Is it alright to change youself for the person you love?
- Many a times we face this situation, even though we fall in love after knowing the other person, but somewhere down the line, that person may want you to change certain things about you. - big or small. Is it alright to change yourself?
I believe that we all need to change and adapt as we grow older and older.... and to not do so would to be to not prosper from our educations and experiences. Some things will stay the same, but I think we can all strive to become better people each year, esp. for those who love us. If we do not it would be selfish in my opinion.
I don't think it's a matter of right or wrong.
If a person cannot accept you for who you are then maybe you should reconsider the relationship.
On the other hand, if what you are changing are bad habits, or characteristics that will build your own character then I say yes. Whatever you change must be of your own free will and beneficial to you personally. These are the things you would change even if you were not in a relationship.
Don't change who are for someone else, change the things that will make you a better person.
If you are changing for the better, than yes it is OK. Sometimes we need to change in order to grow as a person. I believe that when the right person comes into your life, you both grow together. A healthy relationship is one where both people become better people and bring out the best in each other.
If it is a change that you yourself want to make for the better then it is absolutely fine. If it is a change that has been asked of you, then I don't think it is ok. I think for a relationship to work, then you should accept the person for who they are and not try to change anything about them. If someone asked me to change, I would be out the door and as far away as possible.
If you're partner wants you to quit smoking, that is very different than your partner wanting you to join them in a swingers club. SO, the answer is really based on what it is that your partner wants to you to change.
Well, honestly, no. I don't think we should change ourselves for the person we love. The person who loves you should take you just the way you are. It all depends on what that person wants you to change. Is it smoking? Drugs? Drinking? Then I can see why that person would want you to change. This is to better yourself. But if its small things like, stop going hanging out with your friends, don't dress that way, or dont talk to this one or that one, then I would stand up for yourself. At the end of the day, no one can make you happy but yourself. Hope this helps and Good Luck!
Personally I would never change myself for another nor would I ever ask another to change themselves for me. "What you see is what you Get" AND who you are is who you are. If you don't like it, that's just too bad.
I don't know the details of the kind of relationship you may be referring to, but here's a man's perspective (since all the other answers were from women). While it always sounds good to say that the other peroon should love you for who you are, the reality is that women tend to expect this from a man, but then also expect the man to change for them. I'm ok with that as there are a lot of other double standards that give the advantage to the man. Jeff Foxworthy once joked that his wife had changed him so much and so smoothly that when she made a simple statement that she was hot, HE got up to turn on the fan (he was not hot).
The politically correct answer is that if it makes you a better person then it's ok, but truthfully many of the changes that couples go through for each other are of no particular consequence. I don't really care which side of the bed I sleep on, nor do I care whether i eat dinner on the couch or at the table.
So, the real question is what kind of changes are you being asked to make? If you don't like fresh tomatoes then the other person should not expect you to eat tomatoes. However, if the other person wants you to put the plates in a certain cupboard, it's probably not worth fighting about. I hope that makes sense?
No one can change you but you. So techinically if you change something you're doing it because you want to (for whatever reason).
I don't think so. They need to accept you the way you are. Why should you change for anyone? I wouldn't. My husband and I have been together for 25 years . We have accepted each others flaws and strengths, makes life interesting.
Generally, no, you shouldn't change yourself for other people. However, if the change is favorable it may be that they are a good motivation to make positive changes in your life.
Two persons are not alike. Being together one might discover a person having bad habits like scattering used clothes in the floor. Having bad eating habits, doesn't help doing houseworks etc. These are things which one can change for the better , to let the relationship grow helping each other in preparation for the future.
If it's a small change, maybe. But if it is a change that would change your entire being, then no.
For example....say the person you love doesn't like it when you leave the cap off the toothpaste. You would probably change your habit of leaving it off to putting it on. That is ok! However, if it were something like....the person you love doesn't like your friends. That is too much to sacrifice. Who you are is shaped and defined by the friends you have.
It really just depends on the change. Good question! Very intriguing.
You should not have to change yourself for the person who loves you, they should love you for who you are
No, i think it would be better if you dont change for anyone. If he/she loves you, he/she should accept you wholeheartedly.
I think it is acceptable to change certain things for the benefit of your relationship. There is no benefit to be had if you become stubborn and unwilling to compromise and possibly change something that your partner may feel strongly about.
If it means that by changing that thing you are improving yourself as well as strengthening your relationship - but there should always be a limit to what you will change.
e.g if you partner asked you to go and do table top dancing in front of other men, then surely that's not acceptable and you will not change for him. However if he says darling would you please make me breakfast every morning then I don't see a problem in that.
You should never try to change a person, but instead fall in love with a person that has the qualities you desire. To go about a relationship any other way creates unstable situations.
Well, my two cents is that you are fine and wise to change what about yourself you wish and have been trying to change - things that come from the deepest urge to make you more YOU.
Changing to fit somebody ELSE'S expectations - and THEIR version of you (er, ahem - their version of a perfect partner) - that, and the relationship, and you depending on how deep and long to try to "change for somebody else" - are doomed, doomed, *doomed*.
I'd say don't bother. It's the same reason I don't lie during job interviews (been awhile, but I know myself and remember the tug and my will to resist it) - if the job is not right for me AS I am, then - no matter how much you may need work, it is NOT gonna work out.
Same thing with the love of your life. You find that person when you find the person who takes YOU as YOU - and whatever journey and/or changes that come with the package.
Honestly, when it comes to the little things, that's up to you wither or not you want to bend and fold. But when it comes to who you are and what you stand for..NEVER! The other person should know this before coming into your life. Granted, if the relationship grows you BOTH will make changes, but it should never be forced. It should only happen naturally as time passes.
Oooooh no..... there is no such thing! Neither will you "be changed" you're more like kissing ass and who does that in a relationship! Ewww Yuk!
If you are going to "change" yourself, do it because you feel the need to personally for your own good. So tell me....what happens after this "change" takes place and the person leaves you??!?!?
It's really your choice if you want to change or not. No one can change you, not even your partner, except yourself. It's great if your partner is your source of motivation to become a better person. Personally, I have realized that a partner opposite to my personality has brought out the good qualities in me and has taught me a lot of things (since we are different). Being with your opposite can bring balance to your relationship, as well as help you get out of your comfort zone. On the other hand, being with the same person as you are won't bring about change.
If you want that change, then let it be. If it's for the better, why not? But, don't change because he/she ask to be that someone you are not.
by Jluvies 9 years ago
My boyfriend wants me to conform to his rules and is trying to teach me structure and discipline. I don't agree with what it's doing to our relationship or how it is making me feel. It just so happens that I decided to write about it last night- < no self-promotional links> And...
by Hassan Shahbaz 3 years ago
How one should move to bring a change in society?what step should be taken by one in order to bring a change in a society? From where one should take a start? How one can change the minds of people?
by Dan Barfield 6 years ago
Is it possible to change or better oneself?Through personal experience, I feel I have in some ways changed a great deal over the years, especially in my beliefs. Have you changed a deep part of yourself through choice?
by mommy2threegoofs 8 years ago
My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 10. My biggest problem with him is porn. He sneaks onto the computer when I am out or asleep to surf the sleaze. He has naked women on his phone, friends email it or he is online there (both really) We have gotten...
by These eyes 3 months ago
Why do men hurt the person they love? If they love a woman why they do crazy things?I have a good relationship with this man and he just admit that he was having an affair that he wants to continue seing that person. I never see this coming since everything was so great with us. We never have a big...
by Dawn Michael 8 years ago
How do you fall back in love with your spouse again once you have given up and then they change?
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
HubPages Inc, a part of Maven Inc.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|