Unexpected Family Suicide

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   Rick Marlowposted 14 years ago

   A Close Family Member Committed Suicide Last Year***Religious or Other Views

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      TimTurnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not sure what you want from this post.

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         Rick Marlowposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I was just wondering folks views on why,how to grasp it,spiritual thoughts ect.Fell free to be frank.

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            IntimatEvolutionposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I don't think it is graspable, it's suicide.  Lost my first husband five years ago to suicide.  I have a poem written by my now 14 yr. old son, titled Zachary's Poem on my profile- if you'd like to read about suicide from the child's perspective.  He was nine the day I found Bucky hanging from the rafters.

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      Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      So very sorry for your loss.
      From my own experience, suicide is believing the lie that there are no other options. And I don't think it's a rational thought process. The only "spiritual" or "religious" perspective that makes any sense to me at all is that people who do this are suffering terribly, and if there is a God, he gets that completely. After all, he/she/it is the one that supposedly created us. Anything else is really irrelevant, I believe.

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         rmcrayneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I'm sorry for the loss of your brother Rick, the loss of your father niki, and the loss of your husband IntimatE.  I can't imagine losing a sibling, parent or spouse this way.
         
         My extended family has been through this more than once.  When I was 18 my 16 year old cousin shot himself.  We grew up very close. When my cousin died, it plagued my thoughts throughout my waking hours.  It didn't help that I had 2 hours alone commuting to work each day.
         
         One of my co-workers felt compelled to tell me "You know the Bible says that's the only sin for which you can't be forgiven." It was a statement, not a question.  I was offended and told her as much.  I told her if something happened to one of her girls, I could assure her she would not want to hear such s*%t.
         
         My mother believes this too.  I asked a pastor about this.  He said what the Bible actually says is the only sin for which you can't be forgiven is turning your back on god. 
         
         As my tribute to my cousin, whenever it comes up, I tell Christians with this view, "Fine if that's what you believe, but I can assure you grieving families do not want to hear this.  Please keep it to yourself." 
         
         I'm with Daniel.  I think even when there are triggering situations, there are biochemical factors to depression that are beyond a person's means to control.  Though it's difficult to make sense of, I think we should no more blame the person, than we would blame them if they had diabetes or cancer.
         
         It took many months before I realized that I no longer thought about my cousin's suicide multiple times throughout the day.  Then eventually I realized I no longer thought about it every single day. 
         
         Hang in there.  I wish you peace.

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      nikistazposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hello, I hurt for your loss. On June 8 2008 my father went to his room put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. My stepmother was home at the time and heard the shot and found him dead. I know why he did it and the circumstances around that, I guess that helps some. I know I don't blame God at all. I know I miss him so much it makes sick. I know I'll cry about it the rest of my life, and I can only hope that there will come a time when how he did it does not haunt me anymore.  Niki

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         Rick Marlowposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I`m sorry for you.It`s hard to swollow.Actually it was my brother in my case.We were together 50 years.

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            nikistazposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            wow, so much time, and people always say give it time... that feels empty pocket to me when I hear someone say that. I still go through hard, spontaneous tear storms, but I just let it come. Leaves me feelin ill for a bit but well so be it. Niki

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      mobilephone guideposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      depression. he had too much of reality. positive self deception is the only thing i know how to cure depression. sorry for your loss

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      Carmen Borthwickposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry for your loss and would hope you are finding it easier to live with, but obviously you're not. I have personally been touched by attempted suicide, but fortunately I had my stomach pumped in time. I was only 16. Reasons for suicide are many; loneliness, insecurities, mental imbalances, feeling abandoned, and, yes, sometimes a person simply doesn't want to 'be' anymore. As a result of my attempt I was able to prevent a couple of teenagers who tried to follow suit. It is not only ones who view themselves as weak that either attempt or accomplish [harsh, but true] suicide; it is also the strong who feel its too much of a burden to carry any longer. I hope in some way this will help you deal with your sorrow, and honestly, you may never have an answer as to why nor will you probably understand. The best thing you can do is try to keep the memory of your loved one alive, when they were happy to be here.

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         Rick Marlowposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks Carmen,Oh I`m ok.You just wonder a lot.Strange how it occoured.A former employee of mine,his wife hanged herself and I comforted him and 6 months later my brother hanged himself.It`s strange how they go on with life and make plans right up till the last minute and boom,it`s over.

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            Carmen Borthwickposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            After many years I'm still not completely clear as to why I tried, but am very happy I didn't succeed. A good friend of mine lost her son over 30 years ago, I don't know how she copes, but she does. I do know that she still has a good cry once in awhile. I'm glad you're ok. Hang in there.

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      Ghost32posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Rick, I'm aware of a number of suicides, both family members and others.  One of the best examples of the process from a spiritual (not religious) standpoint involved Denny and Ken (not their real names).  They were brothers, Ken the older and a close friend of mine.  Denny was going to go to work for me, but at the last minute (this was in early 1976), I realized my business was going under and I couldn't hire him.  Thirty days later he killed himself.
      
      Ken and I share the same spiritual path, which does not condemn suicide but simply states that if you are not strong enough to face this life and go out that way...that sooner or later you have to come back until you get it right, usually with a little heavier load (to make up for the early checkout).
      
      About six months after Denny passed, Ken visited with his brother in an extremely vivid dream.  It was the first time they'd made contact since his death, or at least the first time Ken retained conscious recall of such a meeting.  Denny was quite clear in his communication to his brother:  He'd been placed in a sort of remedial class (on the other side, whatever plane of existence he was inhabiting at the moment).  In that class, he'd been learning what had led up to his suicide...how to handle it better next time around...etc.
      
      His brother's death had initially bothered Ken quite a bit.  After that dream state conversation, however, he knew that Denny was feeling a lot better, getting a handle on things, and would no doubt be reincarnating (to Get 'R' Done, right this time) before too long.

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   sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

   I'm sorry to hear that. It is not the unforgivable sin.

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   Uninvited Writerposted 14 years ago

   I'm sorry that he/she was driven to that act. It must have been an unbearable painful life for them. Very sad.

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   Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

   Given that you're posting this in the Religion & Beliefs Forum I assume you want to talk about the theological implications.
   I hope he had a loving and forgiving Higher Power to welcome him to a less painful existence.
   And I hope the family is taking steps to heal.
   Wishing you peace. MM

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   TMinutposted 14 years ago

   What if someone is just finished with life? You wouldn't have to be horribly suffering, you may just be done.
   
   My friend is dealing with the suicide of a close family member right now and I think a lot of the hard part is not knowing exactly why.

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   Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years ago

   unfortunately the ones left behind will suffer for many year to come and feel guilt even though there was nothing that they could have done...

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   Make Moneyposted 14 years ago

   Yeah we have had the same happen in our extended family.  There is nothing more devastating.  Maybe these words will offer some consolation.
   
   Source

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      Rochelle Frankposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That is a very comforting description of the circumstance-- if anything can bring comfort in such a time. Thanks for offering that quote. I'm sure it might be helpful to some.

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   Len Cannonposted 14 years ago

   Losing someone you love is almost unbearable.  I don't know if you ever really get over it.

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   IslandVoiceposted 14 years ago

   It's very painful. I know, because my brother took his life at age 23, after 4 yrs of a lingering psychological nervous illness. We were devastated as a family, but we have all moved on. Our religion taught us it's a sin, to take one's own life. We loved our brother too much to think he went to hell for copping out. It still hurts by the way to talk about it. But, i thought i should share this.

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I commend you on your power to discuss this tragic event. Your unwaivered support from family is no doubt what's helped you move on.
      
      I've been fortunate enough to not have someone that close(immediate family) commit that act, how ever, 1 year ago my aunt(my mother's sister) took her own life, because she was unable to cope with her own situation.
      
      This can be a trying time.
      
      I'm not of any religious belief, but I'll grieve as well, because I'm not a firm believer in 'copping out', as you say.
      
      And out of respect, I won't question your religious belief, but as to say I'm sorry for your loss.

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    Lori J Mitchellposted 14 years ago

    My fiance committed suicide three months ago.  He belonged to the Orthadox church and his priest told us that he believes when one commits suicide it is because they are ill, and I think we can all agree on that.  Anyway, Father George said that if it is an illness then really we can look at it like other people who have a terminal illness.  Should they be banished to eternal hell because of an illness that is out of their control?  I know Richard's mom and aunt were really struggling with this until the priest put their minds at ease.  I believed from the beginning that he was suffering so much he couldn't handle the pain anymore and that we will be together again someday.

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    mdawson17posted 14 years ago

    Reading the threads post, I can only think that you are pondering the religious aspects of suicide!
    
    I am a Minister and have gone to, as well as ministered to many funerals of those whom have taken their own lives!
    
    I have been asked if the act of suicide is truly the unforgivable sin!
    
    I will answer to you the bibical intepertation that I have:
    
    The act of Suicide is forgivable theirfore you can enter into the gates of heaven!
    
    this is a scripture that has been taken way out of context!
    
    The act of sucide has been a debate that many Spiritual leaders have debated for years.
    
    What I understand to be the Un-forgivable sin is blasphemy!
    
    Matthew 12:31
    "and so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the spirit will not be forgiven"
    
    To understand what blasphemy is one must look it up in the dictionary
    
    The meaning of blasphemy is the show of disrespect toward the divine, irreverence.
    
    I believe that before the act of suicide has been take one is remorseful in his/her life and all the things that have been transforming in it (That is why they are willing to take such a horrific step to end it)! So theirfore the disrespect was not their. Their was an act of guilt and shame and when showing guilt you are showing remorse for such actions!
    
    Which is an act of seeking forgiveness!
    
    Many times as Christians we become angry at those who have taken thier own life and we curse them to hell because we are angry at them for thier act of selfishness.
    
    Little do we realize we too are being selfish because we do not realy know what they were dealing with on the inside!
    
    If you are wondering if he/she entered into the gates of heaven I will give you an answer like this:
    
    It is my belief Suicide did not keep him/her out of eternel life!
    
    Read John 3:16
    
    Judge not less we be Judged

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