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How Does it Feel to Be in a Relationship with a couple Who is Years Older -- The Age Gap Dilemma

Updated on September 22, 2012

Age gap in a relationship feels like that salt we have handy for our own meals. You measure up how much you are going to need, and then, it will be up to you... how much you can actually handle... or mishandle.

The Gap

If they ever ask what's the secret of couples who's age gap easily surpassed those 20 years difference, for keeping the flame alive? Here is the answer:

Both met at one moment in their lives, where there was a mutual attraction from the start. You might say, 'Yeah, but real life is not like this!!'

Depending on your background and sex appeal, and genes as well, the attraction was born immediately. We are going to enumerate his reasons against hers. You might be somewhere in between, and probably might finally understand why some things did happen for a reason.

These are random reasons.

What was her say?
What was his say?
He had her father's ways
Divorced changed his Life Style
She loved his music
He loved her music
She was hurt by her own age gap
He was ready to teach with experience
Levels of Estrogen and Progesterone clicked in
Testosterone clicked in
She fell for his mature ways
He was ready for a younger flame
Activities were alike
Activities were similar
Her Sexuality reached unexpected horizons
Sexually active enough to meet her needs

But, there are enough reasons to break them apart...!

Well, from the beginning, we were supposed to answer with the word, 'depends.'

A relationship depends on both characters in the ballgame. Ever seen how two gears match behind the clutch in your car? They just follow each other teeth at every move, or 'mood.'

Some marriages last around 20 or 25 years, and that surprisingly meets or crashes against Menopause. Either women change and ask for that feared divorce, or that hubby had enough of waiting for that seven year itch, that took over 20 years and counting. "Sorry Sir, here is your ticket for reckless speeding, and not having your seat belted. Have a nice day!"

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria at the Cannes film festival
Tony Parker and Eva Longoria at the Cannes film festival | Source

So, why Mary, who is 23, cannot stand Robert, who is 47

The word 'depends' comes into mind again. They met one night and there was that 'shooting star' like instant attraction as in our first case. But this time things were not right. Depending also on the Country an environment, Couples will settle at a very different age gap. Here are some reasons of why this wasn't meant to be: Off the record, I wrote this thoughts myself, and I think I did hit some nerves.

Mary's say
Robert's say
He doesn't like my rap music
She hates my Beach Boys 8 tracks
He cannot keep up with me
Well, she is right
He looks like dad, who I cannot stand
She was a night stand for sure
He is not like my ex
She complains with no reason
He dresses like a P.H.D. nerd
She is too slutty to meet my parents
Anyways, I don't want to babysit later on
She is too flirty, and I give up!

You are now certain for sure, perhaps, however, most likely, if you can relate to both examples. It really depends on both of you, and how you came into that relationship. Some may say, "Well, I knew it all along. I just wanted to improve my status" Or other's would say: "I wanted to get away from my own family," and so on...!

Marriage is not for everyone. Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, are fine the way they are. Tina Turner, moved to Germany, so she won't run into another Ike. It really depends if that age gap is going to be in your favor, or against your foreseeable 'future.'

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  • Lord De Cross profile imageAUTHOR

    Joseph De Cross 

    9 years ago from New York

    Thanks Ubani,

    This topic has so many of us trying to figure it out. At the end, love is what really matters.


  • ubanichijioke profile image

    Alexander Thandi Ubani 

    9 years ago from Lagos

    Absolutely sensational piece highlighting such a sensitive yet important issue so discreetly.


    For me, age gap cannot affect a relationship that is meant to thrive. It's all about understanding, feelings & love.

    Great work!

  • Lord De Cross profile imageAUTHOR

    Joseph De Cross 

    9 years ago from New York

    Hi Flickr,

    Happy for you and your wife. She is 7 years your junior. There were slight differences and you did work it out for the sake of love and commintment. Semms that your relationship will last longer..than any others. You cannot blame anyone to fall in love.



    Seems so easy just to mention, that love takes two. But for some reasons it can take more than two, might take the whole society and surroundings for some couples to realise if they going in the right direction. Thanks!

    @Phyllis Doyle,

    Compassion passion and honesty, are good ingredients for a solid relationship. But is not really easy when both came into that union for different reasons. The answer will be the disolution of that bondage. So many stars had separated just in 2011. Some just tell their lawyers to tell the press that irreconciliable differencesd were the cause...but deep inside was more than those cliche words. Thanks my friend.


  • Lord De Cross profile imageAUTHOR

    Joseph De Cross 

    9 years ago from New York

    @Candy V,

    Well, you never know how the relationship is goona last, or where the boat is going to drift. Glad you are least!

    @Debbie Brooks, It is what it is. Sometimes fate makes you bump into men that either are younger or older. You make your final decision. Thanks!

    @Brian Slater, certainly Love is blind. Older women can give us good tips on how to really treat a woman. If there is a chance to date a younger one, you will have the upper hand, LikE Vincent Moore said.

    @Tammy Swallow, So many factors are in consideration, that every individual has to make his/her own mind, at the time to get settle. Your mom lived her time, and there was no much chioce for her. Talking about traveling and have a wider scope of choices. But, you were born of that beautiful relationship, and now you are here commenting on this!

    @A. A. Zavala, Yeah man, you were 23 and your ex was there to help you grow in different areas, and as you see now, you were fulfilled and, who knows, there must be a reason for these age gaps, and the final outcome.

    @Hi Sunnie,

    You found him and you out all your similarities over the table. He was there and heard you, but as you said, took a little longer to connect totally. When there is an age gap, depending of what really want from that relationship, you work your hardest to get it going. Some see this love boat, going btween those treacherous waves of mistrust, that sometimes, when is too late, is hard to fix it.

    @Wow! Vincent, I can see why your writing can captivate the female audience. You have learned a lot from that older woman, and both benefited from it. Thanks man!

  • Phyllis Doyle profile image

    Phyllis Doyle Burns 

    9 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

    Very interesting read. I think the issue of 'age gaps' depends on the individuals involved -- some marriages survive and others do not. If what is in the heart and soul sees beyond the gap in ages then that marriage/relationship will last. What matters the most is what is within each individual, what they feel in their soul. Compassion, passion, and honesty is the basis of all relationships.

  • incomeguru profile image

    Oyewole Folarin 

    9 years ago from Lagos

    Where there is true and unblemished love, age gap doesn't really matter.

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    I believe there is nothing wrong with age gaps. It's only natural to love and be loved. As my wife always tells me you can't help who you fall in love with. She's 7 years my junior and a wonderful women.

  • profile image

    Vincent Moore 

    9 years ago

    Ah the scent of an older woman in my young nostrils. She was 37 and I was but 24. The things I learned from her, I could never have learned on my own. She matured me quickly, gently, lovingly, tenderly and groomed me for the younger woman I eventually married. Yet we remained friends and we both winked as we passed into the good night and a grin appeared on both our faces. Age gaps can be very interesting, I fully endorse it:-))

  • profile image

    Sunnie Day 

    9 years ago

    Good hub lord,

    There is a ten year difference between my spouse and me..Married over 20 years..while it was not always easy..we did have alot in common and still do. Any marriage takes lots of work. I think once the younger spouse gets older things settle down abit and you find a happy medium.

  • A.A. Zavala profile image

    Augustine A Zavala 

    9 years ago from Texas

    I was 23 and my ex-wife was 34 when we got married. Yes, I was a kept man, but it was an intoxicating mix full of passion. I think people meet at times in their lives when they're missing something in their life that is fulfilled by their partner. Age is only a number if both are compatible and they love each other.

  • tammyswallow profile image


    9 years ago from North Carolina

    There are so many factors to consider in such a relationship. There is almost a 20 year difference in my parents. My mom didn't have a need to go out with girlfriends and etc.. and she acted his age so it worked for them. The older I get, I prefer men who are a good bit older than me because they seem to know what they want out of life. Great hub.

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    Older women are for fun when your younger, as for the one I chose to marry, well she's 4 years younger than me. You could say I made the right choice as we're still going strong. However I would never say to anyone, don't marry a much younger or older woman because we are all different and sometimes love is blind.

  • Deborah Brooks profile image

    Deborah Brooks Langford 

    9 years ago from Brownsville,TX

    I always dated men older than me.. or my age. I did date one younger man.. he was fun but it didn't work out.. LOl

    but I love your hub as always my dear.. take care.

    voted up


  • Candie V profile image

    Candie V 

    9 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

    I was with a man 13 yrs younger for a couple of years.. it really worked out well till his drinking got in the way.. So.. if not for that - was great fun. Not sure I wanted to take him home to meet mom and dad tho.. LOL! Thanks for showing us the 'whys and why nots' of age differences!

  • Lord De Cross profile imageAUTHOR

    Joseph De Cross 

    9 years ago from New York

    I hear you Lathing!

    All cases are pretty different. A counselor will ask questions one on one. Seems that you met your match. Glad to hear!


    Barry Rutherford, Omg! Why don't let her read this article and then...let her see, your comment... huh?

    You afe feeling like a 18 yrs old, coming out of High School. Good luck!


    Angela P,

    Like that old adage, from Shakespearean times,it actually takes two, and the rest will fall into gera: Communication, comprehension and trust. Thanks again for being around and commenting.


  • angela p profile image

    angela p 

    9 years ago from Richmond, Virginia

    There is a 17 year difference between my husband and I. He is older. I think we work well together. We have been together 7 years now with 4 children. I think it works well for some and not so well for others. Just you say. Great article.

  • barryrutherford profile image

    Barry Rutherford 

    9 years ago from Queensland Australia

    mmm. I have just met this girl today. There is a thirty years difference between us! I feel the magic. For the first time since mt last "long term relationship" back in 1990. I feel the tingle in my bones...wowa

  • LaThing profile image


    9 years ago from From a World Within, USA

    You explained it every nicely. Some might fit in and some may not. My own experience: first marriage - 17 yrs dif, I married quite young. Didn't last long. This one : less than 1 yrs. difference, 17 years in it, and hope to have many more beautiful years together!

    It is all in what clicks......


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