- Gender and Relationships
Important Things to Remember When Dating
Dating isn’t an easy thing. It can be a lot of fun. But it can also be tough for some people especially during particular phases of their lives. Here are some important things to remember when dating to keep you grounded, aware of your own feelings and happy on your dates.
· Dating is a Journey, not a Destination. Sure, I’ve stolen an old adage here and adapted it to suit my needs but that doesn’t make it any less true. What many people seem to forget about dating is that it is a fun thing to do. It’s not simple a means to an end. Dating doesn’t have to be about finding “the one” and getting the ring and making the happily-ever-after life for yourself. Sure, it could be about that. But if that’s all that you’re after, you’re missing out on an opportunity to completely enjoy all that the process of dating has to offer you.
Yes, dating can be stressful. But it’s increasingly more so if you have only one goal in mind. If you make it a point to just think of going on dates and meeting new people as an enjoyable experience in and of itself, you significantly reduce the stress of the situation. You also open up your mind to having a much better experience. And to steal another saying that holds some truth, love happens when you aren’t looking for it. By putting yourself out there with the mindset that you’re just going to have a good time, you could be setting the stage for meeting those goals anyway.
· Dating Rules are Guidelines that Aren’t Set in Stone. I’ve heard about all of these rules that are out there regarding dating. There is the “wait three days to call rule”, for example, in which the guy is supposed to do the calling but he’s supposed to wait three days before making the call in order to keep the girl interested. Although, in my experience, men don’t actually wait three days. they tell you that they know they are “supposed to” wait three days … which they tell you in a phone call made the night of the date or the following day. Perhaps that’s what the real rule is and I just haven’t been kept up to date.
In any case, there are all sorts of rules that are supposedly dictate relationships, rules about everything from what to wear to when to have sex. And now we even have to worry about Facebook dating rules! However, these aren’t “rules” that you have to follow. Consider them to be guidelines that can help you to stop to think about what you are feeling about the dating situation and how you want to move forward based on that feeling.
· There are First Date Tests. The theory presented in article over at Men.com is that there are tests women put men through on a first date. They may offer to pay the bill at the end of dinner, leaving the guy to figure out if they really want to or if he should take care of it. They may complain about the date, intentionally ask you upsetting questions or nearly demand chivalrous acts. Men.com tells you how to pass each of these tests on a date with the average girl who might be playing these games.
And what about the guys? Are there dating tests that they put women through without the ladies knowing it? An ex of mine always paid attention to the test learned from the movies in which he’d open the girl’s car door for her and walk slowly around the car to his door to see if she’d be polite enough to unlock it for him.
What do these dating tests really mean? In my opinion, you shouldn’t worry about passing someone else’s dating test. You should be yourself and see if who you are is a match for whatever that person is looking for. However, I’m not opposed to at least thinking about what your own first date tests are. I’m not in favor of playing big games but thinking about what you’d like or expect from a first date can give you some guidelines for deciding how the date went so you can decide if you enjoyed it enough to go on another date with the person.
· ABCs of Dating. I once read an article about the ABCs of dating. The premise of the article was that dating really is something that you have to learn if you’re going to do it right. It gives you three simple starting steps for learning, steps which all begin with yourself and your attitude. I think they can be helpful for dating,
First, “accentuate” what is right with you instead of worrying about your flaws. It’s a good point. We all have things we like and things we don’t about ourselves. Accentuating those things we like makes us much more attractive to others (and generally just happier people).
The next step is to “believe”. Instead of wondering if you’re going to find a partner, just believe that you are. Then you can stop worrying about it and start finding it.
And finally, you need to communicate. Sounds obvious enough but it’s such an important part of the dating foundation that it deserves your attention.
There are many different things to be learned about dating. Some of those things will be learned in hard lessons all throughout life. But some of them are as simple as learning your ABC’s!