To smack or not to smack your kids??

1. 57

   andromidaposted 15 years ago

   Depends on how much really you love and care for your kids. Of course every one is not mentally capable of smacking kids.But its better to find an alternate way to correct your kids-the power of love.

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2. 80

   Polly Cposted 15 years ago

   Well, just for the record, I don't smack my kids.  However, not smacking does not have to mean there is no discipline at all.  One of my children is very young, but with my older son the thing that works best is banning him from the computer for a day or two. There is a warning first, to give him a chance to rectify his behaviour, then that it what happens and he really hates it. However, next time he knows that I mean it and thinks twice before continuing. And by the way he is the kind of child that does like to push the boundaries.
   
   Thinking about some of the posts which mention not smacking leading to delinquent behaviour, I have noticed that my son is more respectful in the school holidays. I don't know exactly why this is - it could be to do with peers, of course, though none of his friends are badly behaved and he sees them in the holidays anyway. Iwas thinking that maybe it was more to do with the fact that he is spending more quality time with me. We go out more, do things together and have more time to chat. After all, isn't attention from their parents the thing that kids crave most?

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      Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Polly C, I think that's it.  Kids who get plenty of nice attention from parents are happy, entertained, and more likely to want to please them.  It can be time with one child alone or time with two or three of them (but pleasant time spent as "happy group together").    I don't really think kids who get enough time with parents crave their attention.  Whether they crave it or not, though, it's one of the best ways to have well behaved kids.

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3. 0

   dnrkrishnan25posted 15 years ago

   no...

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4. 61

   Glenn S.posted 15 years ago

   My father whipped me with a belt every day while I was in first grade. I never did find out why.
   Never hit your kids for any reason.

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5. 60

   brandyBachmannposted 15 years ago

   I believe that discipline is not about punishment rather it's about teaching your children how to act properly and appropriately. Spanking is counter-productive because it teaches your kids that applying physical pain to another person is the most effective method to change a certain negative behavior.

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   1. 68

      alternate poetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      You are confusing discipline and punishment with violence. 
      
      I have no time for violent punishment myself but the idea that punishment is violence is counter-productive to any discussion.  YOU punish your kids, by sitting them down for long periods of time while you explain at boring length what they have done wrong - or just give them a sharp look.  It is all punishment.

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6. 60

   TLMinutposted 15 years ago

   What about the difference in children? My first was so compassionate and well-behaved, loving, no trouble anywhere he went. My second was mean from way too young an age and astonished me. Deliberately mean. Pain was all he understood until he got older. YES, I spanked him. YES, it saved his brothers' lives and his own. And yes, they're both normal and wonderful adults now that don't ever attack anyone or believe 'violence is the answer to conflict'.
   
   BLANKET STATEMENTS DO NOT APPLY TO PEOPLE
   
   Spanking is not always evil and violently abusive treatment.
   Gentle guidance and respect is not always wimping out.
   
   Truly, we are all different! We need different things.

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   1. 68

      premierkjposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed! Bringing up kids is not an exact science.

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7. 86

   rebekahELLEposted 15 years ago

   oh my... so a four year old can't be taught respect?  sorry, I disagree so much with that statement. discipline means instruction. like the word disciple? a pupil.
   a four year old will give you what you expect from him. they are much smarter than you think. children need respect as much as adults.
   I have a hub or two on the subject.

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8. 59

   susanlangposted 15 years ago

   I'm standing by my statement. No hitting children is the only way to go!

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9. 72

   Beth100posted 15 years ago

   NO HITTING!  It's abusive -- physically, emotionally and mentally. 
   
   BTW, April is Child Abuse Awareness Month....  one smack can lead to a hit to more hitting.  It only takes one time to believe it's okay to hurt another person and have it continue.  That's how the cycle begins.
   
   NO HITTING!!

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   1. 59

      susanlangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Amen to that Beth100, I'm all about what you said!

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      1. 72

         Beth100posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         This is the only solution to stop abuse.
         
         As for those who use the "kids need discipline" reason, discipline begins as soon as they are born.  Discipline is educating the child to understand that there are limits as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not acceptable.  A baby can be taught to understand that biting is not acceptable by body language, sign language and verbal language.  There are many ways to effectively communicate what is right, wrong, acceptable, unacceptable and tolerable.
         
         Think about a pet that you've had since it was born.  For example, a six week old puppy.  That puppy learned from its mother to not soil its sleeping area by the time it was a couple of days old.  The mother NEVER HIT her pup, she taught through example, consistency and expectation.  If a dog can teach her pups right and wrong without hitting, then why can't an intelligent human do the same?

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10. 67

    Rod Marsdenposted 15 years ago

    Kids need discipline. There are children who feel neglected and lost because they have not been shown the boundaries of their world in a way they can understand such boundaries.
    
    An example would be a two year old kid I saw recently screaming her lungs out in one of those wire carts in the middle of a supermarket. She was facing a person I took to be her mother  and she was looking her mother in the eye as she did so. The woman did nothing to stop her. A simple smack bottom would have told the child that her behavior was not proper and not appreciated. Boundaries would have been set and the child would not have been the worse for wear. The mother may not have spanked the child for fear of the law against doing so or she might have had her own beliefs that even a simple smack bottom is wrong. Even so that child still probably thinks it is okay to yell your lungs out in a supermarket.
    
    Kids who muck up on trains and at school know that the adults in authority can do little to curb their bad behavior. Hence you end up with a lot of crime perpetrated by youngsters who, because they have never been pressured into towing the line, are illiterate and thuggish in their ways going into adulthood as illiterate and thuggish. I see this sort of thing every day.
    
    No hitting is idealistic. There is smack bottom and there is abuse. If smack bottom is the only way the child will understand that they have done wrong and the parent doesn't want to do it then it isn't abuse.

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    1. 80

       Polly Cposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       So a two year old was screaming in a supermarket? Big deal. Two year olds have lots of feelings they do not yet have the language skills to express. It's called the terrible twos, and just a part of normal development. It does not mean the child is going to grow up screaming its head off in public when it is older.
       
       When my two year old does this, after I initially try to find out whats wrong, I don't take any notice. Ignoring him means that he is not getting any attention for having a tantrum, which means that he is more likely to stop. What is the real issue here? A very young childs behaviour or the annoyance of the other shoppers? BTW, he doesn't do this often, hardly ever in fact.
       
       I would never judge a mother because she has a screaming toddler, young children do this all the time and it is all about discovering their independence.

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    2. 86

       rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I think when a young child/toddler is screaming his lungs out in a grocery cart there could be a few issues, the kid might be tired missing nap time, hungry, skin may be pinched from the wire cart, just picked up from day care and he wants love/attention.
       a kid screaming wants to be heard. maybe that's the only way this toddler feels he/she can be given attention. some parents only give their child attention when they are doing something wrong.
       
       my sons certainly weren't perfect growing up, but I don't ever recall either of them screaming in the grocery cart. I don't see that a smack would correct the problem.

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       1. 67

          Rod Marsdenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          From my own observations there was nothing I could see wrong with the kid. She was just testing the mother to see what she could get away with.
          
          No. An undisciplined child may not grow up screaming at anything and everything. Such actions will surely become tiresome after a while.
          
          Instead they will turn to petty theft and or creating graffiti on trains and buildings. Again no real discipline if they are caught. Again the feeling they have gotten away with something. Next comes slashing of train and possibly bus seats. All because they didn't get the care, attention and discipline they needed when they were young.
          
          As for education...forget it! They are not likely to do well in school as they will have no attention span.

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11. 71

    Ralph Deedsposted 15 years ago

    An EXTREME CASE
    
    http://www.freep.com/article/20100415/N … ories_noon
    
    Authorities say a 4-year-old Genesee County boy was beaten to death after he urinated on himself while sitting on a couch.
    
    Brandon Hayes, the boyfriend of the boy's mother, has been charged with felony murder, child abuse and other crimes. He was arraigned today.
    
    Dominick Calhoun was taken off life support Monday, a day after relatives found him on the floor of an apartment in Argentine Township.

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       susanlangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       wow, everytime I hear another horror story like that Ralph, I just don't want anyone to bother me for an hour or so until I say some prayers alone.

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    2. 86

       rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       that is terrible beyond words sad.
       
       once an enraged parent starts hitting, it can escalate to this point. it's easy to lose control if angry.

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       1. 59

          susanlangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          ok..I prayed about it and hope all child beater's get real help soon! My rule will always be no hitting children is allowed.

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          1. 59

             logic,commonsenseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             When it comes to people that abuse children, sexually or physically, my rule is-take Them off life support...permanently!

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12. 68

    alternate poetposted 15 years ago

    Of course everyone is against child beating, even the people who do it are often against it!
    
    Talking with horror stories and trying to legislate exactly how much and what kind of slap is useless agains the actuallity of 'child beating' and the closely related, but not the same, issues of 'child abuse'.
    
    Violence to children is a symptom of the general society, the more widespread the problems there are - the more problems there are in that society.  When people debate politics they should keep in mind that the streses and inconsistencies and straight forward lack of humanity are the causes of all these problems in the first place.  Uncaring behaviour comes from the uncaring nature of the society around it.

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    1. 67

       Rod Marsdenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Sure I agree about the uncaring nature of society. So what is uncaring? If a child wishes to belong to a gang or express themselves graffiti seems to be the way to go. They don't even have to know how to spell. What is the effect on the general public? Having your train carriage polluted with ugly scrawls and the horrid smell of drying spray paint does not make your day. Who wants to put up with it on the way to work or on the way home? If the kids do get caught nothing much happens to them in court. If they are part of a gang they have already been told they will get off with a warning the first few times. They probably won't even do community service. And all this time trains are made more and more ugly and the same can be said for buildings public and otherwise. Talk about lost humanity. There it is.
       
       Violence against children is wrong. Discipline is sometimes all that stands between society and urban chaos.

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13. 0

    cosetteposted 15 years ago

    Franya, for the purposes of your paper, you might discuss that many parents believe two things:
    
    fear = respect
    hitting = discipline
    
    both are erroneous. children can respect their parents without fearing them. there are many ways to discipline and teach your children that don't involve physical force.
    
    some parents think they are good parents because they 'just yell at their kids' and don't hit them. this is also wrong. would WE want to be around someone who we were afraid of, or who yelled at us all the time? of course not.
    
    good luck.

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    1. 67

       Rod Marsdenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Nothing here has been said about setting boundaries and how you would go about doing it. Some kids especially the sons of football players will not respond to anything too soft.

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14. 61

    saltposted 15 years ago

    NO, I dont believe in smacking. A politicians wife when pregnant said she did. Being a lawyer, I assumed she had a greater knowledge of life than me and in a personal situation where someone was saying all sorts of things to me I lightly tapped their chin. I regret that, partly because I got hit very hard back. Being told that his ex wife had hit him like that...
    
    I was hit as a child and dont like physical punishment. I think teaching a child to see that you can solve things without violence is the most contructive form of discipline. I also know from my father, a social worker with a bit of psychology, that he usually hit us when he was angry. It was not a punishment that came with a clear head.
    
    When he had left home after numerous affairs, he was at my brothers 21st and my mother and brother had been talking saying that they didnt want him there. Late in the evening, I had gone into the kitchen and he had followed me in an angry manner, I had been avoiding him and he was telling me I had not been helping my mother... I tried to leave the kitchen and he punched me across the kitchen floor. My brothers friend gave him money for a taxi to leave and my mother chased after him, angry at me for having been hit.
    
    Im lucky though, someone I knew when I was little ended up in prostitution at 14 and addicted to heroine. Sometimes things arent too good, but you are not the one who has had the worst experience.
    
    I am upset that I never had an apology for being hit. Somehow, my fathers affairs were my fault. Somehow, every bad decision they made was my fault.
    
    I dont have much time for either of them.

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