When you first know you love someone which comes first respect, trust or the lov

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   Diane Woodsonposted 12 years ago

   When you first know you love someone which comes first respect, trust or the love you have for them?
   
   Or, does anything else in your heart come first that will cause the relationship to grow, besides loving them? Since love is abiding and strong like the tree I have pictured, Lets give our heartfelt answers that will help another who may be struggling with a relationship and need this! Endurance is my main objective.
   
   

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   Marseiposted 12 years ago

   Well, Diane, you've come up with a question the answer to which holds a lot of
   happiness for a lot of people.  Since you mentioned endurance, let me say that I've been married to the same crazy man for 46 years.  When someone asks me how we've lasted so long, here's what I say:  We talk.  We communicate, every day in every way possible.  If he does something that irritates the crap out of me, I tell him and vice versa.  If he does something at a social event that I think is kind and shows what a good person he can be, I tell him and vice versa.  If I am worried about money, our children, our grandchildren, our insurance, our front lawn, our back lawn, I tell him and vice versa.
   
   When the talking stops, the relationship starts to unravel.  I have a friend who used to tell me she and her husband hadn't spoken for a week.  Number one, how childish is that?  Number two, I'm sure it's one reason they're divorced now.
   
   If Joe seems tired, irritable or angry, I keep on until I figure out why.  I need to know.  He is the same with me.  We are determined to make this journey together a good one. 
   
   So talk and talk some more.  If you're married to someone who won't talk, talk to them anyway.  Exchange funny emails, call each other during the day, talk before you go to sleep at night and when you wake up.  COMMUNICATION is the answer to the question, I believe.   And in addition, don't hold grudges.  Number one, realize that you're acting like a 3-year-old if the other person has apologized.  Get over it.  How important is the fact that your spouse disclosed something you didn't want disclosed, looked at another woman's butt, belched in public, or ate or drank too much at a party in the big scheme of things?  Let it go, let it go, let it go, like water under the bridge.  Talk to each other and forgive each other and get on with the happiness of being together and having fun.  Life is very short.  Figure out what matters before you're too old to remember!!!

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      Diane Woodsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I am so glad you like my subject. Its happiness that causes me to appreciate all the ways in which I am blessed to live the dream, as people like to express nowadaysI am so glad to be writing on Hubpages. Your suggestions are well thought out!

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   MargaritaEdenposted 12 years ago

   For me, trust comes first, then respect and later love.

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      Diane Woodsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Wonderful grounded and a nice basis for happiness, thanks Margarita Eden for commenting!!

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   crazymom3posted 12 years ago

   I SAY LOVE...BLINDING, TRUSTING, CRAZY LOVE WHICH DRIVES YOU TO DO EVERYTHING EVEN RESPECT --WETHER DESERVED OR NOT...LOVE     however, it will not endure if not properly nourished and protected

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      Diane Woodsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I like your comment too.

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   crazymom3posted 12 years ago

   This hub is about two different kinds of love, spontaneous, hot,love at first sight and enduring love which lasts through the trials of life and test of time. read more

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      Diane Woodsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you!! for including me in this and I am about to click and read it, you are a dear!

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   cat on a soapboxposted 12 years ago

   When my heart rate settled and my brain calmed down, I found that trust came first. I  suppose this is why a broken relationship was so hurtful. I've been happily married for years now.

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   tsmogposted 12 years ago

   Love is a funny thing. I don't believe in falling in love, anymore. Yet, that is  not what  you asked. Today, I use C.S. Lewis treatise The Four Loves as a guide to keep me out of trouble sort to speak with love and the conditions of or around love.
   
   I freak out male counterparts when I say I love you then explain that friendship is 'love.' There have been those I have dated that I was very affectionate of, another of those love(s) discussed within that book. Yet, I had not the feeling of eros or another form of love. Charity being the 4th of these is the greatest challenge I run into.
   
   I guess I would say that I would like if anything to have all four of those aspects of love to be present with that special lady. I definitely have to be affectionate of her, yet not necessarily for her. Friendship would in my view be the foundation. Eros, I can think of some passages from Lady Chatterley's Lover that would explain it better than I ever could. And, charity to me means having an encompassing willingness to understand. The will to understand is as important as the act of understanding, in my humble view.

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   Debbie Dallasposted 12 years ago

   HA!! I really DON'T remember...Love? What's that?
   Respect, then Love-- ahh I have major issues w/ trust!  So that NEVER comes in hence, my entire problem!!

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   roselinsojanposted 9 years ago

   When we are in love ,love respect and trust come sudden to our heart If it is a man or a women.I feel so what about you friends?

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