Why Do Married Soldiers Cheat When They Deploy?

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   POOPSIEGIRL69posted 14 years ago

   Why is it that when people in the armed forces are away from home .They feel like its there duty to get laid as much as possible in the war zone? Do they feel they have to do it because they may not return? Or do they think well he or she will never know about it so whatever? And whats funny about it is that alot of the single soldiers are drawn to these married men or women .I just cant figure it out whats your opinion? Is it that easy to turn your feelings on and off like that ? What do you think? Just Curious ?

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      Red_Dragonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      We live in the age of cheaters, so if you can get some tang without the lady finding out ....well you get the picture.
      
      I know, its not a moral thing but sometimes when people are on there own, and with there friends they do things that they may realize after its done, that they made a mistake. If you think about it once someone deploys thats like a long distance relationship. I think unless a person is going to marry the person that deploys that more or less they are better off just breaking it off. Because if one cheats either the one living in there country or the one that went to fight, it will never be the same.

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      Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      They do it for the same reason so many others do it. No great mystery there.
      
      As for the "age of cheaters," that age would have to encompass all of human history!

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         atenucocramposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with you Sab Oh that this attitude is not a great mystery. But what I think is that this has something to do with everyone's culture.

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      Poppa Bluesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Having served in the military at the age of 17 I can tell you how I felt... I was in a committed relationship and it was tough being away from home always surrounded by guys basically on duty 24/7 there's no question that doubts about the fidelity of your loved one back home weighs on you too. Then there's the peer pressure from your fellow soldiers... There is just so much a man can take it's only natural to seek the comfort a  prostitute especially when so many of them work nearby and are willing to provide what is missed so... a moment's peace... a comforting embrace... an intimate moment... is that REALLY cheating?

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         Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         In a word-yes.

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            Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Agreed!

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            Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Agreed 100% that is cheating

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         Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Yup, that is cheating alright

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      1974posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      First of all, you shouldn't assume that all soldiers cheat while deployed.  Sorry if this happened to you, but maybe you should be asking yourself why he cheated on you?  And if he did cheat over seas, he probably cheated at home too.

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Why are you clumping ALL soldiers together, when it's obvious that not all soldiers cheat.
      
      Those who do cheat are weak-minded, morally corrupted individuals.
      
      Plain, simple truth.
      
      Enjoy!

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      prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      it is happening and it always happened and it will happen in war zones and everywhere

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      Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I was unaware of this phenomenon....
      
      Where do I enlist?

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         Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         ah.. the great battle of the bulge!

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            Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Once more into the breach......

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               Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               ask not what your country can do for you... but who you can do for your country

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                  Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  Don't fire 'til you see the ecstasy in her eyes

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                     Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     In the words of General McAuliffe... "Nuts"

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                        Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                        John Paul Jones, "I have not yet begun to....oops, sorry about that."

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                           Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                           Julius Caeser... I came, I saw, I conquered..
                           
                           but not in that order

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                              Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                              Followed by et tu Brute?

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                                 Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                 Don't shoot until you can get the white in their eyes

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                                    Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                    I already used that one.  Try again.

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                                       Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                       I never worry about action, but only inaction.
                                       
                                       Winston Churchill during WW2
                                       (and what i told my wife the other night)

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         skyfireposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         

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      rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      to get the best answer you would have to ask someone who has been in that situation. all we can give are our opinions. your post seems to assume that all married soldiers cheat, probably not true.

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      double_frickposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      boys will be boys????
      
      
      anyways, you are really over generalizing. i can just as easily ask why ALL people feel the need to cheat at some point in some relationship.
      
      and hey, my mom cheated on my dad WAY more than he could have probably tried cheating on her while out on tours. bitches ain't nothin but hoes and tricks. LOLOLOLOLOL

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       A Texanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Having been in combat several times I can assure you sex was not on my mind.

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          h.a.borcichposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Thanks for your sacrifices for our country Texan, Holly

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       lilmamastephiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       this is interesting to hear ....My bf is in the military..we are not married but plan to be and have kids together...he tells me that soliders don't and are unable to cheat because they don't have time and are around men all the time...Which i do know they are around women too. he says that most soldiers are worried about their women at home cheating while they are deployed

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       Stevennix2001posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Not all soldiers cheat on their lovers, as you're just generalizing.  Sure, there are some cases of this, as I'm sure there's also cases of the situation being reversed.  Where a person on active duty deploys out somewhere, and lover that stays behind cheats.  Not saying that happens all the time, but there's been some cases like that too.  Yes, there's situations and scenarios on both sides, but that doesn't mean it applies to all soldiers that are in relationships.

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       Robert Sacchiposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       The war zone theory doesn't hold up because even when soldiers are sent TDY or on unaccompanied tours that aren't a war zone a certain percentage of them think it is a license to cheat.

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       ana2693posted 6 years agoin reply to this

       You married to the wrong woman. Real woman don't cheat even the man that they truly love is very far away. I love my bf even he live far away , I love him faithfully and I am afraid to lose him that is why i never cheated on him.

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   POOPSIEGIRL69posted 14 years ago

   I can see if these people just met each other and then the other goes off to war but some of these people been married 10 years or more .I think its no excuse for that but it happens all the time.And the poor clueless wife or husband is waiting at the airport for there loved one and they just dont know there was a lot more going on overseas then they could ever imagine.

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   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   I think the stress of war, the boredom in between the fighting, the foreign surroundings, and being so far away from loved ones contribute to the extramarital stuff. Just my opinion.

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      POOPSIEGIRL69posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Believe it or not  a lot of soldiers pick out who they will sleep with before they even step foot into another country .They already have it made up in their minds that they will not be able to survive  a whole year with out sex. I would just buy a Wii to stay occupied if I bored not sleep with everybody.And you may have something there not everybody is fighting over seas and they have a lot of free time to come up with stupid stuff to do.

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   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   They are just young healthy males, and they need sex. Easy. Don't take it personally, and everything will be ok.

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      Deborah Sextonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Would a soldier take that attitude if he returned and found his wife had been cheating? Probably not.

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         Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         wives cheat too?!?!?!!?!?
         
         That's just so wrong!

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         Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Two wrongs don't make right. And just to be clear - I don't mean sex, I mean ownership attitude

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            Deborah Sextonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            When I say I love you, you say you better
            You better you better you bet
            When I say I need you, you say you better
            You better you better you bet
            You better bet your life
            Or love will cut you,cut you like a knife
            
            
            (The Who)

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   megs78posted 14 years ago

   Its hard not to take it personally.  We are women and sex is emotional for us.  I know that men do not attach the same importance to sex as women and that generally its more of a release and FUN, I wish I felt more like that.

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      Poppa Bluesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That's not exactly true! Sex is very important for men, more so than for women! As you say, women are emotional, for them cuddling afterward may be more important than the sex itself! Men are more physical, it is through the act of sex that they share their feelings... of course we can still have sex without those feelings and maybe even fantasize we are with the one we love!

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         megs78posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I didn't mean 'cuddling' after sex as an emotional involvement.  I rarely cuddle after sex.  I am satisfied and go to sleep, just like men.  What I meant, and I'm sure you know this already, is that women attach LOVE to sex.  Can you honestly tell me that most men attach love to sex?  Actually I would be interested in knowing the answer to that from all guys out there.

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   Pani Midnyte Odinposted 14 years ago

   Well, put yourself in the soldier's shoes. You're in a war zone. You're being shot at every day. You don't know if you're going to make it out alive. You haven't seen your significant other for months, possibly years. You're lonely. You're scared. That woman soldier who you spend so much time with is feeling the same way. You both reach out, finding comfort in the other's embrace and it leads to far more.
   
   I'm not sticking up for cheaters, but it's rather easy to see why this happens.

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   Greek Oneposted 14 years ago

   ... because they can

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   Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

   You can't lump all soldiers together as cheaters. there are pletny out there who don't cheat, my husband is one of them...of course he is Navy but still can't lump soldiers together...

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   Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years ago

   First of all, this 'phenomena' is not special to soldiers alone. Every branch experiences this.  There is a saying that when a ship sets out for a six month cruise, 100 sailors leave, 50 couples return. 
   Second, not all members cheat.  A lot do, yes, but not all.
   Third, there is never going to be one answer for this. Ask 100 cheaters why they did it and you will get 100 answers. Some do it out of boredom, some out of weakness, some because they are straight jerks unwilling to honor their commitment.  The same applies to the significant others left at home.  No matter the reason, it is always wrong and it is punishable under the UCMJ if caught and proved.
   If your theory is that all members of the military cheat when sent on deployment, then you would agree that every person sent out of town on company business also cheats.  There are people who still cling to a higher moral code and honor their commitments.

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      Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think you said it best Chaotic Chica!

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         Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you Crazdwriter.  I have never been a fan of catogorizing a whole based on a few, or even most.  I have been guilty of doing it, catogorizing that is, and realized that it never does anyone any good.  Besides, even the military cannot find a suitable enough answer so as to create more effective ways of preventing said offenses in the first place.  If they're going to cheat, they will find a way. It's unfortunately just that simple. And, before anyone says it, the problem existed long before women were allowed in the military!

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            Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            that is very true. Funny thing is I find this on here when my husband has the Navy Times and on the off Duty side is all about cheating in the military. talk about coincidence! and it said that women in the military ask for divorce more than men.

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               Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               That is an interesting coincidence!   As for the higher rate of women asking for the divorce, I also find that interesting.  There are a number of reasons I can think of off the top of my head as for why but I would be interested in knowing the data on this.  I can see some women missing the independance that drew them to the military to begin with.  I can see it being a result of infidelity, on his or her part.  I can see being lonely and making an emotional connection to another, I don't condone that but I can see that.  Then there is always the little factor of moving so often.  Each move introduces new people,  I can see her, or him, wondering if they settled down too soon, who else is out there? Is there someone better waiting for me at my next duty station?  These are just a few reasons I can think of but again, I resign myself to knowing I will never find a single answer to that question.

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                  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  It says as the title '8 years of war take a toll on military marriages' then the area about the military women reads: "Military women are divorcing more than twice as often as men, and the gap is widening. Last year, about 7 percent of married military women filed for divorce compared with about 3 percent of men."

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                     Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Very interesting indeed! I wonder if it's because the men are more forgiving of infidelity? LOL

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                        Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                        hmmm didn't think of that lol who knows. there is also an increase in enlisted marriages breaking up...my hubby is enlisted but I know that we aren't going to fall into those numbers. no way!

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                           Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                           First off, Crazedwriter~congratulations on your honestly commited stability!  That's hard to find anywhere, harder in the military.  There is a lot about being a military spouse that nobody tells you about unitl after the fact.  My ex husband and I were dual military before I got out to raise our children.  I had the unique position of knowing both sides of the story.  There are times when the spouse left at home gets incredibly sad and lonely but that is why support groups were created.  I miss military communities for their sense of family when you are away from yours.  It takes a strong person to manage through the deployments and I salute those that do and make it work!  I have found that too few people put in the effort neccesary to making any marriage work now-a-days anyway.  There are just some people who cannot handle the pressure.  It always makes me sad to see them break.  Keep up the good job!!

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                              Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                              That is all too true except sadly while living on Oahu I didn't have the support of the other military women. I would ask to get with them and they totally ignored me. I stayed by myself in the military sense, only hung out with a couple of ppl I use to work with but that's about it. And here I am still not getting the whole military family thing.
                              
                              When it comes to military family I am the outsider
                              
                              But I am managing on my own...

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                                 Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                 Well that's a shame! I was never voted Miss Congeniality but I always found at least one good friend that I could depend on and vice versa.  I'm sorry you aren't getting the same treatment I did, it makes a difference! Feel free to catch up with me here if you need to....

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                                    Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                    Thanks CC I appreciate that

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    sweet kittenposted 14 years ago

    

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    I was stationed at Fort Huachuca in Arizona for almost a year....
    
    To begin with, concerning marriage....a lot of the younger enlisted people would run off and get married....we used to have a saying, "if the couple knew each other for more than 5 days they couldn't get married, because they knew each other too well...."
    
    This kind of matching up was common....and widely discussed....
    
    And the divorce rate was 90 plus percent......a guy I roomed with, who was only 21, had been married three times and divorced twice.....and he had a baby on the way with his new wife (they didn't know each other very long either...I have no idea how the relationship worked out)...he just felt compelled to be married....
    
    Regarding infidelity....I was not married, but had a girlfriend of several years back home...and she was the unfaithful one....but, my first roommate at this base was the biggest play around I had ever seen....  I remember sitting in our room as he talked to his lady (back home) on the phone, telling her how much he loved her and all.....and he would be laughing while talking to her (while hushing it up as much as he could) because he was cheating on her with any woman he could get his hands on...it was all just a game to him.....

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       Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Mikelong, that would be a case to prove my point.  Some are just jerks who don't take their commitments seriously!  I know the type you are talking about, I fell for one of them! LOL I figured it out one day at a party when he treated another girl in the exact non-commital way he did me in public and, based on her facial reaction, I knew she felt like I did.  He didn't like being called out on it but it sure felt good! LOL Unfortunately, there are just some guys like that!

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       "....I was not married, but had a girlfriend of several years back home...and she was the unfaithful one...."
       
       Tough break, but there must have been lots of temptation in them there sugar  cane fields...

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    WriteAngledposted 14 years ago

    To use the term "cheating" already places a moral judgement on the issue. Without knowing the full background to a person's actions, it is better not to judge but accept them for who they are.

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    (Q)posted 14 years ago

    Has anyone here watched the movie, M*A*S*H? Everyone is sleeping with everyone else, married or not.

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       Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Watched the movie and all TV episodes...bought it for my hubby and watched it with him. and yes that one aspect i didn't like about it but other than that I loved the movie and TV show

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    Laura du Toitposted 14 years ago

    Wouldn't it be great if cheating was reserved for soldiers- women would know which relationships to avoid. Its basically the same as asking why do brunettes cheat. Cheating is not an occupational hazard its more a matter of moral standards which unfortunately are becoming non-existent today!

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    awareposted 14 years ago

    not all do . manogamy is a myth it can happen but it takes hard work

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    Intelligence, or its opposite, has struck again in your posting...how sad...
    
    Your attempts at cleverness only expose your simplemindedness....
    
    Thank you for missing the point of my entire statement...

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I think we can discuss, and even disagree, without resorting to insults.

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    Then Sad, you should take your own advice....

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       YOU directly insulted 'aware' above. Show me where I have insulted anyone.

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    I did?
    
    Show me......I haven't addressed Aware at all...
    
    You are truly Sad

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Your comments: "Intelligence, or its opposite, has struck again in your posting...how sad...
       
       Your attempts at cleverness only expose your simplemindedness....
       
       Thank you for missing the point of my entire statement..."
       
       Followed his. To whom were they intended? Did you mean to insult someone else?

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    Sad-Oh's stupidity for all to see....along with his/her case of denial:
    
    
    "Tough break, but there must have been lots of temptation in them there sugar  cane fields..."
    
    
    So, you choose to send an insult to both my former girlfriend and then to me through connection....
    
    
    Pathetic Sad........truly...
    
    While her parents, and their parents before them worked in the sugar cane fields in Hawaii...they did not stay there...
    
    I only wish you could be the one performing the servile labor...
    
    Dedicated to you:
    
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Hub-Pages-Forum … umentation

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       "So, you choose to send an insult to both my former girlfriend "
       
       I did no such thing.

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Now THESE:
       
       "Sad-Oh's stupidity for all to see....
       
       
       Pathetic Sad........truly......
       
       I only wish you could be the one performing the servile labor..."
       
       are real insults.
       
       
       You don't need to resort to such things, really.

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    No Sad....you just proved your lack of intellect again...
    
    You claimed that I insulted Aware.......and you have come up lacking....
    
    
    You I do insult, as you do to myself.........I have never denied that, and never will...
    
    
    Make your baseless accusations Sad.....and live up to the monicker that I have dubbed for you.
    
    My post followed your post.......
    
    Take off that mask, I think the eye slits are blinding you.

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       "No Sad....you just proved your lack of intellect again..."
       
       
       And there's ANOTHER insult. Come now young man, you can be better.

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       "My post followed your post......."
       
       
       Look again. Maybe you should quote the comments you are responding to so we can avoid any misunderstanding in the future.

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       "You I do insult.........I have never denied that, and never will..."
       
       That is unfortunate and unnecessary.

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    You truly are blind.....I am glad that this exchange is here publicly for all to see...how pathetic.
    
    The Perpetuation of Aimless Argumentation strikes again......
    
    
    But I will be an adult enough to put a stop to it...this thread deserves better....
    
    Having been in the military, and having experienced personally and witnessed the stresses that relationships can bring, I would like to see this topic serve its purpose, as opposed to being usurped by Sad's uselessness.
    
    On this note, going back to the topic of this forum, it is my view that relationships...meaning girlfriends-boyfriends as well as spouses can get in the way of military service.... They are not incompatable....but I have seen so much damage that I sometimes wish that there was a rule demanding that all first term enlistees and officers remain single...but I realize that this is not a reality...
    
    I do believe that more counsellors need to be on bases...and that the stigma that plagues those in the military who use their services can be put aside....
    
    Seeking help, at least in the Marines, is typically perceived as a sign of weakness.....but many who need help then go without for fear of what others will say....  A friend of mine was going through such an ordeal when I was at my last duty station...and when his significant other back home cheated on him he slit his forearms from wrist to elbow....I had known him a long time, from long before we were both stationed together in Hawaii....and it is sad to lose good people....he did not die...but he was discharged from service shortly thereafter...
    
    And the worse issue here is that our job was very critical....a lot of money went into our training....Sigint is tough stuff that few are qualified to do....

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       "You truly are blind.....I am glad that this exchange is here publicly for all to see...how pathetic."
       
       
       There are two more insults. Come on, you don't need to do this.

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       " I would like to see this topic serve its purpose, as opposed to being usurped by Sad's uselessness."
       
       
       And another...

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    mikelongposted 14 years ago

    You insult all of us here by continuing this nonsense...
    
    Thank you.

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       Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I don't know how much more clear I can be about urging you to stop with the insults. You are capable of controling your emotions, aren't you?

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