What are your views on this matter? Do you believe people should wait until they are married to get pregnant? Do you think it is okay to get pregnant if a couple is in love but are choosing not to get married? What do you think should happen in the event that a pregnancy occurs unplanned, whether married or not?
In ideal world, yes, but... our world is far from ideal. Things happen. If pregnancy happened unplanned, I think both parties involved should sit and have a long talk and make a decision they are NOT going to regret for the rest of their lives. At this day and age people should know well enough that sex can cause pregnancy whether you want it or not and behave accordingly. Marriage is just a legally confirmed bond between two people, that is useful if you live in a society but not the reason people get pregnant and have kids.
Do you think this question is truly relevant in the year 2011?
I'm not sure that it matters. I was married and in love with my husband when I got pregnant, and now we are divorced and with different partners. Being married or not, if you have a mature relationship, good communication, and a love and understanding I don't think it should matter. Now teen pregnancy I think can be viewed a bit differently.... That is where the maturity factor comes into play.
For me, the main thing is that you're a good parent, or parents.
I was a parent before marriage. For me marriage is a paper. To me it is what is in the heart
I feel that societies views are changing on this matter. Decades ago it would have been greatly unacceptable to be pregnant before marriage, but as this is becoming a more common practice I feel that while society may not think that it is right they are becoming more tolerant of immune to pregnancy before marriage. Our government even recognises two people living together, unmarried, as a family.
I also feel that marriage is a union formed by two people vowing to stay solely unto each other. While marriage stops confusion, when it comes to addressing the parents, it does not give you parenting advice, stay up with you at night with un unsettled baby, nor does it give you a law on raising a child, which school to send your child to. The term Parent does that!
And finally I was pregnant before marriage, and we were encouraged to get married, because it was the "right" thing to do. After I got married I really didn't feel that any thing had changed between my husband and I, our relationship did not hit a new level, I did not suddenly have all the knowledge in the world about raising a child. I believe that if two people love each other enough, they will work through anything that challenges them, I don't believe that marriage changes that. I know quite a few families, who are close friends of ours, who are not married, but have several children of their own.
Ideally, I believe that people should wait to have children until they are married (given that marriage is contingent on a happy, healthy relationship). However, realistically I understand circumstances are different for everyone.
If a couple is in a loving, committed union with all of the basic ingredients for a happy, healthy relationship: love, respect, loyalty, honesty, friendship and passion and they have jointly decided that they do not want to get married but live their lives together and commit to having and raising children together, then I don’t see why being legally married matters or is even a factor…what matters is that the couple is making a commitment to doing their best to be good parents (all any of us parents can strive for).
An unplanned pregnancy (whether a couple is married or not) however, can cause a relationship tons of stress, strain and sometimes dissension. In this situation I agree with Home Girl and think that it is best to seriously weigh all factors and discuss before making any decision that will affect the rest of the couple’s life.
With respect to teaching our young teenage girls and boys about pregnancy and marriage…I strongly feel that our society should promote and parents should reinforce the importance of being in the right state of mind and position: mentally, spiritually and financially to be a parent – which in most cases is not until someone is well into adulthood. It is sad that our society has become so accepting and immune to teen pregnancy that there is even a television show glorifying (even if the intent was not to) this unfortunate situation. Now more than ever, especially in lower-income households, children are being born to “baby daddies” and “baby mammas” as a result of unplanned pregnancy as opposed to agreed upon, planned pregnancy between husbands and wives or committed live-in couples.
I think that it is a personal choice. Idon't see a problem with it as long as you are a good parent and can take care of the child. But I do think that BOTH parents should be present in the kids life. For me I think it matters less because there are some unmarried couples that would ten times better raising kids than some married ones.
I pretty much agree with HomeGirl. In an ideal world, a couple should be in a loving, committed relationship that is emotionally and financially secure (whether officially "married" or not) before having a child.
Unfortunately, it's not an ideal world, so we'll just have to make do with what we get and be as sensible and responsible about it as we possibly can under whatever circumstances are handed to us. Obviously one hopes that the couple in question will be able to simply start a happy family a few years earlier than planned, but if being sensible and responsible means abortion or adoption, so be it, and if it means dumping an abusive or improvident partner and becoming a single parent, so be that, too.
Absolutely people should be married before they have kids. I know that I'm in the minority on this thread, but that's what I believe. If a couple is ready to sleep together and have children, then they should get married.
I do not believe in pre-marital sex, and my wife doesn't believe in post-marital sex
it is difficult to have an unwanted pregnancy. if given a choice, everyone must consider getting married first before getting pregnant. but not everybody believes in marriage. even so, a pregnancy always has to be considered a blessing.
To me it matters whether you are able to care for the child that you are bringing to this world. Whether you are married or not probably shouldn't matter as much as if you are financially fit to have a child, emotionally ready to be a parent and mature enough. Personally, I believe it is easier to care for children if there are two parents involved but life is life...
It's completely ignorant of anyone to correlate pregnancy with marriage.
The two are not mutually exclusive to any individual who actually understand their own life. To all others, your religious indoctrination is showing.
As home girl said, in an ideal world.....
Marriage, pregnancy, family..
But, once the pregnancy precedes marriage, it's a little difficult to change the order.
It's kinda too late.
Love is the key, from all parties concerned...
I read somewhere that the one most important thing a woman can do to ensure she doesn't slip into poverty is to not have a child alone. Statistics speak volumes on this subject.
A woman is perfectly capable of raising a child and I see no social stigma attached to unwed pregnancy, but I would hope she would wait until educated.
Pregnancies before marriage are so common today it is not considered a bad thing. So if you are, you have the child and begin being an adult and raising your family, whether or not you are married, or still with the Father.
I had 3 children and chose not to be married. Its a choice and will always be a choice and who is anyone to say its right or wrong...
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