My partner died today

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   WriteAngledposted 13 years ago

   because he would not stop drinking.
   
   I mourned a long time ago for the death of the man I loved, cried out all my tears then. No tears left for today.

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      skye2dayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand. I am married to an alcoholic. It is an illness that tells the person they do not have one. It is like a tornado that moves in and wipes out what is on the path. It is not for the light hearted. God will comfort you. Take refuge under the shadow of his wings. I have said a prayer for you. You are in my thoughts. Love n Peace
      skye2day

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         WriteAngledposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         How lovely to meet someone following the path I have trodden! May your future be lighter.

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            skye2dayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            writeangled It is only because of the Lord I do have an awesome hope and future. He loves me and you to sister. I trust him. He knows what he is doing. I mettle things up. Many Blessings. Skye

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         WriteAngledposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         And you are in my thoughts too. I pray to the Ones I worship that you do not have to tread this same path, that the one you love will wake up before it is too late.

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      Putz Ballardposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      At times like this words and vocabularies rich in comforting rhetoric seem to be fleeting and fail us and to simply say we feel your sorrow seems so inadequate to convey our sympathy. The broken heart with all the  emotions you surely are now experiencing are most difficult for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May God surround you with His arms of love and give you peace.

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      shannon86posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

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      AEvansposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      My prayers are with you (((Big Hugs)))

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      lorlie6posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I am so sorry, WriteAngled.  I think I may be watching the very same thing.  Be strong-lots of hugs.

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      pisean282311posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      i m sorry..i dont know what to say...just wish for strength in hour of grief...

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      edguiderposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I am sorry for your loss. I have seen several friends pass away due to alcohol. One of my friends got to the point where all he drank was rubbing alcohol, he passed away weeks after that.
      
      I wish you the best and will pray.

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      nikki1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      He is in a better place. Where he is no longer in pain,. God grant strength in her life. As you know she lost her partner, Amen.
      .  It would be a good idea to bond with your family. Be around positive people. Get involved in your community, if you believe in God join a church. That place is filled with love.
      Never have an ordinary dae. Make a difference and dedicate that to your partners memory. If you haven't done so, pray for his soul.

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      Andrew0208posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Take heart and be strong, all things work together for good. Since you couldn't stop the death of your beloved, then believe it can only work out for good and not for evil. You're never alone. Cheer up!

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       Ladybythelake55posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I am sorry to hear of your loss. I know I have been there so many times before. Some I can cry about and some I have no tears left for. Be strong and have courage. I pray things will get better for you.

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   luvpassionposted 13 years ago

   I'm so sorry...my regards.
   
   Teri

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   ryankettposted 13 years ago

   Sorry to hear this WriteAngled, my thoughts are with you (and your family?).

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   wyanjenposted 13 years ago

   Oh, I'm so sorry.
   
   so sad.
   
   (hug)
   
   You're in my thoughts.

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   My condolences and hope your grief passes quickly, so you can begin the healing process, and begin fresh.

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   Ohmaposted 13 years ago

   WriteAngled So sorry for your loss.

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   H.C Porterposted 13 years ago

   I am so sorry for your pain... I hope that today is a day of memories of good times, rather than the pain of the loss you have suffered.

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   Ladybird33posted 13 years ago

   I am so sorry, my heart, prayers and tears are with you.  virtual hug and many blessings for you!

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   thisisoliposted 13 years ago

   Hope you are okay!

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      WriteAngledposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not okay. He died with massive debts and I am not entitled to his pension, since we were not married yet. I have miniscule pension prospects and savings of my own. Have just joined Wealthy Affiliates. If I cannot crack this internet marketing stuff, I will have to continue working until I drop dead mid-translation.

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         ryankettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Its far too early for you to have to worry about money, but have you considered Hubpages as an effective revenue stream? I have built myself up to an income of $550 a month in 11 months, so I could expect to earn over $1100 a month in 11 months time. At least.
         
         If you want to work towards self-employment, or building up a pension pot for yourself alongside your normal day job, then Hubpages is the perfect place to start.
         
         That is the only reason that I do this stuff by the way, 332 hubs for my pension. This month I made a decent pension contribution for the first time in years, about $300. All from Hubpages.
         
         Please do not think that I do not sympathise greatly with your loss, please accept my sincere condolonces, but do not write Hubpages off as a source of revenue after 16 hubs...
         
         Take care in this difficult time,
         
         Ryan x

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            WriteAngledposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Ryan, I joined WA to try and find answers to getting traffic to all sorts of things including HP.
            
            Have not succeeded very well with hubs so far. Most get 0-2 views per day. I'm not so concerned with Adsense earnings, because these will depend on traffic. Currently Adsense is about 18% to payout after 6 months at HP. Amazon is about 7% to payout.
            
            I know I don't have many hubs yet, but I've been trying to see how to increase traffic to the ones I have. If I cannot get traffic to diverse hubs about diverse topics which are not heavily sales-oriented, I really stand no chance.
            
            Ack, look at me! Discussing traffic and stuff tonight....
            call me heartless...

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               ryankettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I just wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote, and achieved little success for 3 months. After 100 hubs I learnt how to use the Google Keyword Tool, and my next 100 hubs performed much better. After 200 hubs I discovered backlinking. My next 100 hubs performed better still, and some limited backlinking on my older hubs helped a bit.
               
               Hubs 300-400 will earn more than my first 300 hubs put together, and I can only really explain that through experience nurturing my instinct and a few bits that I have learnt through trial and error. The more hubs I write the better I get at 'just knowing' whether they will have a chance. I don't think that there is any substitute for experience.
               
               I use the google keyword tool, three backlinking sites, and look at my keyword sources in Google Analytics.
               
               That is honestly all that I do now. I still write hubs which get 0-2 page views per day. But it is not all about the traffic, be selfish. My 4th highest earning hub in May got only 50 page views, I wrote it because the title has a $9 keyword. All of the traffic came internally, not through search engines, I suspect that it came through my effective tagging. Pretty much stealing other peoples traffic.
               
               I learnt about tagging by reading a hub by a man named John (cant remember his full username but it is on the first page in internal search when you search tagging)and added 50% to my page views.
               
               I think Relache is another one who just churns out the hubs and crosses her fingers, rather successfully I am told.
               
               That is pretty much what I do now, slap out the hubs and hope that they get more than 0-2 page views per day. And that is the most effective system I have found.
               
               Sorry, this convo is for another day perhaps. Your right, worry about this another day. Bookmark and read through a clear head I guess that makes me heartless too
               
               Ry.

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                  skye2dayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Ryan your post is truly a Blessing. I thank you. I am not trying to be heartless either (-; but in posting to writeangled I could not help but read. I think I understand linking a bit more. Sending a hug to you and writeangled. Skye

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               skye2dayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               You are not heartless. Your heart must be ticking your are writing now. Kidding. So, Write about loss. Everyone has loss. The world has loss. People search how to deal with loss. Writing is so comforting. Go with the flow, accept where you are at now. It is part of the process. You can discuss finances and stuff. It is OK. I have lost many from the illness of alcoholism. It is painful and the illness makes me feel angry and sad. You have new topics and no one can rebuttal your experience. People need to know how you get through this, they can use your testimony for healing. Just a thought from the guy upstairs. Skye

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                  WriteAngledposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Thank you, Skye, I really appreciate that.

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                     skye2dayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                     writeangled You are so welcome sister. I went to your hubs earlier and joined up. Keep your eyes on things above. God is going to Bless you. Trust in him, lean on him. If not for him I would be over the edge. I have peace in Christ. Sending a warm hug. Skye

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               ThoughtfulSpotposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Certainly not heartless. Even at the worst of times, we must still be concerned about the living.  Those who are gone do not have anymore problems in this world, and it sounds like, this particular person has left quite a few behind for you.  Its completely natural for you to focus on the concrete, rather than the abstract side of this loss... especially in a situation that sounds so very complex.
               
               I am sorry for your loss, and your troubles both before and  after.  You are strong, and this shall pass.  Hang in there WA, at the very least, you are among friends here.

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               EmpressFelicityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               You're definitely NOT heartless - the bills do still have to be paid after all, and having a "project" like Hub Pages might end up being a huge help from a psychological as well as a financial point of view.

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         thisisoliposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Ahh, is the debt transferred to you?
         
         That really is an awful situation on top of everytihng else.
         
         It might help if you try finding one topic rather than diverse topics, that way you can fill a hubpages niche, which will increase your traffic.

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            WriteAngledposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I won't know until I see the solicitor. I know that his pension does not transfer to me, because we werent married. Were going to do so on July 28. Tonight I'm drinking the champagne we set aside for that event.

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         skye2dayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         God will get you through this. Are our finances ever secure? God is the only guarentee. People, places and things let us down, because we are human and sinners and not perfect. Everything changes in the world. God does not.
         
         God will answer because he loves you. He knows your trials and pain. He wants into our lives and hearts. Hes the guy. I pray the comfort of the Lord is on you now. Skye

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    NaomiRposted 13 years ago

    I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

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       Glenn Raymondposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I am truly sorry to hear this.  It is such a sad and hard thing to go through.  My hugs to you and you are in my prayers.

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    joaniembposted 13 years ago

    My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.

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    europewalkerposted 13 years ago

    I'm so sorry for your loss,take care.

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    Rafiniposted 13 years ago

    Sorry for your loss, take care.

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    Maddie Ruudposted 13 years ago

    My condolences, WriteAngled.  Put yourself first for a while, and let us know if we can do anything to help.

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    Jeramiposted 13 years ago

    My condolences as well.  Just take care of what ya can. and don't worry about the rest ... for now.  Hope you have friends and family for suport.  My prayers are with ya.

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    mrpopoposted 13 years ago

    I'm sorry for your loss.

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    donotfearposted 13 years ago

    May I offer a word of encourgement for you, a very brave woman?
    
    You gave from your heart. You felt; you believed in someone. You loved.  It's beyond your control. Your loved one passed.  Alcohol contributed to this passing. It is a tragedy & a waist.  But think of how different life would have been for the two of you if you hadn't spent this time together.  For this time on earth you shared your lives for a purpose.  You may not know why or how or what, but it was for a reason.  You are a better person for loving.  YOu lived, you laughted, you cried, you loved.   Now your life goes in a different direction. 
    
    You are truly appreciated here on Hubpages.  Never give up!  It may seem like a hopeless situation right now, but remember, it won't always hurt this bad.  You are valuable.....don't ever forget it.

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       WriteAngledposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Donotfear,
       
       You made me cry for the first time today. I'm bawling like a baby. Yet I also find some solace in your words. Thank you.

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          donotfearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          
          Allow it, feel it, hold it close....it's all part of healing.
          
          
          You are not alone..................

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    DonnaWallaceposted 13 years ago

    I am sorry for your loss.

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    Money Glitchposted 13 years ago

    Hi WriteAngled, Just wanted to let you know that...
    

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    Pearldiverposted 13 years ago

    So sorry for your loss WA.
    
    I'm sure you've heard the saying.. One door shuts and another opens.
    
    Stand back and you will see your new doors..
    
    Use your knowledge and experience as a niche and I'm sure it will provide you more than merely a financial reward.
    And BTW.. you are not legally responsible for any debt that doesn't carry your name.. useless you have agreed (signed) to be a guarrantor for a debt.
    
    Take care and keep your pecker up mate.

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    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    so very sorry to hear. {{hugs}} your heart is what matters now. he is at peace. take time to grieve, new doors are waiting.
    love, light, rebekah
    
    

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    Mishaposted 13 years ago

    That hurts, WA My condolences...

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    Marisa Wrightposted 13 years ago

    So sorry to hear of your troubles, WA.   I know what it's like knowing you're going to lose a loved one, and doing all your grieving during the interminable wait.  Then you feel guilty, because when it finally happens, all you can feel is relief.  And you shouldn't feel guilty, because the relief is not just for yourself, but for him - because he is finally free too.
    
    Now your life, which has been at a standstill, can finally start again.  Things can only go up from here!
    
    Ryan is right.  You don't need Wealthy Affiliates to make money from HubPages - traffic will come naturally, but it does take several months, which is why you haven't seen much success yet.  Look at Relache, who does no promotion but pays her rent with her 184 Hubs.
    
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Improve-Your-Hub-Earnings
    
    Personally if you're in that much financial strife, I wouldn't be shelling out $40 a month to anyone - you can learn everything you need to know from other Hubbers like Sunforged and Mark Knowles, right here on HP.

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    KCC Big Countryposted 13 years ago

    Hang in there, WriteAngled.  I know this is tough, but you're an incredibly strong woman and you'll be even stronger as you began to process the grief you're suffering.  Take care of yourself.  Be good to YOU.  You will be happy again, just give it time.
    
    As so many have said before me, you can make HP work for you.
    
    Take care.

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    heart4thewordposted 13 years ago

    I too, am so sorry:(  Letting go, is one of the hardest things, when loosing a loved one.  I hope and pray you take some time out to rest, and renew your strength.

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    Fluffymetalposted 13 years ago

    So sorry.  I've been watching my father battle with alcohol... it's so sad.  My prayers are with you.

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    habeeposted 13 years ago

    Sending cyber hugs, prayers, and good thoughts your way!

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    Aficionadaposted 13 years ago

    WriteAngled,  I am SO sorry to hear of your loss and the struggles you are facing.  You are in my thoughts and prayers now and in the days to come.  I pray also that this HP community can help you through these difficult days and that you will find comfort even within your grief.
    
    Sending many ((hugs)) and cydymdeimlad dwfn.

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    Sufidreamerposted 13 years ago

    Really sorry to hear that, WriteAngled
    
    Hugs and prayers from Greece

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    kirstenblogposted 13 years ago

    I too wish to convey my condolences for your loss. Alcoholism is so very painful for everyone involved. This added problem of debt is also a real cause for worry. Please do not feel that you are being heartless in hoping to find a way out of it that does not involve a soul destroying job for the rest of your life. You are an amazing person and you deserve so much more out of life. If any of these amazing hub earners offer to help with advice and such take it and run! You really do deserve so much more.

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    myownworldposted 13 years ago

    Isn't it amazing how at the hardest, most difficult times in our lives, a strange sense of numbness replaces feeling.... so that we're able to go on breathing, eating, stubbornly carrying on with the day to day routines of our lives even though so much around us has changed! I call it the resilience of human nature... stubbornly persisting... slowly smiling and even learning to hope once again.  It's life reiterating itself.
    
    Take care, I send you all my love... and many silent prayers. Best of luck with everything..x

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    IzzyMposted 13 years ago

    WA, I feel your pain. I have lost many friends and loved ones to alcohol over the past few years. Liver disease is now rampant in the UK thanks to the availability and affordability of alcohol. That plus we are a nation of drinkers anyway!
    I cannot tell you how sorry I am.
    If it's any help, if you are not entitled to his pension, you are not liable for his debts either, unless they were joint debts in which case I think you will find you have full responisibility.

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    Richieb799posted 13 years ago

    Ah Sorry Write Angled,  Your strong you can get through it x

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    seanorjohnposted 13 years ago

    So sorry to hear of your sad loss.I will pray that your life is transformed. When I figure out how to make hubpages pay I will make it my first priority to help you achieve monetary success on hubpages.
    I honestly believe you are on the brink of reaping great rewards and success in the near future.The next few years are going to be the best years of your life. I just have  this strong feeling that life is about to give you the break you richly deserve.

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    prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

    I just want to say that things always get better and I see in your posts even before you're a smart woman and I know you're doing everything, I hope you dont lose hope along the way, Keep on, HUGS!

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    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    it's not heartless at all, it's a natural response to go into a survival mode. my husband died at a young age. you will do things you don't understand, be easy on your feelings, they are quite fragile. but it in no way is heartless to think about your source of income. wishing you the best. 
    
    [you might find some solace in some writings from a hubber here, missi darnell. she has been writing about her first few months since her husband died.]

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    Jen's Solitudeposted 13 years ago

    I'm so sorry to read of the death of your partner. It is hard to watch someone slowly drink his life away. It does get to the point where feelings fade because their self abuse continues for so long. My father died when he was just 42 years old because he was an alcoholic. I was just a teenager at the time, but can still remember the hopelessness that accompanies watching someone who cannot control their craving for alcohol. My condolences for your lost.

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    tonymac04posted 13 years ago

    So sorry to hear this, WA. Words fail me. Just hope you have some support systems around you. I really understand the "no tears left"! Give yourself time and love.
    Love and peace
    Tony

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    Non-offensiveUserposted 13 years ago

    It saddens me to hear of your loss, but in many ways this could be a blessing.  He no longer is controlled by the vices that inprisoned him here on earth, and you no longer have to worry about him.  Now is the time for you to focus on taking care of yourself instead of him.  He is now in the very best hands possible.  Take the time now to focus on where you want to be, and work on doing all of the things it will take to get yourself there.  Trust me, he wants nothing more than to see you achieve all of your dreams and be as happy as possible.  I know that this is quite a loss for you and your family, but it can also be the turning point that you need to unlock your true potental.
    
    Best of luck to you and your family

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    Precious Williamsposted 13 years ago

    I am really sorry at your loss. Never feel ashamed about what you feel or don't feel. We all handle loss in very different ways and you have to do it your way.    When Nigella Lawson got married to Charles Saatchi so soon after her husband John Diamond died, people were very disapproving say it was too soon.  I've heard her say that in fact he had distanced himself from her more than a year before and like you she felt she had no tears left. I know she lost him in different circumstances from yourself but you have both faced this very personal tragedy. I mention it to make the point there is no magic formulae of how you should react or act.  Just be yourself and now put your needs first.  Peace be with you.

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    Zsuzsy Beeposted 13 years ago

    My condolences, WriteAngled. He is at peace. Now it is time to take care of you.

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    wrenfrost56posted 13 years ago

    Oh, WA. I'm so sorry to hear of this, I am thinking of you and wish you all the best in this sad time. Take care.

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    Derek Dposted 13 years ago

    Sorry for your loss.............
    May your tears be replaced with fond memories.............

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