Does this help anybody?

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   Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years ago

   My primary reason for starting this was to vent my frustrations and anxieties.  I have been through a lot and have fared better than most in similar shoes but every so often I get reminded of the past and it brings back the pain and saddness.  I only just started but so far I seem to be hurting more rather than less. Is anyone else experiencing the same or am I just lying to myself about forgiving the past?

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      Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I saw your post and can see that you are very hurt and lost. My only wish here is to try to help you. I don't know everything you have been through or do I pretend to know. I only know what I have been through and what has helped me. One of the biggest lessons I have ever learned is acceptance. Acceptance of the past. To put it plainly. It is what it is. It happened. There is no going back. No changing anything. Doesn't mean we like it. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Can't live there though. Have to let it go. To live in the past means to miss today. The new chances for new experiences. We can't control people places or things. Only how we react to them. Life is inherently difficult. Everybody suffers. You are not alone. As a fellow sufferer I am with you. We all are. Notice the wonderful comments on here from others supporting you. Whatever happened to you is not your fault. You have to live today. Not in the past or future. There is a saying. When we have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow we are crapping all over today. There is so much more I would like to share with you but if I keep going this is going to turn into a hub. One last thing. Happiness is a personal choice. You can choose to be happy. No matter what happens, and holding resentment only gives the person or event the power to keep hurting you. Over and over. Take back your power. I believe in you. Read some of my stuff and I will read yours. It may help us both. I hope this helps. Namaste

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2. 0

   cosetteposted 14 years ago

   hey there
   
   try as you might, you can never let go 100% of the past because it is part of you, all woven into you like a tapestry. i find it is ok to revisit these places sometimes but more as a tourist and not as a permanent resident. it's ok to feel your feelings. i would rather feel them than be all numb.
   
   welcome to HubPages, by the way.

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3. 67

   torimariposted 14 years ago

   I think cosette explained it very well.
   
   Experiences, painful, sad or not, stay with you and become a little part of you. Sometimes they are a hard way to perhaps, deal with something better in the future, and sometimes are just tragic. A lot of it has to do with how you take a negative experience and find something 'positive' to come out of it, or make you appreciate more.
   
   However, the original feelings, I find once in a while, rear their ugly heads...I know, and it hurts, but I take it as a reminder of how I am glad something is over, or what I've learned, or how it's just a bad bump in life.
   
   Welcome and this is a great place to find support, and friendship other than writing. Hope you have a good experience~

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   1. 61

      Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you both. The funny thing is I thought I  had moved on and I know I have it good now but the old feelings came back recently and I'm afraid of them affecting my current relationship.  I know that is silly, my husband makes sure I know he loves me, and he knows most of what I have been through but when I get like this, I don't want to burden him or make him feel like he is failing at making me happy. 
      
      I'm so conflicted right now, feeling guilty for feeling angry about the past when I should be only celebrating my happiness now.  I'm just confused and hurting and need someplace I can release these feelings without fear of hurting my loved ones.
      
      
      Thank you for your early support. I do appreciate it.

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      1. 67

         torimariposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         It seems like you have some skeletons in the closet to still overcome. Sometimes, we don't realize that we push emotions that aren't healed to the back burner and the come out at inappropriate times.
         
         Maybe you need to talk to someone, maybe a psychiatrist, and they can give you better peace of mind on how to deal with it (rather than me). Sometimes getting better is hurting others unless you feel this will really challenge your marriage...because I'm not sure of the situation entirely.
         
         First you need to heal yourself to truly love and appreciate you and those you love or you will never be real happy.
         
         After time, it may affect them even if you don't talk about it...they'll sense it sooner or later. Best wishes~

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4. 79

   mega1posted 14 years ago

   I use music - sometimes happy, sometimes sad - it always gets me through those days or hours
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wg_PF8k2 … mp;index=5
   
   lucinda williams helps!

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5. 0

   cosetteposted 14 years ago

   just wanted you to know you didn't kill this thread Mega

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6. 61

   Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years ago

   Yeah, music helps. I have a few songs that help me out. A good friend of mine was this guys roommate. After he found out he played Wade Hayes' "How do you sleep at night?" every day when they came home.  It wasn't meant for this situation but it still fit.
   Torimari-I did see a psycatrist-after three visits she said she did not feel I needed her services and closed my case. Problem was I went to her at my mother's behest when I first moved and all I had on my mind was supporting my kids.  It was four months before I went out socially and only cause my mother forced me to go out for my birthday.  All that meant that I wasn't giving myself time to think about all that had happened. I think because I'm married to a true good guy, I don't feel worthy and that's where I'm at now.  I have considered talking to someone else. It's just hard to find the time.

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7. 0

   Madame Xposted 14 years ago

   Sometimes emotions from painful experiences can surface years after the event. It's your mind's (and your heart's) way of protecting you from having to experience the pain all at once, so you can function. Also, there will be things that 'bring up' the old emotions and you start feeling that same pain all over again. It's a natural process and it happens to everyone to varying degrees. Hang in there and remember that you're loved.
   
   And yeah, music is a wonderful balm to the soul

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8. 90

   RedElfposted 14 years ago

   Welcome to Hub Pages. You will always "go back", but each time you do, and each time you deal with a bit more of the issues, it gets easier and less painful. If somehting in your current relationship is taking you back there, then YOU need to deal with the issues.
   
   That said, some things can't be dealt with all at once. They make take a few 're-visits', and some things will never be completely healed or dealt with. But if you work on them a bit each time, you will be making steps to insure you don't let them affect this relationship for the worse.
   
   If you need to talk about these things, try to find a counselor who can help. And if they say you really don't need them, then maybe you need to be firm with yourself and take some action against the negativity that seems to be trying to rule your mind. We all feel insecure and unworthy, especially when we have been damaged.
   
   It's very hard to do, but at some point we have to take responsibility for our own 'mind-health', and practice some positives instead of dwelling on the past and letting it control the present. You are NOT alone, but ultimately, you are the one who will take the support and begin to find your way back.
   
   Be gentle with yourself, but be firm, too. Sometimes we need to run away for a while, but then we need to move forward again. You will know when you are ready - you may still be afraid and fearful and hurting, but you will know it is time to move forward.
   
   Good luck, and again, Welcome To Hub Pages!

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   1. 61

      Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your frank honesty.  My current relationship is great-he treats me like I'm the best thing that's happened to him since the birth of his son.  What's bringing everything up is me.  Kind of.  I moved to SC for a new, better life.  What I found here was a community so lost in itself that it's ignoring some of the more important social advances.  Having been raped and been in an abusive marriage, I can spot a victim a mile away.  I can also sense a person with anger issues just as quickly. 
      
      That being said, this county has no women's shelter or rape crisis center except what the local minimalistic health department has to offer.  A huge reason why the circle of violence is continuing is that most victims here can't get to the nearest shelter two hours away.  They don't know that by law, the sherriff's office is required to take them if they ask. I only just found out.  I have begun contacting various departments and council members and more in an effort to shine the light on the lack of options for victims in this county.  Unfortunately, the best way to get their attention and bring home my sincerity is to tell my story all over again.  My husband is proud of me and is supportive but bringing up the old has made me feel unworthy all over again. 
       
      You are right about being firm with myself and I think I will take those words to heart and try harder to remind myself not of what has happened to me, but what I have accomplished despite those things. Thank you for giving me that verbal shake. I needed to hear it.

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