My Husband Passed On

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   Raj chhatreposted 11 years ago

   That's really bad news !

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   thumbi7posted 11 years ago

   I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers for you...
   You have taken a good decision not to cling to your son. Take care

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   harisnefoposted 11 years ago

   Pls accept my sympathy

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   PegCole17posted 11 years ago

   Jean, I remember you and I'm glad you've come here to let us know about the passing of your dear husband. That is something so unimaginable at his age. I'm so sorry for your loss and wish for you and your son comfort and strength as you go through this most difficult time.
   Love
   Peg

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   Junaid Feroozposted 11 years ago

   Oh so sad, May His Soul Rest In Peace.

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   Mahfoudh Muhammedposted 11 years ago

   May your father and husband rest in peace.

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   Kiss andTalesposted 11 years ago

   Jean I would like to give you my heart in saying I know death is a very painful experience ,no one is ever ready for this ,even the bible says it is our enemy . At 1 Corinthians 15:26 says death will be bought to nothing, Just as the bible in Genesis says how death came into our human existence , it also says how death will end. What has helped me cope with the lost of my loved ones is to remember ,Rev 1:18 says he has the Keys to death and the grave , When some one has a key to unlock a door it content is to found . which means many will return to their families.

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   Jlbowdenposted 11 years ago

   Hello Jean:
   
   My sincerest condolences on the untimely passing of your husband. And hopefully the aftershock during this most unfortunate family tragedy will not be too burdensome on you and your son.
   
   I can also relate with you, during this time, because I am currently over in the Hampton's with a family member who had recently passed away from lung cancer.  So since we are both in a similar similar predicament here....
   
   Riding out a nasty snow storm passing through both of our neck of the woods.  Let's take a little time out to say a little prayer in our separate abodes, for families like ours, who need a little cheering up while helping out another loved one, or going through a tragedy as you currently are.
   
   I also, much like yourself,  have not been very active in our community of diverse and talented writer's here on hubpages  So with that said, why don't we both make a little effort to reach out during this time,  to help folks like us and those others, that are grieving as a result of similar circumstances as ours. 
   
   Who knows maybe penning a few new articles or so, can help lift the spirits a little more until these storms once again, are nothing but old water under an old rickety bridge.
   
   - Again my sincerest  sympathies and thoughts that go out to you, during this unfortunate passing of your spouse.
   
   Jlbowden
   
   Jim

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      Jean Bakulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Jim,
      I do find that being creative helps me. Someone mistakenly told me my brother passed away two summers ago, and I was stunned. I wrote like crazy. Thankfully, it wasn't true. But it is good to keep busy. I cry a little, but there's so much to do, and we have all this nervous energy, my son and I are just pacing around. Tonight we chose pictures, music, and wrote down a few stories and things we want said at the service Thursday.
      
      I'm sorry you are also having a hard time. It's so hard. People want to help, but I have been awakened by the phone every time I tried to sleep. And I have had enough loss to know after the service, that will completely stop, and we will be alone. One person dropped off a lot of good food, the best thing, because my focus is awful. I like your idea about writing though. If we can write about our experiences and help others, we can be doing something useful and cathartic for ourselves. I'll be praying for you too.

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         Phyllis Doyleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Jean and Jim, I so understand what you both are going through and it is not easy. My heart and prayers go out to you and I hope you find peace and healing within, knowing that you have so many people here who support you in giving ways.
         
         You both are doing good by staying creative and writing. In a short time span of a little less than four years, there were four deaths in my family. My eldest brother, my brother-in-law, my Mother, and then fairly recently my sister-in-law. It has been devastating and caused drastic life changes within the family.
         
         My only way through it all was faith in myself, and my writing. I wrote so many poems of deeply emotional feelings of a wide range. Some I published on HP, most I put in my private journal. Every time another spell of sorrow and tears hit me, a new poem was born. All that writing helped greatly to heal me. You are so right that, "If we can write about our experiences and help others, we can be doing something useful and cathartic for ourselves."
         
         Take care and blessings to you both and your loved ones.

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   CarolHubbardposted 11 years ago

   Dear Jean,
   
   I'm so very, very sorry for your sudden and wrenching loss. It's not one I've ever experienced (nor am likely to, as I've been divorced for many years). However, I've known the loss of parents, a baby, friends, etc., so I know that grief is not a linear, predictable process.
   
   As such, I hope you will be gentle with yourself (and your son). Each of you may grieve very differently (and for different lengths of time). You may skip certain steps (returning to them later) while repeating others. But if you let yourself feel and do what you need to feel and do, healing and peace will come in its own time.
   
   I hope you know that you will see your beloved husband again one day. Be well ...
   
   Carol

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      Jean Bakulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Carol,
      Yes, my son and I are giving each other space. It's still busy, so we have stuff to do, but I know it's going to be hard after the service. I have to do all the financial stuff next week, Life Insurance, deal with his work staff, close our joint accounts and all that. So I will have more things to do. I am an astrologer and tarot reader, and the woman who is an interfaith minister doing the service runs a metaphysical school near me. So I will ask her about a women's meditation/empowerment group she runs. I realize I have to get out of the house, so that's a place to start.
      
      I'm way overtired as well, so when the phone stops ringing, I need sleep. Thanks for your kindness.

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    bac2basicsposted 11 years ago

    Dear Jean.
    It´s almost 10 years since I lost my darling hearty the love of my life and so I can understand how devastated you must be feeling right now and am very sorry for your sudden loss, at least I had the time to prepare somewhat for my husbands passing, it doesn´t make it any easier when it comes but at least it wasn´t such a sudden shock, I do feel that must be harder to cope with and I´m sending a big hug your way.
    You have a long and difficult road in front of you Jean, but my advice is to take everything as it comes and just do the best you can knowing that eventually you will learn to live with your loss and it will become easier to do so with time.
    I believe our loved one´s never leave us entirely and have written a few hubs about this, maybe reading them will help you in some way if you have a similar outlook but I know not everyone does.
    Take care of yourself Jean and accept everything that grief throws your way as normal for you, we each have our own ways of getting through this terrible time, there are no set patterns or time limits on this, we just have to do the best we can and lean on our family and friends when it seems too much to handle on our own.
    Love to you and your son. Anne.

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    MizBejabbersposted 11 years ago

    Jean, I am so sorry for your earthly loss. He has transformed and passed on to another realm. It sounds like you had a beautiful life together and now you have such good memories to hold on to.That is what true love is.

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    Jo_Goldsmith11posted 11 years ago

    Dear Jean,
    
    The love you two shared will be forever and live on.
    The wonderful memories, this will keep you strong!
    The tears, let them fall
    The time will heal the pain
    His love will shower you
    Everytime it rains
    
    Do not fear
    You will meet again
    Your love is forever
    God Bless you
    Shalom
    A-Men
    
    I send you my love, hugs and I pray that Angels will
    comfort you in this difficult time.
    

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    HollieTposted 11 years ago

    Jean, it's ok to take the phone off the hook and just shut the world out for a bit, people will understand.
    
    When my dad died I had to do everything for my mum, because she just couldn't. After ringing immediate family I had to ring my dad's friends and bite back the tears as I told them. I found that I ended up comforting them.
    
    From that experience I learnt that you should not be there to comfort other people, not when you're suffering yourself. Not yet anyway.
    
    Do what you have to for you and your son. Speak to people when you are ready and not before. Get some sleep and be guided by what you both need right now. The rest can wait and everyone will be here for you when you need them

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       Jean Bakulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks Hollie,
       My Dad also died suddenly, and I had to deal with many details, my Mother was in shock (as were we all) but she drank a lot, making it worse. When I realized most of my husband's coworkers and people from our sons' martial arts school were coming to the service, I had to stop telling people. I put an announcement in several newspapers. If people find out later, I can't help it.
       
       We got through that and it went well. I guess he always knew he would go first, he didn't want a maudlin service. So we played mellow classic rock, and at the end amped it up. We had a lot of pictures of happy times, and our son played a guitar song he wrote, but had never played before, so felt it must have been for this occasion. At the end, people weren't leaving, and I felt so shaky I had to eat a granola bar from my purse.
       
       We are doing some things together, but my son is going to his martial arts school, he never missed a day, he loves it, and they are supportive and wonderful people. I've been seeing to finances and it seems he left us in pretty good shape, we can pay off our house. I am also going to go on disability because of my scoliosis. I never wanted to feel defeated, but can't realistically make it through a work schedule, my life kind of is around my back and what it affects. So unfortunately I have to see a lot of doctors right now.
       
       It's so hard. We both agree we must sell his car, every time we come up the road, it seems like he's home, even though he isn't. I can feel him with us, both my son and I are pretty psychic. The clairvoyant who did the eulogy I wrote and added to it, gave us both messages from him that were spot on, even though she didn't know him. I believe in reincarnation, and we knew we had been together before and will be again. I will need a support group, it seems at this age we are losing a lot of people we loved. Love. I don't think it ever goes away, I think love is stronger than death.
       
       I am so thankful for all of you at HP who took the time to send us good wishes.

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          jansharesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Hi Jean, good to hear back from you. My heart continues to go out to you, your son, and now your mother. I'm so sorry for your losses. Sounds like you have a lot of love, support, and stability around you. I will pray for healing and strength to keep you going, one day at a time. Peace and God's love.

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          CarolHubbardposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Great update, Jean. Grief is a process that's not linear, logical or predictable. So, if you can't find support group, create your own. Yes, your husband is definitely hanging around for a while. And you're absolutely right about reincarnation ... that you've been together before and will be again. Interestingly enough, we don't always come back together in the same "roles."  Our spouse may be our child, or parent, or best friend, or sibling the next time. (It's part of the Soul's learning and growth process.) My website on reincarnation may interest you (ReincarnationTruth.com). On the "Books" page, you'll find links to some of the best books on reincarnation. The two you'd probably find particularly helpful right now are by Rob Schwartz. Take care ....

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          Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

          That breaks my heart. I'm sorry. I'm so glad he took care of you though. It's his way of showing you how much you meant to him.

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          HollieTposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Jean, imho, you have honestly come through the worst bit. It's good that your son is meeting with people who he is familiar with, and engaging with something he loves.
          
          Bereavement is a bit weird, imho. On the one hand, you want to be around the people you love, on the other, you need your space too. Because whilst  your grieving yourself, you're also trying to comfort your loved ones. I think it's healthy that you and your son are taking that little bit of space too. And it's good that you acknowledge you need a support group, or some support. We all do, at times like this!!
          
          I had to sell my dad's car, it was his pride and joy, a Jaguar XJ8, a retirement present to himself. I had to tolerate people sniffing around it, offering far less than it was worth. In the end I accepted an offer so that it was gone. Having it on the drive was far more painful than accepting a lower offer. In the end my mum said it's just a car, your dad would not want us getting upset about this. And she was right. Best of luck to you and your son Jean, you'll pull through!

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             Jean Bakulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

             Thanks Hollie,
             I understand how you felt about the car. I don't care what I get for the car, I just want it gone. We've had so much snow lately, and the temperatures are frigid, so it's been icy and we have enough of a problem shoveling out our own 2 cars to get where we need to go. It's a pretty one lane road, but not so nice in icy weather, I haven't seen it this bad in years. My son is outside knocking icicles off the house. The snow should be all melted so we can get the car out soon, a friend who lives on a busier street offered to park it by his house so it gets more attention. I also have a friend of a friend who is interested in it. But I don't really like him much, and am worried if I sell it to him, and something goes wrong with it down the road, I'll never hear the end of it.

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    Silva Hayesposted 11 years ago

    Y'all are going to be okay.  Your view of life will sustain you.  I'm glad you live where you do; it sounds peaceful and comforting.  { hug }

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