Is it alright to change youself for the person you love?

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  1. rikabothra profile image60
    rikabothraposted 11 years ago

    Is it alright to change youself for the person you love?

    - Many a times we face this situation, even though we fall in love after knowing the other person, but somewhere down the line, that person may want you to change certain things about you. - big or small. Is it alright to change yourself?

  2. IdeaMorphist profile image59
    IdeaMorphistposted 11 years ago

    I believe that we all need to change and adapt as we grow older and older.... and to not do so would to be to not prosper from our educations and experiences. Some things will stay the same, but I think we can all strive to become better people each year, esp. for those who love us. If we do not it would be selfish in my opinion.

  3. Cardisa profile image90
    Cardisaposted 11 years ago

    I don't think it's a matter of right or wrong.

    If a person cannot accept you for who you are then maybe you should reconsider the relationship.

    On the other hand, if what you are changing are bad habits, or characteristics that will build your own character then I say yes. Whatever you change must be of your own free will and beneficial to you personally. These are the things you would change even if you were not in a relationship.

    Don't change who are for someone else, change the things that will make you a better person.

  4. Jeannieinabottle profile image92
    Jeannieinabottleposted 11 years ago

    If you are changing for the better, than yes it is OK.  Sometimes we need to change in order to grow as a person.  I believe that when the right person comes into your life, you both grow together.  A healthy relationship is one where both people become better people and bring out the best in each other.

  5. jacqui2011 profile image83
    jacqui2011posted 11 years ago

    If it is a change that you yourself want to make for the better then it is absolutely fine. If it is a change that has been asked of you, then I don't think it is ok. I think for a relationship to work, then you should accept the person for who they are and not try to change anything about them. If someone asked me to change, I would be out the door and as far away as possible.

  6. LonghornGI profile image60
    LonghornGIposted 11 years ago

    If you're partner wants you to quit smoking, that is very different than your partner wanting you to join them in a swingers club. SO, the answer is really based on what it is that your partner wants to you to change.

  7. miccimom profile image60
    miccimomposted 11 years ago

    Well, honestly, no.  I don't think we should change ourselves for the person we love.  The person who loves you should take you just the way you are.  It all depends on what that person wants you to change.  Is it smoking?  Drugs? Drinking? Then I can see why that person would want you to change.  This is to better yourself.  But if its small things like, stop going hanging out with your friends, don't dress that way, or dont talk to this one or that one, then I would stand up for yourself.  At the end of the day, no one can make you happy but yourself.  Hope this helps and Good Luck!

  8. Dave Mathews profile image60
    Dave Mathewsposted 11 years ago

    Personally I would never change myself for another nor would I ever ask another to change themselves for me. "What you  see is what you Get" AND who you are is who you are. If you don't like it, that's just too bad.

  9. Roy Perrin profile image62
    Roy Perrinposted 11 years ago

    I don't know the details of the kind of relationship you may be referring to, but here's a man's perspective (since all the other answers were from women).  While it always sounds good to say that the other peroon should love you for who you are, the reality is that women tend to expect this from a man, but then also expect the man to change for them.  I'm ok with that as there are a lot of other double standards that give the advantage to the man.  Jeff Foxworthy once joked that his wife had changed him so much and so smoothly that when she made a simple statement that she was hot, HE got up to turn on the fan (he was not hot). 
    The politically correct answer is that if it makes you a better person then it's ok, but truthfully many of the changes that couples go through for each other are of no particular consequence.  I don't really care which side of the bed I sleep on, nor do I care whether i eat dinner on the couch or at the table.
    So, the real question is what kind of changes are you being asked to make?  If you don't like fresh tomatoes then the other person should not expect you to eat tomatoes.  However, if the other person wants you to put the plates in a certain cupboard, it's probably not worth fighting about.  I hope that makes sense?

  10. R.S. Hutchinson profile image76
    R.S. Hutchinsonposted 11 years ago

    No one can change you but you. So techinically if you change something you're doing it because you want to (for whatever reason).

  11. europewalker profile image78
    europewalkerposted 11 years ago

    I don't think so. They need to accept you the way you are. Why should you change for anyone? I wouldn't. My husband and I have been together for 25 years . We have accepted each others flaws and strengths, makes life interesting.

  12. Melind profile image59
    Melindposted 11 years ago

    Generally, no, you shouldn't change yourself for other people. However, if the change is favorable it may be that they are a good motivation to make positive changes in your life.

  13. carolp profile image73
    carolpposted 11 years ago

    Two persons are not alike. Being together one might discover a person having bad habits like scattering used clothes in the floor. Having bad eating habits, doesn't help doing houseworks etc. These are things which one can change for the better , to let the relationship grow helping each other in preparation for the future.

  14. iviskei profile image63
    iviskeiposted 11 years ago

    If it's a small change, maybe. But if it is a change that would change your entire being, then no.

    For example....say the person you love doesn't like it when you leave the cap off the toothpaste. You would probably change your habit of leaving it off to putting it on. That is ok! However, if it were something like....the person you love doesn't like your friends. That is too much to sacrifice. Who you are is shaped and defined by the friends you have.

    It really just depends on the change. Good question! Very intriguing.

  15. ninacrimaldi profile image60
    ninacrimaldiposted 11 years ago

    You should not have to change yourself for the person who loves you, they should love you for who you are

  16. rob_allen profile image70
    rob_allenposted 11 years ago

    No, i think it would be better if you dont change for anyone. If he/she loves you, he/she should accept you wholeheartedly.

  17. Zubair Ahmed profile image68
    Zubair Ahmedposted 11 years ago

    I think it is acceptable to change certain things for the benefit of your relationship. There is no benefit to be had if you become stubborn and unwilling to compromise and possibly change something that your partner may feel strongly about.

    If it means that by changing that thing you are improving yourself as well as strengthening your relationship - but there should always be a limit to what you will change.

    e.g if you partner asked you to go and do table top dancing in front of other men, then surely that's not acceptable and you will not change for him.  However if he says darling would you please make me breakfast every morning then I don't see a problem in that.

  18. woodamarc profile image46
    woodamarcposted 11 years ago

    You should never try to change a person, but instead fall in love with a person that has the qualities you desire.  To go about a relationship any other way creates unstable situations.

  19. stanwshura profile image71
    stanwshuraposted 11 years ago

    Well, my two cents is that you are fine and wise to change what about yourself you wish and have been trying to change - things that come from the deepest urge to make you more YOU.

    Changing to fit somebody ELSE'S expectations - and THEIR version of you (er, ahem - their version of a perfect partner) - that, and the relationship, and you depending on how deep and long to try to "change for somebody else" - are doomed, doomed, *doomed*.

    I'd say don't bother.  It's the same reason I don't lie during job interviews (been awhile, but I know myself and remember the tug and my will to resist it) - if the job is not right for me AS I am, then - no matter how much you may need work, it is NOT gonna work out.

    Same thing with the love of your life.  You find that person when you find the person who takes YOU as YOU - and whatever journey and/or changes that come with the package.


  20. Stephiliboo profile image60
    Stephilibooposted 11 years ago

    Honestly, when it comes to the little things, that's up to you wither or not you want to bend and fold. But when it comes to who you are and what you stand for..NEVER! The other person should know this before coming into your life. Granted, if the relationship grows you BOTH will make changes, but it should never be forced. It should only happen naturally as time passes.

  21. profile image0
    reeltaulkposted 11 years ago

    Oooooh no..... there is no such thing!  Neither will you "be changed"  you're more like kissing ass and who does that in a relationship!  Ewww Yuk!
    If you are going to "change" yourself, do it because you feel the need to personally for your own good.  So tell me....what happens after this "change" takes place and the person leaves you??!?!?

  22. zzron profile image57
    zzronposted 11 years ago

    It depends on what it is and if you want to change it.

  23. seriousnuts profile image61
    seriousnutsposted 11 years ago

    It's really your choice if you want to change or not. No one can change you, not even your partner, except yourself. It's great if your partner is your source of motivation to become a better person. Personally, I have realized that a partner opposite to my personality has brought out the good qualities in me and has taught me a lot of things (since we are different). Being with your opposite can bring balance to your relationship, as well as help you get out of your comfort zone. On the other hand, being with the same person as you are won't bring about change.

  24. whiplashinfo profile image59
    whiplashinfoposted 11 years ago

    If you want that change, then let it be. If it's for the better, why not? But, don't change because he/she ask to be that someone you are not.


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