When I first joined Hubpages I used to get quite badly affected by rude or angry comments from people. I even stayed away from it for a few months because I found it a negative experience. Now I feel quite immune to some of the frankly ridiculous remarks some people make and even find myself throwing a few of my own around. Does anyone else find arguments on forums really getting under their skin? Are there people here who feel they are being bullied at times?
Personally, I do not.
But I have witnessed what I would consider disrespectful comments in a few forums and I can see how some would be hurt or offended.
I admit that recently I have been a tad irritated by the large number of arguments in the forums. I think sometimes it's best just to stay out of some things and give the poster a chance to get the feedback he or she was actually looking for.
For instance, I'm a Believer in God. When I see a question or forum topic posted that asks something like, "What led you to become an atheiest?" Well, I don't comment at all.It would be disrespectful (in my opinion) to leave a comment trying to convert someone to my own beliefs. The question was not relevant to me so I respectfully decline to comment.
However, If a question or topic was posted along the lines of "Why or Why don't you believe in a God?" Then I see this as an opportunity to share my PERSONAL testimony and I am likely to leave my comment. I would expect to see some debating in the forum when the question is posed this way.
I think healthy debate is okay. We just may learn something. But unfortunately 'arguing' does happen more often than not.
If someone attacks another saying they are fat, ugly and stupid, then it would make sense that some might be offended and hurt. Those kind of comments though show more about the person making them than anything else so it's easy to laugh at them or just move on.
People have differences of opinion and will challenge each other based on those differences. I don't see it as personal in any way. I also think it can be difficult when communicating in writing only and with relatively short posts. The posts themselves can sound short, if you know what I mean, even though not intentionally. I've only been offended once by another hubber, I say hubber, but it was someone who had recently joined made a few forum posts and attacked a number of people. On recollection I think they said I was lazy, should get a job, had no social skills and probably lay in bed until lunchtime. That kind of thing.
Perhaps schools should introduce a new subject to deal with Online etiquette.
It seems too many people lack that, especially on the religion forum.
It does not bother me. I see a lot of the people being rude and disrespectful, especially in the political arena. However, it is never hurtful. I know some people mean for it to be hurtful but mostly it is laughable.
Lizzyboo, yes hubbers hurt one another in the forums, i have notice that for a long time, There is one of my post that generated so much abusive argument.
I was not very please with the way the argument was going because it was way out of the context of the hub.
Hi LizzieBoo, it's apparent that this has saddened you, and rightly so as one would expect more civility on forums. However, as a long time member of various forums across the Internet I can only tell you that people generally love to hide behind their keyboard and think of it as a license to lash out. The Internet is vast and allows us to make the world a smaller place by interconnecting everyone. The Internet also exposes people to other cultures and sometimes, especially in print, the written word just doesn’t translate well. You may say one thing, but they take it the wrong way, or vice versa.
Many a moon ago when I first started joining and posting on forums I (naively) thought that people just wanted to learn the truth about this or that topic. Boy was I wrong. I learned the hard way that most people really don’t care about the truth, and no matter how many facts you present to them, they will only dig in deeper. In the end you generally just waste your time trying have a conversation with them. Getting down in the mud isn’t the answer. All I can say is please try not to let it effect you. Don’t let them spoil your sweetness. I just try to remember the saying that “you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.” I thought these forums would be different and everyone would be trying to help each other, but I guess not. Some threads are still fun to read though
i m confused just what to do first , as i just sign up here today , things are little hard for me , i think people have their right to criticise but not to offend others .
You have to try and take it lightly. People behave differently online to how they would face to face. I don't think that certain people realise how agressive they're being when they argue. It can be upsetting at first.
Do not worry and do not feel confused. Join the religious forums. You will enjoy the gentle banter of the atheist and Christian fundamentalist debates. You will soon feel at home.
I think holding a strong opinion often offends some people. The best advice would be remember the old scatological admonition that opinions are like anuses.
There are those who seek to be offended. If you hold an opinion different from theirs they will be offended. I say offend away. You cannot change anyone's mind. Just as a therapist cannot mend someone's mind or emotions. All change is internal change. Know what is right. Say what is right and prepare to defend it.
It requires adult pants, so pull them up and cinch them tight.
I'm offended by anyone that has made a definite choice to only recognize views based upon mainstream media or ideological bent.
I don't read them very often, and don't share they're work for any reason. Offended....it's more sadness for the divisions created by the corporations and the community of ideologues than anything else.
Some do, but won't admit it. Some people have thin skin, and if things get to heated against them, aren't afraid to get you banned. Granted, I can be a bit in-yo-face, but it's not like I can reach thru the screen and slap ya. I tend to call a spade a spade (No racial connotation intended) and some don't like want to know how transparent they are. I'm going to try to keep the tone down, and maybe I'll continue on hubpages.
thanks for ur advice but i guess if the hubbers is fully aware of what he is saying than he/she can convince others too , i m too young here ( hubpages) maybe i need to see things before arguing .
its unfortunate to see people disrespect other religions, i always feel that to have faith in God is a personally act , and one must not enforce his opinion to others , my believe on God is different from my father point of view , so does the people around us , i m not scared if writing , its an art that should be share more and more ..
I got hurt once, when a lady who knew my mother is dead, said something nasty about her. I was very close with my mother, I still love her so much and, she would do anything for anyone, even if she had to do without.
That is just plain hateful. Remember, it is a reflection upon them not you. Truly nasty and hateful things - not just the things some wish to label hateful - reveal a part of the distributor that is loathsome to them. We often despise in others the things we fear, ignore or see in ourselves.
I'm with whoever first said "Just spell my name right".
Actually, I kind of miss the old Usenet alt. newsgroups where insults could really reach poetic heights - or depths, depending on your viewpoint.
But moderation has its benefits too..
I generally get offended when people take things I say out of context, or when multiple hubbers gang up on me for merely stating a harmless opinion. Like when I said the films, "The Matrix Reloaded" and "Matrix Revolutions", both sucked, and weren't that good. Not only did someone have the audacity to yell and talk down to me for merely disliking the same damn film they liked, but they had the nerve to ask another hubber permission argue with me, without even bothering to ask if I wanted to partake in such an idiotic discussion. Normally, I try to remain respectful of others opinions; which is why it angers me when others severely don't respect mine, yet I'm supposed to honor theirs. Talk about a double standard...
It's tough when that happens. Although I've noticed that are many people who just follow threads without making comments. I know this because people have followed me after doing that but don't want to be in an argument. Sometimes you have silent supporters.
I'm relatively new to HP and tend to stay away from many forum discussions because of the negative tone. I'm not here to criticize anyone nor am I here to get criticized. I write quite a bit on another site that has a very positive forum, and even when people disagree about an issue, there is always an element of respect. One of the reasons I still come to the HP forums is because I would like to get to know some of the HP writers.
I really got offended once, but a wise hubber (ahem, Stevennix) told me to shake it off and not take it personally. Ever since then, I haven't taken anything personal, but even more importantly I state my opinions, follow up with some facts and never attack anyone's else's opinions.
It's OK to disagree and that's what makes the world such a wonderful place.
I don't know about being "hurt," but I used to get quite angry at several trolls that infested the forums a couple of years ago. (TK Sensai??)
I think people can be to serious at times. I have my own beliefs but I do not have an agenda. Some hubs are frankly way out their and they missed a few college English classes in creating the story like research and etc. They seem more like posted comments hoping for a refuted response. I would love to write some comedy but wonder how well it would go over on these hubs. Honestly, its way to serious on here.
The forums, especially religion and politics, are what I call "Character Building." All personality traits visit. If it pushes your buttons it's a great opportunity to breathe deeply, feel the feelings and respond if you dare. Over time the reactions lessen and you learn to interact and have your two bobs worth. It's cheap therapy.
I've been annoyed a few times, but never hurt. There's a fairly specific and limited set of comments that could genuinely hurt my feelings and most people I interact with online don't know me well enough to know what they are.
No one on here knows me - at all - in any way. I do not hide behind my anonymity but it is as I told someone at work who wanted to bait me, "You don't matter enough to me to care about your opinion. I can think of only four people whose opinions of me matter and you aren't one of them."
I find it interesting to battle ideas or opinions with which one differs. It sharpens the sword.
I have been made angry by certain comments on forum threads....hurt, maybe a little on a few some time back. Now I tend to take the attitude (rightly or wrongly), that if I find the comment rude, offensive, aggressive, hurtful etc, then I should ignore it and walk away, pity the person who wrote it and get on with my next hub, post or activity, safely knowing I am the better person in terms of my treatment of others.
When I first joined HP, the forums scared the living crap outta me, and I didnt come back for a few months (even to write a hub)but pleased to say I survived the school of hard knocks
S'pose I had this naive thinking that a writing site would be full of intellectuals, lol , yea naive like I said.
I have met more good rational people, than not and I guess I grew thicker skin
I have always found the forums funny, to see grown adults so often acting like school kids over something often petty is ridiculous! You get one group trying to see if they can pee higher up the wall of the bicycle shed than the other group and if that does not work everyone starts name calling until someone cries and goes to tell teacher! Teacher arrives and puts the wrong kids in detention!
If people have ingrained opposing views you can't change them!! Get on with your lives the way you want to live them and stop trying to force others to be like you - it does not work!! I don't care what others do as long as it does not impact my life or my children's. You can believe in god or not believe, want to be Muslim or Christian, Firefox user or IE User, blue eyes or Brown - it makes no difference to me and affects me in no way at all!!!!
Or do we go to war like in Gulliver's travels over which side of your boiled egg to crack first at breakfast?
oH come on lizzie .. there are sum kewl people like me on this earth too
I enjoy hearing different points of view so the forums are a place I check on occasionally. I'll read the exchange of ideas until somebody starts name-calling, using all caps and exclamation points. Then they lose this audience. I've wondered if you can flag writers in forums who get down right ugly. Anybody know?
I think we can't shut up others unless we have all the answers , We are only scared when we can't fight .
There is a difference between a personal attack and discussing different viewpoints. HubPages is so large that you will constantly run across people who believe differently than yourself. If the arguing is done respectfully than I believe it can generate more positive attention for all involved.
I agree, lizzieboo that people behave differently online then they would in a face to face conversation so I take certain comments with a grain of salt for just that reason. If I can tell that the person is making a comment just to provoke me or someone else then I find that the best policy is just to ignore them or address the issue without playing the "one up" game.
It's distressing though when people get offended or emotionally invested in an argument to the point where it gets out of hand. I'm pretty straightforward about things so I know I've probably offended some sensitive people, although it hasn't been intentionally. In my opinion there's nothing anyone can say on a forum that's really worth getting that upset about.
I know that this is an Open Forum for all opinions and arguments and we have that right to vent or explain. However - I was recently offended by the person who recently posed the Forum Question regarding Abortion. She wrote in-depth of her personal sex life and what she does with her boyfriend so as to not conceive. Personally I thought it didn't belong in the discussion and made me see her as a cold person and I dropped out of the Forum. I had that choice to leave but I didn't need to learn all that.
Wow! TMI. I think it's perfectly fine to complain when people offend in that way. I complained, only once, when a woman tried to make her point on feminism to a man by posting a photo of a woman with disfigured breasts. I thought that was crossing the line.
I don’t get bent. It is a symptom of what I call “Forum Frog Neurosis”.
The sufferer of a neurosis projects emotions, motives, and even actions onto others. They can be suppressed emotions of the sufferer, or similar behaviors (opinions, dress, avatar, etc.) to those of the original perpetrator or cause of their discomfort from long ago. A neurotic always has an “object of displacement” (spouse, government, animals, etc.) for the actual cause of their anguish from their extremely traumatic experience(s). The sufferer may not even remember the person or events that caused their discomfort. They associate their problem with someone or something in the present. The harm is meant for the "bad guy" in the past or the guilty "self". It is misplaced. It is being unleashed in the present on the "object of displacement".
See, a neurotic will expend a tremendous amount of energy to relieve themselves of their excruciating symptoms. One is self-loathing. Maybe the sufferer constantly moves or changes jobs. Perhaps they are adversarial with the “object of displacement”. It is no use. The initial cause of the trauma may have been external, but now the source is internal. The energy is always directed at an external source, and meant to be harmful. The energy is not just wasted, it exasperates the problem
On a forum, they will launch attacks on their object of displacement (first time users - old adversaries) from a safe position. Neurotics "recruit allies" to reinforce their efforts, and, so they won't be completely isolated.
The forum frog projects from their own disorder on to the new arrival to the forum. The newcomer to the forum is a pleasant person with an open mind and good intent. The Forum Frog neurosis will compel the sufferer to attack the stranger, insult them for their beliefs, make accusations of ignorance, etc.
The stranger may be of the Baha'i faith and never respond with a cross word. The forum Frog may intensify their attack as if the Baha'i is being belligerent, “Only an infantile, brainwashed fool would believe such a hideous, imbecilic lie. You are obviously lacking in higher education.”
The newcomer has an MBA from Harvard, MS from MIT, and a PHD from Cal Berkley.
The Forum Frog may say, "Go ahead, burn in your anger and frustration that I have caused you with my irrefutable arguments against you."
The Baha'i is cool calm and collected, and wondering what may be done to help the Forum Frog overcome their anguish. The Forum Frog is projecting an anticipated reaction onto the Baha'i, who is in not even close to responding with negative emotion.
It is probably best to ignore forum frogs. Any response at all is reinforcing to the deviant behavior.
Frog Gigging is Child's Play
I don't get into arguments on some of the controversial posts.
There were times when I felt disrespected and annoyed by others,but in general the posters haven't hurt me.
The cruelties of Hubpage forum users leave me crippled emotionally, gasping for my last shreds of sanity as I vocally voice my feelings of abuse and abandonment in a loud keening cry. Occasionally I curl up beneath my refrigerator to sob among the dust bunnies and leaking Freon. No tissue can quell the river of anguish that pours from soul into great oceans of despair.
And yet, other than a few dust bunnies, you appear to be unscathed..
Leaking Freon will cheer you up in a hurry!
I hate the cowardly sideways attacks, like "Anyone who says that is a moron"...after you've just said something.
Or, "my mother always said people who say this are stupid fools"...after you've just made a comment.
Attacking, but doing it so you don't get banned. Or getting someone banned, and then attacking them!
Cowards, that's what I hate.
I got hurt once, I was so bored I fell a sleep and hit my head on the key board.
Offended, no, but sometimes I get convicted when another hubber manages to highlight a personal fault, knowingly or not!
The worse thing is when I have lost the plot and been drawn into some childish game of tit for tat with other hubbers, that hurts when I realise I have sunk to their level!
I second that experience!
I hope I learned a thing or two, and don't fall for it any more!
I end up haranguing the people who are ritually cruel towards religious people.
I harangue the harangeurs. I feel bad when I see quite innocent people be ripped to shreds, so I jump in. It's easy to get carried away and make a fool of yourself. I'm very silly sometimes.
I have a firm belief that I have the right to be very sensitive to others' critical comments and I do believe that those who easily feel hurt on my negative comments are immature and childish!
When I first came to the forums to share, I received some hateful and rude comments to some of my more spiritual responses. Not only were the statements mean, but with a ridicule tone, sneering and demeaning. I was more than shocked that so many would take such a hostile attitude toward a spiritual statement/belief. I wasn't using the forum to evangelize or convert, just sharing with others of the same spirituality and releasing what was in my heart.
What further surprised me, was that this attitude was directed solely towards the Christian faith. I looked to find bashing of other religions, but found it mainly directed toward the Christian faith. Especially to those who are very bold in their statements.
Why would highly intelligent and educated people stoop to the Jr. High School mentality of "making fun of others" for their belief? Isn't this attitude exactly what they were accusing the spiritual/Christians of spouting? I couldn't understand it. I let it bother me and hurt my feelings. When I was boldly told by one contributor "....You disgust me with your blah blah blah..", I made a decision not to respond. It would only fuel the arrogance and open the door to a bouncing back and forth of useless words. I did, however, respond in the positive to some statements, not addressing the irrationality of the attack, but staying within my boundary.
So you see, we have a choice. Respond to attacks with anger and argue to feed fuel to the arrogance; or we can sit back and ignore the source of the attack.
Obviously positive responses generate good feelings and negative responses generate bad ones, but no one on HupPages has any real power to hurt my feelings or anyone else's for that matter, unless of course we let them. I don't "hang out" in any hubber cliques and I don't get super friendly with other hubbers as I see many here do, so I have no emotional investment. If someone is rude or insulting, it takes just one click of my mouse and less than a second for HubPages and anything bad that might be said to disappear from my monitor and my world, leaving me free to go outside and enjoy the rest of my day.
Well I stomped on someone's raw nerve today despite believing that they were better armored. It happens when you play with the big kids on the play ground.
So who bans people, the big kids or the babies?
Another question about which I do not care.
Were you recently banned? Not sure how the question is germane.
Because I'm tired of those of your persuasion always insinuating that democrats are not freedom-loving people and want to control your lives and can't let people be free.....and I as a person of my persuasion am constantly being shut down.
So--if you want to claim that dems are big babies who can't take the playground....I am telling you from my pov..it is quite the opposite. So stop the canard!
democrat is a very different word than Democrat. But, seems like that nerve is awfully close to the surface. I find it interesting when Democrats say they are freedom loving while transferring more power and more wealthy to a distant, vast, inefficient laviathan.
It is OUR Leviathan and it isn't distant at all.
I'm gonna change my answer from a joke-y one to a serious one.
I do not get hurt on forums-- I get disgusted and tired. So much vitriol and unnecessary nastiness on these forums. I'm going to be the teenager I am for a moment say "Like for real?" Is it even really necessary? Don't people get tired of being snarky and faux-witty toward strangers after a while? Does it make you feel good to make a cruel or degrading comment? Are you THAT insecure?
Good gravy, it's like high school sometimes in here.
I'm not a hippie by any means, but civility, people! WHERE IS THE LOVE?
When they hit you where it hurts, you will find out.
Yeah... I'm sure I'll turn out to be a flaming hypocrite by the end of the month.
No, but your life experiences cannot be ignored when you argue about politics. All politics is local and everything is politics.
So--I'll wait til something you care deeply about is tossed around like a rag doll, and see how it affects you.
Maybe it won't. But then we are all different people, and as for me--I'm Lithuanian. Passion is in my blood.
That does not make you superior to me. Nor me to you. Just different.
Some people do. Others do not. It depends upon the individual person and how likely the person is to take things personally. There are some posts where the poster swears at you, etc. Other times, it is a matter of interpretation what was meant, and everyone will read the posts differently. I had a situation where I was frustrated with the thread moving away from my intention and someone else called me rude and trying to make myself out to be a victim. I ignored that comment. Later the person kept making similar statements and I blocked her from everything on my home page.
But another person took something I said that was much less than that and really lost it by writing about it. I did too. As a result, both of us have stopped following each other.
by G. Diane Nelson Trotter 5 years ago
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