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jump to last post 1-11 of 11 discussions (11 posts)

I just turned 18, I am married help me understand how to deal with no being able

  1. kwiist profile image48
    kwiistposted 8 years ago

    I just turned 18, I am married help me understand how to deal with no being able to experience life.

    I am just so young I love my husband but the reason we got married was not for love but i do not want to divorce him ever I just want someone to help me understand how to deal with being so young and being married instead of living it up partying all the time like normal people my age.

  2. profile image46
    kati38posted 8 years ago

    ok listen sweety.... its true you are young  nd if you love ur hudbad and he loves you their should be trust you could still hang out with ur friends just make sure u dont do something that is going to affect both of u .. go out clubing with ur hudsbad en ejoy with him  another thing you guys are married put it this way is like having a raletionship you still could go out im not telling to go out there and start a life like a single girl but enjoy still im pretty sure if you love him and he loves you he would understand so do u but make sure that now that u r married things are going to change nd you have to be loyall with him nd him with u it doesnt matter the reason why u guys got married and how long do u guys know each other ??

  3. An Again profile image53
    An Againposted 8 years ago

    There are a couple of things that you should do, and none of them are about not experiencing life.  Examine what you really want.  You write that you married him for some reason other than love, but you do love him and don't want to divorce him.  The only life experience that marriage keeps you from is dating, and you sound like you're committed in your heart and would not be dating other people anyway.

    Be sure that this is what you feel as opposed to a very strong sense of like, which can seem a lot like love when your hormones are involved.

    Then you need to talk to him and make sure it's what he feels and wants as well.  If it is, great!  In general, wedding vows don't exclude parties.  It's best if you can go together--if you can have fun with friends and not cut them out of your lives, but still be a couple--but there's nothing wrong with the occasional girls' night out once a month or so and him having the same with the guys. 

    A lot of your friends probably have boyfriends; the difference here is in the degree of your commitment, but it's the same idea.  Boyfriend or husband, you've chosen to be with this person and should respect that, but respect doesn't equal sitting home bored every night.

  4. Man from Modesto profile image83
    Man from Modestoposted 8 years ago

    "Living it up and partying it up" are actually not normal. Most of the world works, builds their family and focuses on society. Living for revelry and drunkenness is a social sickness. Think of all the bad that comes out of that.

    Why don't you take up a cause? Work online. Build your hubpages account. Start a hobby with your husband. (But you should also have activities separate from him. That is very healthy.)

    Pray that God will send love and joy into your relationship. Keep praying until you receive it. Pray for him to find good work and to be respected and proficient. God can grant anything.

    The married time of my life is BY FAR the most enjoyable segment.

    Something that young married couples do a lot is dinner parties. It is a lot of fun to cook a dinner and feed your friends. Then, just sit together and share experiences, jokes and opinions. It is very bonding.

    If you "bind" your expectations with the false teaching of Hollywood- that marriage is a "ball and chain", you may limit yourself. Instead, pray for, and expect a great love affair, with a full life.

    Pray for good friends. God will send them.

  5. 1001Hobbies profile image65
    1001Hobbiesposted 8 years ago

    My wife was 18 and I was 20 when we got married so I think I can speak from experience.

    The notion that you cannot experience life after marriage is one I will never understand. Hopefully you got married to spend the rest of your life with each other, that is what marriage is, whatever your reason, though it is best for love.

    In your marriage you two will experience life together. You've got someone significant to share the high points and fun with, to laugh with and celebrate accomplishments and the good times. You also have someone to help you weather the rough times, failures, and tough situations. You can lean on each other and comfort each other. To me this is all much better than going it alone.

    There are still things I do on my own as they are interests my wife does not share, however I know she is proud of me in my success in my hobbies as well as my abilities, and I get gratification from this.

    We have things we enjoy doing together like going to car cruises and car shows, movies, and dinner. This is bonding time.

    We've taken our kids to caverns and caves, on a houseboat for a long weekend, and many other weekend excursions. Just the two of us, we've been to Myrtle Beach (we live in Ohio), country bars to listen to local bands (neither of us are even drinkers), and to movies with friends. We were on a couples bowling league. We've been to a number of plays including seeing Phantom of the Opera 3 times, once in Canada.

    I have pursued my hobby of making replica movie props the same way the originals were made for the movies. Ok, maybe a little geeky, but it illustrates that I still do thing things that interest me and I get to "experience life."

    Who said you have to go out, party, get drunk and pass out so that people you thought were your friends can draw on your face in marker and post the video on youtube while you puke your guts out and feel like crap the next day? This is "experiencing life?" Being stupid is not a requirement of experiencing life, nor does it improve how others see you. The repercussions aren't much fun either.

    So I hope from this you can see the positives you have going for you and that you are not missing out on the irresponsible partying and negative consequences that you don't need to deal with. Instead, have fun doing "real" enjoyable things that don't have negatives to be dealt with. The less time you spend dealing with negatives the more time there is in your life for positives. wink

  6. hsofyan profile image59
    hsofyanposted 8 years ago

    Marry at a young age is not a problem. The most important is how the husband and wife can collaborate with both during the marriage, as a team. Marriage is two ego in one family, and grow again if it has children. So, must be a "one-ego" or 100%. That must be maintained so that the balance is still to be 100%. If your teeth 70%, then you must compensate with a role 30%, and so on. If the result is less than 100%, then your marriage will depend on other people. If more than 100%, then going to dispute that point cracks. If a 200%, it means divorce.
    Marriage can also be viewed as a "task" from God during your life. So, conducted with the task that you can.
    Flows like water. Life is beautiful. Enjoy.

  7. KT pdx profile image81
    KT pdxposted 8 years ago

    Your friends who are into partying all the time will learn that there is a lot more to life than that.  You just are learning that early.  As the other answers said, find activities you both can do together as well as activities you can each do separately.

    The key to any marriage, any relationship in fact, is communication.  If you communicate well with your husband, and he with you, then you can do things separately without worrying about it.

    Find some things you and your single friends like to do that are responsible, like hanging out together, going to the mall, day road trips, seeing movies as a group, etc.  If your husband wants to do some of these things with you, great.  He might have other ideas of things to do with his friends, and some might include you.  Talk about all of this with him, come to a group decision that you both are comfortable with, and go from there.

    Don't let the fact that you're married stand in the way of socializing with others.  If you feel like your husband is the reason you stay home, talk to him about it.  If you still feel pressured, talk with your religious leader or a family counselor.

    As well, go out with your husband on a "date" every month.  Set aside time to do something fun as a couple, without others.  It can be watching a movie at home, going out for dinner, or something else that the two of you enjoy doing.  This is so important to the health of your relationship, and most married couples do this!

  8. Lilly Park profile image55
    Lilly Parkposted 8 years ago

    First off stop saying "normal" nothing is normal. What you need to be saying is what is normal for YOU. You control your life and obviously there is a reason that you and your husband got married...love or not you say vows to eachother and you said forever. You can still go out and party all the time with your husband. You can still go without him just stay faithful. There is nothing that says you can't still party and act your age with a husband.

  9. profile image49
    mrs.weaverposted 8 years ago

    Well first of all don't think that you can't expeirence life because you can just a little differently now. Your old enough to go to clubs go together you can have fun and party together. You just cant date other people. But expeirencing life isn't about partying anyways. I am 18 I have a 5 month old baby. You can get a divorce and be free if you wish i can not. But i love my daughter i am happy. Once in a while i go out with my hubby. We try diff things like he goes hunting i go shopping or we have a small get together at the house....I would suggest you do some soul searching and figure out what you want out of life. Then make some goals and a list of what you need to do to reach that goal.

  10. goldie77 profile image41
    goldie77posted 8 years ago

    living it up partying is only normal if that's what you want normal to be for you. I was married at 17 and had a baby at 18 and never went to a party again until I was 21. I agree at times it was frustrating but partying is not everything -there are many things you can do with your time if only you are mature enough to seek them

  11. profile image31
    Sunrahposted 7 years ago

    Life is what you make it. Living it up and life is not partying for everyone but some. Your life just has to be more family and goal oriented that a lot of others your age. You and your hubby just need to find lots of things to do together and try together. You and your husband need to set goals together to accomplish together. Stay away from your wild and single friends.  Family is supposed to be life and not the night club.

 
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