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My Husband Passed On

  1. Jean Bakula profile image93
    Jean Bakulaposted 3 years ago

    A lot of you are newbies and don't remember me from when I was more active on Hubpages, but I wanted to share that my husband of 34 yrs. passed on last Thursday evening. It was totally unexpected, and he and I were/are the same age, 58. So far I have so much to do, I have no family but our adult son, but we've managed to do what had to be done. We notified everyone, cried, made arrangements for a service, cried, are shocky and shakey, and we cry. I still haven't had the big cry yet, but it's coming.

    It's both amazing and overwhelming that so many people are calling. In fact, too many. I'm almost relieved the phone is quiet and I can have a few minutes to log on here and do something I like to do. I know the weeks and months ahead will be hard, and appreciate your prayers and thoughts. He was so loved by his co-workers, a very ethnically mixed bunch. One man from India called this morning and wanted to know when I was holding the cremation. I had to tell him this is illegal in my state, nobody attends that, not even my Sister in law who is a mortician could do it. He seemed shocked that the service will have an urn and we're putting up pictures and doing one of those "Celebration of Life" things. I promised him I would play classic rock, and try not to make it maudlin. I don't know why he always thought he would pass first. It's been so cold we just got the outdoor Christmas ornaments down from outside. It's like that was a year ago.

    But he didn't suffer, it was fast. It's hard to be grateful for that right now, but I know in the future it will help a great deal. I'm trying not to cling to my son. My Dad passed when I was almost the same age he is, and although I loved my Mom, she was so needy, she often became a thorn in my side. Even people you love can be a burden at times, and I don't want to do that to him.

    I was just seeing my traffic pick up a bit here, and considering coming back. Or at least deleting some old hubs and writing some new ones. I always liked writing here the most, and creativity is healing. Thanks for "listening."

    1. profile image0
      Beth37posted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Oh Jean... sad

    2. galleryofgrace profile image81
      galleryofgraceposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      You are loved! Be strong.

    3. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
      DzyMsLizzyposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I am so very, very sorry to learn of this tragic and sudden loss.  My heart goes out to you.  I understand your shock of his sudden and unexpected passing; I lost my mother in the same way.  Yes, you will have that "big cry."  It will be therapeutic.
      I am reminded of something a friend of mine said, on losing her husband.  She summed it up as, "It is better to have loved a great love and said farewell to that love, than never to have loved at all."  I know that does not fix anything, but it is something to hang onto for the future.
      Mere words seem useless and powerless at times like this.  I can only extend my sincere condolences and offer a virtual hug across the miles.

    4. Cardisa profile image90
      Cardisaposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      My heart goes out to you, I cannot but imagine what you are going through now. Please know you are in my prayers. Much love.

    5. Barbara Kay profile image86
      Barbara Kayposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I am so sorry Jean. Prayers are being sent for you and your son.

    6. gmwilliams profile image83
      gmwilliamsposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I am sorry for your loss.  My sympathy and condolences to you and your son.

    7. Hikapo profile image84
      Hikapoposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      http://s2.hubimg.com/u/8668721_f248.jpg

    8. Vhanfire profile image72
      Vhanfireposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I am sorry for your loss.
      Let me cheer you up with this poem I made hope it'll help

      Seasons

      Darkness once cuts my eyes
      Hearing the saddest goodbye
      Watering the hays on spring
      Like newly weds couple ring

      Forget those passed rain
      For clear skies are at the east
      Let go of your thousand pains
      For you're heading for the best

      Today, let your ears hear the song
      That deafen you for so long
      And let those tears you've given away
      Make some rainbow in this brand new day.   

      smile

    9. Phyllis Doyle profile image90
      Phyllis Doyleposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Jean, you have my deepest empathy. Take care of yourself and keep writing, for that seems to be therapeutic and healing for you.

    10. WiccanSage profile image95
      WiccanSageposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      My heart goes out to you and your son for your loss.

    11. HattieMattieMae profile image67
      HattieMattieMaeposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Sorry to hear about your loss! My thoughts and prayers are with you. In those tough moments, breathe and relax. Grieving is very hard and at first it is like a shock and than all of a sudden the big cry comes.  I still miss my grandfather and it's 7 years this year. I still cry time to time. Writing did help me alot on here on hubpages. smile

    12. profile image0
      Motown2Chitownposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      All my sympathy, Jean.  Take care of you.

    13. Traci Ruffner profile image81
      Traci Ruffnerposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I am so sorry.  I cannot even imagine what you must be going through. sad

    14. Christy Kirwan profile image
      89
      Christy Kirwanposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I'm so sorry for your loss, Jean. The HP Team offers our condolences. We wish the very best for you and your son in the hard times to come.

    15. The Examiner-1 profile image80
      The Examiner-1posted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Hugs and sorrow Jean. sad Have strength, for after the mourning period you must keep a place for him in your heart, keep your chin up, and go on with your life. smile

      1. Jean Bakula profile image93
        Jean Bakulaposted 3 years ago in reply to this

        Once again, thank you all for your comforting words, it means so much to me. Now it's snowing like crazy, just what we don't need while running around to make arrangements. My son and I are being strong for each other. Izzy Time Traveller, Paul Goodman, and all the others I remember, your kindness is carrying us. And thanks for passing on the message from Randy, I always enjoyed his arguments on the forums, he always makes things lively.

    16. bethperry profile image89
      bethperryposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Jean, my heartfelt condolences for your loss. Keep strong, sweetie, and know there are those praying for you.

    17. brakel2 profile image86
      brakel2posted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Hi Jean - I am glad to see you back and keeping busy. I know it is hard for you. I read about selling the car, and good luck with that effort.  I am so sorry the weather has been so bad through all of your turmoil, and pray for it to break soon. It may break here this next week, for a while anyway. I feel like I am talking to you in person for some reason. I guess it is because you are so open and honest about your feelings. You are in my prayers, and I will add your son.  Hugs.   Audrey.

  2. Thief12 profile image92
    Thief12posted 3 years ago

    I'm sorry for your loss, and wish lots of strength to you and your family.

  3. Theater girl profile image79
    Theater girlposted 3 years ago via iphone

    Blessings to you....and take care of yourself

  4. profile image0
    Beth37posted 3 years ago

    Will you need help, Jean?

  5. ologsinquito profile image93
    ologsinquitoposted 3 years ago

    I am so sorry to hear this and I don't know what to say except that you can expect a lot of support on Hub Pages.

  6. JRScarbrough profile image86
    JRScarbroughposted 3 years ago

    I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m glad you are able to remain positive and are able to come on here and do what you love to do. I hope the days get easier and that you soon feel a lot better.

  7. Rosie2010 profile image76
    Rosie2010posted 3 years ago

    Oh I'm so sorry to hear this.  Hugs to you, Jean, and your son.  You will be included in my prayers.  May your husband rest in peace.

  8. innerspin profile image87
    innerspinposted 3 years ago

    I'm so sorry, Jean. Come and write when you need to. People will be here for you.

  9. Marcy Goodfleisch profile image94
    Marcy Goodfleischposted 3 years ago

    Jean, I am so, so sorry - what a sad and tragic loss. Please let us know if we can do anything. You have my prayers and loving thoughts.

  10. anglnwu profile image86
    anglnwuposted 3 years ago

    So sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself.

  11. LuisEGonzalez profile image82
    LuisEGonzalezposted 3 years ago

    Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

  12. AliciaC profile image97
    AliciaCposted 3 years ago

    I am so very sorry for your loss and the difficult time that you are going through, Jean. My thoughts are with you.

  13. donotfear profile image92
    donotfearposted 3 years ago

    May your heart find peace....allow yourself to go through the stages of grief.  You are in my thoughts.  May you be surrounded with our Creator's warm embrace...

    http://s2.hubimg.com/u/5113193_f1024.jpg

  14. NateB11 profile image93
    NateB11posted 3 years ago

    Very sorry to hear that, Jean.

    1. Jean Bakula profile image93
      Jean Bakulaposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Thanks, all of you. I remember you tipoague, thanks for your kindness. donotfear, that's a great saying, and very inspiring. DzyMsLizzy, I do know that many people have not had the kind of love I had from him, and that is something I'm holding onto for dear life, right now. This is what I love about this site, in spite of all our complaints, we are a sort of family. Thanks, all of you who are "new" to the family, I hope to be back writing with you soon.

      1. word55 profile image80
        word55posted 3 years ago in reply to this

        Hi Jean Bakula,

        I sympathize whole-heartedly with you. May your future become bright er than the past. I probably wasn't here before when you were writing but come and rejoin us.

  15. tlpoague profile image87
    tlpoagueposted 3 years ago

    I am sorry to hear of your loss.
    Today is the one year anniversary that my sister (momster) lost her hubby (challks) and nearly lost her life. I have been struggling all day to come up with a hub to update the wonderful HP family of her progress.
    That is one thing about HP that keeps me coming back. There is always someone to help overcome those hard moments of grief.
    I hope to see you come back soon. I enjoyed reading your hubs. If by chance you don't, remember you will be thought of with many prayers.

  16. Purpose Embraced profile image93
    Purpose Embracedposted 3 years ago

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, praying that you will experience God's strength and peace in this time.

  17. janshares profile image89
    jansharesposted 3 years ago

    Oh Jean, be as strong as you can, I'll cry for you. Hold your head up high as you realize the gift and honor it was to have him in your life.
    It's amazing how I don't even know you but my eyes well up with tears for you. Please accept my sincere condolences and prayers for strength.

  18. Silva Hayes profile image94
    Silva Hayesposted 3 years ago

    I am sorry for your loss; my heartfelt condolences.  So young ... Hugs to you across the miles.

  19. Grant's World profile image81
    Grant's Worldposted 3 years ago

    Thinking of you. My condolences.

  20. LCDWriter profile image95
    LCDWriterposted 3 years ago

    Deeply sorry for the loss and grief you are facing.

  21. phdast7 profile image83
    phdast7posted 3 years ago

    Dear Jean.   I am so sorry.   I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this must be.  I am saying prayers for you and your son.  Do take care of yourself in this very difficult time.   Theresa

  22. Nell Rose profile image90
    Nell Roseposted 3 years ago

    Oh Jean I am so sorry for your loss. We are all thinking of you here, my deepest sympathy.

  23. GmaGoldie profile image83
    GmaGoldieposted 3 years ago

    I lost my husband when he was 58 - way too young. Very, very sad but he and I met and I was determined never to marry and meeting him was a complete surprise so the few years we had together were so very precious.

    After he died I felt guilty and feared that perhaps he made me happy but perhaps I didn't make him happy. Oh, all the emotions. His son stated the nicest thing that I ever heard and it remains to be a comfort to me - that he never saw his Dad so happy.

    I have deep sorrow but oh the joyous memories of a man who I never could have have dream t about.So today I remain daily remembering this great man and forever thankful for the memories he gave me.

    I feel your pain. The days will pass, the pain will lessen - hold tight to the memories. You and your family are in my prayers. God bless.

  24. profile image0
    calculus-geometryposted 3 years ago

    Jean, I'm so sorry to hear of your husband's passing and I hope you and your son can be comforted by the memories of all your years together.  34 years is an impressive and rare feat.

  25. Earl Noah Bernsby profile image89
    Earl Noah Bernsbyposted 3 years ago

    I am so sorry for your loss!  I will say a prayer for you and your late husband, and I wish you strength and courage during this difficult time.

  26. toknowinfo profile image90
    toknowinfoposted 3 years ago

    There are no words I can say that will relieve your pain or help you through your sorrow. You have suffered a great loss, one that will take a long time to recover from. I hope writing becomes a healthy outlet for your grief. Seek comfort in bereavement groups when you are ready. Reach out and do whatever you need to not feel alone. Yet, give yourself time to be alone so that you allow yourself time to deal with your pain. Time will help you adjust. I hope you feel his presence with you always, and may your journey of sadness bring you to a point that his memory is blessing and the life you have had together brings you gratitude. Take care of yourself. Your strength will be a model for your son.

  27. Vhanfire profile image72
    Vhanfireposted 3 years ago

    I am sorry for your loss.
    Let me cheer you up with this poem I made hope it'll help

    Seasons

    Darkness once cuts my eyes
    Hearing the saddest goodbye
    Watering the hays on spring
    Like newly weds couple ring

    Forget those passed rain
    For clear skies are at the east
    Let go of your thousand pains
    For you're heading for the best

    Today, let your ears hear the song
    That deafen you for so long
    And let those tears you've given away
    Make some rainbow in this brand new day.   

    smile

  28. profile image0
    MysticMoonlightposted 3 years ago

    My condolences to you and your son, Jean. There are no words to soothe such sorrow but I do want to wish you and your son comfort and healing. Blessings to you both during this most difficult time.

  29. PaulGoodman67 profile image92
    PaulGoodman67posted 3 years ago

    Sorry to hear about your loss, Jean.  Best wishes from me for this very trying time ahead!

  30. a beautiful mess profile image93
    a beautiful messposted 3 years ago

    you and your family are in my prayers. i'll put you in our book of prayer intentions, so that we can offer mass for your husband.

  31. Lisa HW profile image81
    Lisa HWposted 3 years ago

    I'm so sorry to learn of this, Jean.

  32. brakel2 profile image86
    brakel2posted 3 years ago via iphone

    Dear Jean. You are a special person. May you find strength and courage at this time. We all love you. Do you need anything?    Hugs.  Audrey

  33. Shyron E Shenko profile image84
    Shyron E Shenkoposted 3 years ago

    I am so sorry Jean, I hope that you are well.   I know that you are strong, I have read that in your hubs.
    God bless and keep you!

  34. fpherj48 profile image77
    fpherj48posted 3 years ago

    Jean.....I am sorry we have never met, but at this sad time, please believe that I am within your heart.  I can truly feel all that you and your son are going through, because of this sudden loss.  How blessed to have had 34 years with your beloved husband.  All the many memories will surely bring you comfort in the days and months ahead, Jean..  One day at a time, as you and your son hold tight to one another.  My sincere condolences.  Paula

  35. LongTimeMother profile image95
    LongTimeMotherposted 3 years ago

    Hi Jean. Welcome back. We'll be around when you need company. smile

  36. LongTimeMother profile image95
    LongTimeMotherposted 3 years ago

    Randy Godwin said he'd like to offer words of comfort to you, Jean, but he's banned from the forums ... so I'm passing on his love.

    No doubt you'll both cross paths again when you have more time to write.

  37. Muttface profile image89
    Muttfaceposted 3 years ago

    This is devastating news, my heart goes out to you and your son.

  38. HollieT profile image85
    HollieTposted 3 years ago

    I'm really sorry to hear your news, Jean. This must have been a terrible shock for you and your son.

  39. kjpiercetrc profile image88
    kjpiercetrcposted 3 years ago

    I'm so very sorry, Jean. I can't imagine what this must be like, but I hope you and your son find the solace and peace you need.

  40. dwelburn profile image95
    dwelburnposted 3 years ago

    I'm really sorry to hear this. Must be such a difficult time for you. Can't imagine how bad something like that must be.

  41. IzzyM profile image87
    IzzyMposted 3 years ago

    I am so sorry to hear your very sad news, Jean. Big hugs and thinking of you xx
    I hope this poem will bring you some comfort.

    Do not stand at my grave and weep;
    I am not there. I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow.
    I am the diamond glints on snow.
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
    I am the gentle morning rain.
    When you awaken in the morning's hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
    I am the soft stars that shine at night.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry;
    I am not there. I did not die.

  42. Anamika S profile image68
    Anamika Sposted 3 years ago

    Hearty Condolences. May God give you the strength to bear the loss.

  43. Kathleen Cochran profile image85
    Kathleen Cochranposted 3 years ago

    We always seem to be here for each other in a unique way.  We expect nothing.  We provide a listening heart whenever you need one.  We'll share your grief and somehow, it will help a little.

  44. lady rain profile image86
    lady rainposted 3 years ago

    So sorry to hear of your loss. May you find strength and comfort in the good memories. Big hugs to you.

  45. cfin profile image80
    cfinposted 3 years ago

    Bless you with every blessing that there is. I couldn't imagine losing my wife. Always stay strong and positive. I always tell my wife that if anything were ever to happen to one of us, just think of how lucky we were to have found each other and to have spent so much time together. It's a crazy thing to say, but it's true.

    Glad to listen. Keep sharing and keep creating.

  46. Good Guy profile image93
    Good Guyposted 3 years ago

    Take good care of yourself.  "Mother Time" will reduce your sorrow.  Strive on with diligence.

  47. wwriter profile image85
    wwriterposted 3 years ago

    I am so sorry to read about your loss. Heartfelt condolences. It is a mercy he did not have any prolonged suffering.

  48. prettydarkhorse profile image63
    prettydarkhorseposted 3 years ago

    I am sorry, I don't know what to say really in times like this, but I want you to know that I just care. HUGS.

  49. starstream profile image75
    starstreamposted 3 years ago

    Sending healing light to comfort you.

  50. profile image60
    Raj chhatreposted 3 years ago

    That's really bad news !

 
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