If society expects equality, why do women still want men to pursue them?

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   stricktlydatingposted 8 years ago

   If society expects equality, why do women still want men to pursue them?

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   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   I believe it's a combination of things. Some traditions are hard to let go of. One of the reasons why is the "fairytale" has not died.
   The prince or knight in shining armor who sweeps the damsel in distress off of her feet continues to be read to little girls even to this day. Earlier this year Disney released the movie "Cinderella" and thus far it has grossed over $527M worldwide.
   I've known strong financially independent women who have lingered in long-term relationships (waiting) years for their man to propose to them.They reject the notion of ever proposing to their man!
   Clearly if someone has been in a relationship for 3-5 years and wants to get married they shouldn't be afraid to propose. At the end of the day if you get married it shouldn't matter who proposed to whom!
   Women are also reluctant to ask men out on dates or ask them to dance in nightclubs. Some women worry about what the men might think and others who refuse to admit it are terrified of being rejected. And still others have convince themselves that power resides with the person who is (reactive) rather the person who is (proactive).
   Anyone who is determined to (wait on others) to (choose them) is truly not sitting in the seat of power.
   If a woman splits the check on a date she thinks of herself as being independent but if she picks up the whole tab as men often do she feels used and will tell her girlfriends all about that date for years.
   If a man jumps through hoops to win a woman's heart it's seen as "romantic" but if a woman jumps through hoops to win a man's heart other women consider her to be a fool, desperate, easy, or weak.
   There is also the belief that a man will not "respect" any woman who pursues him. He'll simply take advantage of her and toss her away.
   In addition there is still the belief that if (two consenting adults) have sex and never see one another again somehow it's the (woman) who was used. You seldom if ever hear of man who states this about a one night stand:
   "After she got what she wanted she dumped me!"
   As long as some women hold onto a victim mentality when it comes to (consensual sex) they will never feel equal to men in this area.
   Last but not least given the opportunity to treated as "special" or "equal" most people would prefer to be treated as "special".
   Most people would rather be wooed and pursued than have to chase after anyone for anything. And many women convince themselves that men love the chase. The reality is men hate rejection just as much as women!
   One man's opinion!

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      stricktlydatingposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Wow DashingScorpio you would be fantastic at writing a Hub on this subject. Thank you for your insight!

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks stricktlydating! I haven't seen you on HP for a long while. Great question! Welcome Back!

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   Motherbynatureposted 8 years ago

   I can't speak for all women but for myself and many of my friends it boils down to intentions.  If a man truly wants something he will work for it.  This is true for all people who want to be successful at something, but men especially.  A man's ego is his treasure and he will not play a game that he knows he will lose.  This is why men don't approach women they think are out of their league.  For a man to begin pursuing a woman means that he has weighed the costs and decided to go for it.  If he drops interest because you don't give in to him easily, he was in it for the pleasure anyway.  If he puts in the work you require, and the respect, then at least you are less likely to be just an easy opportunity. By letting him pursue you, it lessens the risk that a woman will be used. Of course, some smooth criminals can work the pursuit game and still have dirty intentions.  Nothing is 100% in protecting your heart but it is worth it to take measures of protection.

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Motherbynature, Both men and women have egos! Neither of them wants to be rejected!
      Women are afraid to approach men because they fear they'll be "used" as you stated. If women saw themselves as (equal to men) there would be no victim mentality.

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      Motherbynatureposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, however, men must also see women as their equals or it will not work.  Women can feel equal all day every day but a man will still treat them how they see them, and vice versa.

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Excellent point. No one can make another person value them or see them as beautiful. Those thoughts remain with the "beholder".
      Women can't wait to be seen as equals. They must demand equality & believe they are equal! Most prefer to be special.

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      stricktlydatingposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you motherbynature, I could really relate to what you said.

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   M. T. Dremerposted 8 years ago

   While dashingscorpio already summed it up best, I'll still try to add my own thoughts on it. Which I think comes down to elements of the old (in this case the role of men and women) being dragged into the present because it still benefits someone. For example, like dashingscorpio said, taking initiative in a relationship isn't necessarily easy, so it benefits modern women that all the pressure is on the man. Obviously there are exceptions, but I would agree that the majority still operate on this mentality.
   
   But I also think that, along the line, there was a misinterpretation of feminism. The core message was of equality between the sexes. But I think some less informed people interpreted it as superiority of women over men. Watch any sitcom from the 90s and you'll notice the depiction of couples was shockingly lopsided. Men were goofy children and women were the adults. So, the pursuit of women went from being a conquest to one of begging for approval. We seemed to skip right over the part where we were supposed to be equal in a relationship, and it has allowed us to hang onto these messed up ideas of gender roles.
   
   I find myself incredibly fortunate that my wife wasn't stuck on these roles because SHE took the initiative when we met.

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   Emmyboyposted 8 years ago

   Well, I'd say women, okay, most women just want to be dominated. When you pursue to woman, you dominate and conquer her by 'forcing' her into submission.
   
   So it has nothing to do with equality.

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