Is it wrong to cut a friend out your life?

1. 83

   Sa Toyaposted 14 years ago

   I was friends with this girl for almost 3 years, we became very close. She was one of my best friend, then she just turned.
   
   She became very manipulative and BITCHY and made my life hell. She started isolating me from the group and it was so difficult because everyone followed her lead. No matter what I did or said I was the one doing her wrong-It was nuts!
   
   She did it to another girl before me (I didn't realise she was then but do now) and then started turning another very close friend against me, she was playing us off each other.
   
   I stood up for myself but later on she even convinced me that I was bordering depression and needed to see someone because I was too quiet and didn't get involved as the others.
   
   I was quiet because they were entertaining to watch and also because some of their conversation was not my taste. I'm mixed race and they lived joking about black people and the holocaust and things like that. I'm not an old lady or against a good joke however against the politically correct grain it could be, but they took things to far.
   
   She wrecked my confidence as well- it was a rough time for me no one had my back apart from 2 people and I was away from and home and my friends there- I lived 3 hours drive away up North.
   
   Anyway before rambling (I know I've already rambled)on I confronted her and she nearly attacked me, physically- from then I made the decision to cut her out. She stressed me out so much I didn't want to go out, I missed lectures at uni because of her ad saw a counsellor whot told me my problem was her.
   
   She begged and begged to get me to let her in but I stood my ground.
   
   But I feel guilty that I did, I feel that I should have tried harder, even thought I did nothing wrong.
   She started slating me on facebook and in her status box and as a result I've lost 3 friends. She's blocked me on face book now, even though I had changed my settings so she couldn't see my wall and all that. Friends have told me she write posts about me on hers.
   
   What do I do now, that she's lashing out like this? I wanted to be rid of her and now I am it sucks knowing she's doing this.
   
   Sorry for it being so long and all the drama- I'm 22 and so is she.I feel stupid for letting her manipulate me like that Any advice.

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   1. 89

      Nell Roseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hiy, I just spotted this and I felt for you. I am older than you but the same thing happened to me a few years ago. I had a friend who was very into the drink, and she really took the p*** for a long time, turning up at my house drunk at two in the morning, bringing round lots of blokes and all sorts of things, but because I had been friends with her for years it did'nt dawn on me to get rid of her, until a friend of mine said, She is just using you because she cannot go home at that time in the morning, bigger fool you! and my eyes were opened! my advice is, forget her, and as for face book, cancel your account and then open it again. you can do this, and make sure you keep her off it. Also the best thing you can do about the insults is just ignore her, completely and absolutely as though she does'nt exist. She may keep bitching for a time but after a while she will one get fed up with it and two look an idiot! cheers Nell

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      1. 83

         Sa Toyaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks especially I feel better hearing it from someone whose been through something similar. I will be ignoring her and hopefully she'll look a fool for it in the end!
         Thankies

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   2. 75

      cheaptrickposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Light a candle,close your eyes,and gently keep repeating"let it go,let it go,let it go".Find your inner peace and guard it always...

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2. 66

   Ladybird33posted 14 years ago

   I take friendship very seriously, I wish you the best of luck because this is a hard one.  I believe in only surrounding myself with people that make me want to be a better person, positive, fun, people.  Friends should make you feel better...good luck.

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3. 73

   Arthur Fontesposted 14 years ago

   It is not wrong to cut anyone out of your life that does not make your life more enjoyable.  Your friend sounds like a miserable person and so goes the cliche "Misery Loves Company".  It also sounds like cutting you down makes her feel better about herself.  Ignore her, giving her attention in any form will only encourage her to keep going on. She sounds like a succubus.

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   1. 0

      EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I definitely think there are people who suck the energy out of you - whether they do it knowingly/deliberately or it's an unconscious thing, I'm not sure. 
      
      I've cut "energy vampires" out of my life before with never a backward glance; it really is the only thing to do and you don't need to feel one iota of guilt.

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4. 83

   Sa Toyaposted 14 years ago

   Thanks guys for all the reassurance and advice.
   Consider her definitely cut out
   I'm moving on and will be ignoring her completely.
   I need only positive,good,fun,happy people that will help me be the best me.
   Cheers again to you all.

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5. 82

   donotfearposted 14 years ago

   SaToya:  Sometimes we meet people and have "friends" who turn out to disappoint us greatly. If she was causing division and conflict between you and others, that's a warning sign right there! Consider something else, too. She could have deep rooted problems related to something you know nothing about. Another thing to ponder would be the fact that she seems to have a pattern of this behavior. She does this to you, she's doing it to others. Once she tires, or gets bored of using you as her "whipping boy", she'll turn on sombody else. Her actions are very similar to what the mental health clinicians call a 'Borderline Personality Disorder'. You may want to google this and see if she carries most of the traits. I'll bet she falls way into the green with this disorder, but I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis. Remember, keep your head up. Stand your ground. Be sweet and kind to others and block out her childish remarks. You're dealing with a child that uses manipulation to feel superior. Wouldn't hurt to light a candle or pray for her, too.  You are a very worthy person who does not deserve this kind of treatment. You aren't alone, I have experienced the exact thing while I was a teenager and later in life. Go Girl!!!

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6. 62

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   I don't think it's wrong.  Once a friendship ceases to be a healthy relationship there's no point in keeping things going.

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   1. 0

      AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Couldn't agree with you more.

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7. 66

   trish1048posted 14 years ago

   hi sa toya,
   
   First, let me say she falls into the bully category.  When a person behaves that way, there are much more serious issues going on.  It also sounds to me like she's of the mindset, 'let me hurt her first, before she hurts me'.  People who fear closeness often think this way.  Afraid to trust, so they lash out.
   I had an incident in high school when my classmates turned on me because I 'squealed' on one of them.  My dear departed mom told me, go to school, pretend nothing is wrong, say hwllo and smile, and just go in about your business.  It was hard to do but it paid off, and in the end, I got an apology.
   
   Good luck to you.

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8. 59

   Colebabieposted 14 years ago

   Get new friends. I had a friend who was like that, always making fun of people. And I felt that to fit in I had to join in on the ridicule. But I'm not that person. So I just had to realize they weren't the type of person I wanted to hang out with.

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9. 0

   Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

   I am sorry you are going through such a painful time with friends or so called friends. *HUGS* I wouldn't want to hang out with her at all. I say it's time to let her go and find new friends. of course let her know how you feel because she definitely needs to know. then time to tell that person to take a hike. *HUGS*

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   1. 83

      Sa Toyaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you sooo much. I love hugs and needed them. It is hard and I'm working on it. She has been cut out now but is still finding ways to get at me. I've always considered myself strong but it's hard when we were SOOOO close.

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      1. 0

         Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Keep at it Sa...she will stop eventually when she sees that you want nothing more to do with her.
         She sounds like my Sister-in-law...lets introduce them to one another

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         1. 83

            Sa Toyaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            
            
            @lyricsingray Indeed, I'm starting to feel much better about this drama rama

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      2. 61

         Friendlywordposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         If that is really you in the picture; you are going to have to get use to people really liking you, or really hating you! Maybe she has this love/hate thing going on she doesn't understand herself.  Are the other girls she turned on more attactive then she is?

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10. 61

    avangendposted 14 years ago

    I do not think it wrong to cut a person like this out of your life - at least, not until she shows some sign of change, or acknowledges the inexcusable nature of her actions towards you. You do not need to feel guilty about not associating with her anymore, because she, obviously, is the one in the wrong. She is not a being a friend to you, and it is time to move on.
    
    As for her Facebook slander: few things say more about a person's character than how they speak about those who are not present. Gossip is mean, small-minded, and cowardly. I do not know how you escape this girl's influence...but I do think that anyone who is unable to see that this girl is vicious and manipulatory is a person you probably do not want to spend time with anyway. Get away from this circle of pack-followers, and stand on your own - someone strong enough to be independent. Your ability to separate yourself physically and emotionally from these girls will win you the respect of others and the friends that you deserve.
    
    Just my opinions. I hope things get better for you.

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    1. 83

       Sa Toyaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Cheers I hope I do get the respect and friends. I've blocked her on facebook and MSN as well as her sheep...so here's hoping.

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11. 41

    efeguyposted 14 years ago

    what are still waiting for? ,take a walk.

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    1. 76

       coverley1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I agree...summed up perfectly. Everyone's positive and supportive advice should be encouraging for you.  Heed the whispering of your own soul...you KNOW her friendship is no longer good for you.  The only one who should be feeling any guilt is your ex-friend, but I do realise it is easier said than done...happened to me and I grieved over the lost good times for quite awhile.

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12. 0

    lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago

    That is not a friend, move on and call it an experience, take the good from it and forget the rest.
    
    To answer your question, no.
    
    

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