons.  They hit an age goal, all of their friends were married, someone was given an ultimatum, there was an unplanned pregnancy, they were simply tired of being single or someone was about to be shipped out for military duty and they wanted to have someone waiting for them.
   A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.
   Lastly every healthy person with some measure of self-esteem has boundaries or "deal breakers" which means they are not going to allow others to mistreat or abuse them. This may entail cheating, verbal/physical abuse, sexual abuse, drug addiction/alcoholism, child abuse, overly jealous or possessive behavior, or the recognition that you no longer want the same things for the marriage. 
   A divorce when it is all said and done is nothing more than a public admission that a (mistake) was made in the mate selection process. All marriages and relationships are "at will". No one is "stuck" with anyone!
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   Life is a personal journey. We get to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. A commitment is not a prison. It's an agreement between (like minded) people. There is no amount of "communication" or "work" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want. We're either "growing together" or "growing apart".

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3. 36

   ChristinSposted 10 years ago

   Every situation is different.  If two people are miserable together and have tried everything, or if one or both partners are unwilling to do counseling or change destructive behaviors etc. why should the other partner feel guilted into staying?  I divorced.  I wasn't willing to put up with a spouse who would not do anything to improve the relationship.  It was the right solution to me and led to me finding my current life partner.  We are blissfully happy being unmarried and will likely remain together forever because we both make the effort and respect one another.  No person should stay in a marriage with a partner who disrespects them or doesn't put forth the effort.

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4. 71

   Aime Fposted 10 years ago

   I think it depends on what you mean by "not working". I think there are perfectly valid reasons for divorce. For example, I would not hesitate to divorce my husband if he treated our daughter poorly. I would also divorce him if he cheated on me. I think everyone has something(s) that they just won't stand for - and shouldn't stand for - in a marriage. People get married with the confidence that their partner will honour the marriage and continue to be a loving, respectful companion. It unfortunately doesn't always work out that way. People change, and I think you're constantly learning new things about your partner (if you're paying attention). I learned a lot about my husband after we had a child; things that I wouldn't have seen before having her. You obviously marry someone with the idea that they'll be a great mother/father to your children, but you really can never know for sure. That's just one example, I'm sure there are countless events that will give you new insight into someone you thought you already knew perfectly.
   
   Anyway, that's my really long-winded way of saying that yes I think divorce is absolutely the right solution in SOME cases, because there's no guarantee that the person you marry will remain a person you want to be married to. With that said, I do think there are probably a fair share of couples that throw in the towel without really trying to fix what is not working.

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5. 59

   sineboboposted 10 years ago

   what i mean by not working is when thing are not as it should be.
   the love went dead, there no peace again everyone just get tired of the relationship.
   i think the best option is to look for solution to honour our vow

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   1. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You can't change anyone. People don't change unless (they're) unhappy. All one can do is ask! There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in a relationship: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.

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6. 44

   DDEposted 10 years ago

   Divorce in my opinion is not always the answer sometimes the marriage can be worked out. Leaving to find another to marry and only to repeat the exact same mistakes is not worth trying for. People who divorce are trying to escape their issues but what they don't realize is that  it is the same old routine  that follows them around in relationships. A divorce becomes the answer when love is lost.

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   1. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      "People who divorce are trying to escape their issues" - Sometimes people choose the wrong mate for themselves or they got married for the wrong reasons. Ideally after a divorce one gains some wisdom and learns to choose a spouse more wisely.

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