How do *you* fight loneliness?

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   Beth37posted 11 years ago

   Not so much looking for a sermon, just comments on what you personally do to fight the despair of loneliness.

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      Melissa A Smithposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      One word: PETS.

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      Joseph Renneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I occupy my mind with learning another language. This website is free and can be logged in with a facebook account. Its a nice little effective program. www.memrise.com Check it out and learn something new.

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         peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for posting this. I had never heard of it, but just checked it out and I think I'll be spending some time there!

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      renegadetoryposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I just remember that I'm never really alone and that tomorrow is another day!

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      Lybrahposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You have got to force yourself to get out more and do stuff.  I go to the mall just to walk around, without any intention of buying anything.  There are support groups for this and you can find information at your hospital.

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      advicewithspiceposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      sometimes that topic may require a sermon.

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         Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         And more often than not... it doesn't... it is a Human Condition, as useful as poor advice! 

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   habeeposted 11 years ago

   I write or post on the forums. My dogs are also a lot of company while hubby is at work or in his "man cave."

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   RobertSmith92posted 11 years ago

   I read a fiction book, and lose myself in another world.
   
   Or I text/ring friends, see what they're up to.
   
   It generally depends on whether I feel existentially lonely, or just pining human contact.

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   expertscolumnposted 11 years ago

   I keep my mind active, and self-esteem high through prayer to Jesus. Just 5, 10 min does it for me daily.

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   wqaindiaposted 11 years ago

   Do not hurt *anybody*, confess *your* sins, admit *your* mistakes - and watch what is happening around *you* - express yourself on the web - will keep you smiling and at the top of the world.

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   TheLady111posted 11 years ago

   I usually go to youtube or google and pull up info or videos on subjects that I've always wanted to learn about...Im addicted to learning, its a great way to occupy an idle mind. Good luck with that!

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      ARUN KANTIposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I usually listen to Rabindra sangeet and classical music and keep glued to
      Hubpages.

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   WriteAngledposted 11 years ago

   Well, maybe I'm strange, but I don't ever feel lonely although I live by myself and don't have family or friends nearby (I do have four cats though!). Perhaps it is because I value freedom a lot. When I did live with a spouse or partner, I always hated having to adjust my plans and timetable to suit the other person. Perhaps also it is because I am interested in a lot of things and also work a lot, so I never have any "down time" in which to get bored or feel lonely or even watch TV, which I have not switched on for several years. At any moment, I'm either working, doing something I want to do or sleeping!

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      Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      All very interesting answers. Something that jumped out me was several ppl mentioned keeping their minds busy... I spose loneliness is just a state of mind. Hmmm...

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         Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         It is really only a state of mind.. and not a good one, as it really relates to how one feels about themselves... Check yourself out... if your self esteem is lower than it should be, counter it with a bit more of something that you like about yourself..
         
         Don't allow yourself to get down about things (no matter what) - You need to be Up and at your best if you are going to tackle a problem... even if YOU are the problem.
         
         This is one incredible world.. when you genuinely appreciate that fact.. you don't have time to feel lonely.. but, in saying that, everyone at sometime does feel alone... when you enjoy your own company, no matter what you are doing... you will find that you inspire others and being 'lonely' may actually become more of a wish than a concern!
         
         The #1 thing to ensure you create and maintain a positive mind and outlook is:
         'Never, never listen to or take in the words of those who are more negative than yourself!'
         Think about that... and you will see what I mean + you will start noticing the influence that negative people have on you, because they endorse negative thoughts you have... Misery loves Misery!
         
         Good Luck... I hope you don't consider this post to be a sermon.. there is no mention of religion in it at all, other the reference to religiously motivating yourself to feel and live positively! 

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   craiglynposted 11 years ago

   There are still some times since the passing of my husband over two years ago that I feel "just plain lonely".  I have some routines.   I connect with a very good friend twice a week for coffee.  For myself I still attend a "healing steps" grief group at hospice, not really because I need it for grief now, but because it fills a Saturday morning.    I read,  or get busy writing a hub here in hubpages.  I still have a senior mother to visit in a nursing home.  And sometimes in the evening, particularly these short days of winter where darkness sets in early  - if that horrible feeling of loneliness comes over me I do what my husband always did;  I get in the car, pick up a Tim Hortons coffee and go for a drive.   That usually settles me down.

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   craiglynposted 11 years ago

   And of course I meant to say  that I do what "my husband and I" always did -  LOL.  We did it together go for a drive etc. etc.

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    felix09posted 11 years ago

    Well, there are a couple of things you could do:
    - Visiting old friends
    - Going out to public places
    - Watching television
    - Talking to God

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    Kathryn LJposted 11 years ago

    Having lots of hobbies you really enjoy helps and as others have said, pets if you can have them, are great companions, plus they don't judge!  I've had a few times in my life when I was in a situation where I was lonely.  I found doing volunteer work and generally helping others really helped.  I think you've hit the nail on the head, loneliness is a state of mind.  You can be surrounded by people and be lonely.  You need to be comfy 'inside'.  The trick is to find out what works for you, life's too short to spend it being unhappy.

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    chicagoguyposted 11 years ago

    mostly reading literature or writing and sometimes surfing the web.

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    Dan Barfieldposted 11 years ago

    Loneliness is difficult - something everyone experiences at some point. In the end though it is as you said, a 'state of mind'. Being lonely is a false sense of isolation caused by a wide number of factors that make one feel alienated from people and the world. Many of the suggestions here focus on distracting oneself from the feeling. Personally I would go to the root. If you practice meditation (and I'm talking on a basic scientific psychological not spiritual level) you develop naturally certain faculties of mind for instance compassion and empathy. Now while at first it may seem these mental states are about others - they are actually to do with how you see yourself in relation to others. It lessens perceptual barriers between you and the outside world and feelings of isolation naturally go by the wayside. Anyhoo - that's my ten pennies worth

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    Sarra Garrettposted 11 years ago

    My dogs are my best friends as I have a hard time trusting people.  I also spend my time writing to help with loneliness.

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    Renee Abbottposted 11 years ago

    A lot of great answers. I experienced loneliness a lot after the death of my husband.  I tried to keep myself busy, but night time always came. One day I decided to 'embrace' being lonely completely, and accepting it as a part of my life. This seemed to get me out of the constant battle to not be lonely. When I did that, I realized what I really did enjoy doing, especially by myself. I also noticed that I wasnt in my head as much, but daily would go out with the purpose to brighten someone's else day. I found hobbies that I can sink into and do them for hours; the interesting part on that was some of them were the same hobbies I did alone when married.
    
    My outlook on life has changed a lot since I embraced that part of me. I love being alone, and on those rare moments when I feel sad because I am feeling lonely, I pay attention to it. It seems to disappear faster when I am embracing verses fighting it. My husband's birthday was Christmas Eve day, this year I was treated to a wonderful surprise. I enjoyed the day, and in the evening I noticed that lead feeling of loneliness was not there.

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    A Driveby Quipperposted 11 years ago

    I think of all the horrible mistakes that I have made and the hideous ways I have let people down who loved and believed in me. Then, I think, "I guess I deserve to be lonely."

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Ive spent about 3 years lost inside the internet. I isolated myself... one thing I learned during this time is that almost every one is lonely. Not every one had given up, but some were desperately lonely. I don't have a right to be lonely, I have a family... I just long for love. Im still married to my husband, but I filed for divorce in 2010. I filed, but I didn't set a court date yet. Im just trying to make sure it's the absolute right choice before I make any final decisions... I wasn't walking with God during this time as my heart was broken and I numbed up to the pain. I am trying not to lean on my usual standbys that temporarily eased the emptiness. Im trying to find my way back to God, but it's a process. I know we all have our stories, I hope you don't mind my honesty, Im a very open person. I was just interested in what you each might do to overcome the obstacle of loneliness. Thank you everyone for your input. You were all generous to share, especially your hurts. God bless!

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          A Driveby Quipperposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Like you said, "Lost in the internet."
          
          How do you know you aren't online with some grifter doing time in a federal prison and killing time by pretending to be your long awaited soul mate during the internet time he earned for good behavior?"
          
          "Love"?
          
          "Walking with God"?
          
          "Even when we are unfaithful, God remains faithful, since God cannot deny himself." It says somewhere.
          
          In my opinion, we only get glimpses of glory. You can't conjure it up for the cameras. The more absorbed we are in American urban culture and environment, the less our chances of catching a glimpse becomes.
          
          So, you and I touched in a way. Not enough to dispel loneliness, only enough to remind us of the condition.
          
          Then again, you may be a convict in Rayford Prison and you got a big charge out of the exchange.

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    Hollie Thomasposted 11 years ago

    I don't so much suffer from loneliness, but occasional boredom. When I was younger I'd often mistake boredom for loneliness, then embark on a relationship which inevitably became very boring!  I've learnt my lessons.

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I find boredom often leads to loneliness... that's another interesting point.

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          Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Apparently this subject was a no no, as it was sentenced to the Siberia of the discussion board. Sorry!

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             Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

             What does that mean?
             
             To keep your threads 'engaging' is usually a good idea and good protocol to reply to all the posters who have taken the time to think about your subject, post and contribute to its longevity... if you don't do so as the OP, or just answer your friends, then people consider it rude and/or a waste of time making the effort to support your subjects.
             
             I guess that's when Siberia comes into the equation?
             I don't appreciate being ignored.. do you?
             However, it is one practice that is becoming a 'fun' thing to do others.

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                Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                No, they moved it to the "emotion" part of the discussion board where the latest thread was posted on 11 months ago. And if you wont be offended, I don't particularly agree as far as the OP answering every post. IMHO when one person makes a whole thread about them, it becomes a bit tiresome. I tend to like to bring up a subject and step out of the way and let it go where it may, but that's just me.

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                   Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                   That takes the cake then... when the site is full of bugs... seems priorities are rather subjective also!

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    Pearldiverposted 11 years ago

    The thread title states:  'How do you fight loneliness?
    Down here in the South that more than intimates individual opinions are being sought! 

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I definitely was seeking individual opinions of others... and sharing my own as well... I think the unique ways ppl deal with different issues is a help to every one, especially with a topic so common to mankind. This is a community right? I thought this would be a beneficial subject to all. Im not sure why I feel that Im having to defend myself.

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          Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          No need to feel defensive because I'm being direct and you maybe haven't taken the point made.. my accent is often too hard for US hubbers to appreciate.. but down here, we say it as it is and don't really pussyfoot around the facts... And appreciate it when that is reciprocal.. It costs nothing to be polite, we believe if people just choose to ignore ya.. then they're the one with the problem... the act says far more about them than it does the person being ignored!  But I also appreciate that lots of people online have little or no ability to lighten up and laugh at themselves if they act like a wally!
          
          As the OP... you're right... it's not all about you... But when you ask for opinions and people give them... I believe in most parts of the States that I've been to (40 odd states).. a reply to the individual contributing to one's thread is still regarded as polite... I could be wrong, maybe it's changed since I was last there?
          
          I actually thought my original post was worthy of a little more respect, as it contained some pretty solid, tried and true advice... but clearly it wasn't...

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             Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

             I believe my intentions were misunderstood and for that, I apologize. Every answer was appreciated and valuable. I did state that, although not to each individual post. I hope we can move on.

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                Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                Straight away - we are completely poles apart!  As a writer, I am always amused by how poorly people consider the art of communication.... We are a generation apart here... and you don't want to hear my opinion... Factually - I am correct and even though you stated otherwise, you placed no value on the words given to you!  As a writer, you should if you expect to be something beyond average, completely understand the point I have made here... If you don't then you don't appreciate your reader, as all readers require the writer, to provide a solid and engaging base of communication that is built on the respect of the reader... not the writer!  Understand Y/N... probably N..
                
                Perhaps that's because of the 2 different age groups involved here! 
                The term 'moving on' to me and my age group is a really inappropriate way of communicating with those older than you... because those terms were in MY days in Sales Management used ONLY as a way of handling a difficult objection or person - arrogantly! 
                Your age group use it most frivolously, as if it is the buzziest term that can be used... however, when it is attached to, or used in association with an apology, it effectively removes the genuineness of "I'm Sorry" by turning it into "I'm Not Really Sorry... Phew!"  Understand Y/N/Irrelevant  ?
                
                Perhaps... 'moving on' as a defensive escape of a difficult subject was used perfectly by you, but in the ART of communication... finger-painting is as effective when talking to someone from a different culture!  I'll let you off.... if you don't take offense to what I've said... then you've actually learned a little about improving your writing and communication skills...    Enjoy your New Year

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                   Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                   Thank you, you as well.

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                      Cordelia Bayposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                      I think the best way to combat loneliness is to be at peace with your self. At times, when we are alone we tend to beat our self up with thoughts and imaginations....if one is forthright and truthful with one's self...the silence of being by one's self is not so difficult. Thanks. Good luck and Happy New Year!

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                         Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                         And to you.

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    ftclickposted 11 years ago

    There are local groups you can join that have common interests whether it be professional, religion, sports, travel, etc. Meetup comes to mind.

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