Yes. And forgiving them is a necessary part of healing and being able to move forward.
I still miss the man of my dreams but then I wake up and am glad he is gone. This too shall pass
Yes. Maybe not 100%, but you learn to close off the hurt and not let it affect your life. It takes about two years to get over a really bad breakup.
then you wonder what you ever saw in that person...
so true....you see an ugly side that was so well hidden!
Hello...My boyfriend of 11yrs husband for 2yrs. Our relationship had the normal problems inwhich we had been having problems for a long while. We never could hold an adult conversation without getting upset and flipping out on one another. He became friends with an ex-co-worker in May-Oct of 2009 they became really close. They would hangout, he would even go by her house to hangout. Back in Oct. he went to take a shower and I checked his phone and read text mess from a women of course her name was not disclosed. I called back to say this is so and so wife. She disconnected the call then text back with a ?. I approached him and he didn't want to tell me who she was because he said I showed murder in my eyes and voice I was really upset, also said alot of mean, mean things. Of course I did my homework found out who she was. Over the summer I meet her on two occasions. So she knew of me for a couple of hrs. To make a long sorry short. He apologize sincerly and said it would never happen again. He also said I need to continue to show him affection and that I do care. He has cut her off completely. My big sister tells me I must take blame for his actions, due to my stuckupness and my don't care attitude...lol...Thats me crazy Gemini. We have a 1 child together. I've seen a complete 365 in him since this all has come to light. He says he wants his family back and Is willing to attend a couple of counseling session which I guess is a good thing. We've actually gotten closer, we communicate more, we do things as a family like we use to. I'm not sure if she knows I know it was her that had the affair with him. I plan to approach her at her church one sunday soon when I'm ready and I know her guard will be down. I plan to write her a letter, telling her I forgive her she has to answer to god for her part in the affair. She did me a favor and I thank her. Then hand her the letter explaning everthing I know, then I would get up and leave the church. Its really weighing heavy on my heart not really sleeping throught the night. I feel I need to do this, I'm sure this is my way of finding closure. What bothers me the most is that she met me and she knew of me. I'm not to hung up on the sex part due to her 2yrs of celibacy to me she was a dog in heat. Then to think that she Is scotch free is a negative for me. Once I approach her I think I would be fine. Sorry for the book. I've looked at your past response and you have good ones. Even though I have my mind made up on approaching her. I would love your opinion. Thanks
Absolutely. And then see them get married to someone else that they are not happy with. I should make myself a shirt with this logo:
Everything happens for a reason!
Since I'm going through this now, all I now is it takes a long time. A lot of self discovery to realize it's us who is okay, and that we can move forward despite what has happened. But it takes me a lot of time to get to that realization, and it's very frustrating to me. I wish my heart would agree with my head much more quickly.
I agree with you. I am in the process of healing my broken heart and really hard because my head said one thing and my heart said the opposite. I just don't understand why people have to experiece heartbroken. I wonder why is that? Is it part of life that everyone must go with some sort of pain well its not fun at all and not going to wish to anyone to go through this but I guess this how we get stronger
It can be hard, but it does get better over time. Yes, it sounds cliche, but it's true. Trust me, like many that have responded here, I've been through it.
Sometimes you get over it but it takes alot out of you. It damages yourself esteem, makes you doubt your worth. Sometimes its better to just walk away.
I think it is vital for healing to work through the hurt and not so much get over it but get through it, to the other side so to speak.
I dont know if you ever do or not i have been going though it for 5 years now and i'm still not over it but i can say it gets easier to deal with as time goes by. but it still lingers and still comes up from time to time.
You don't say what the hurt was so it's impossible to really answer - left you? cheated? embarrassed you? abused you? It's impossible to really answer without a better understanding...but yes in most cases a person "really gets over being hurt". Of course, it's all up to how that person works through it.
your hurt will only vanish when you forgive and forget all the bad things s/he did to you...... just forgive the person and you will hurt a zillion times less....
Once you realize it was nothing personal, meaning it had nothing to do with you but it had everything to do with them, yes!!! Sometimes things are just not meant to be! Sometimes we don't have the true image about the person we think we love and that's a perfect basis for being hurt! So open your eyes wide open and when you get hurt just say to yourself it's because something better is waiting for out there somewhere!!!
Always move on. If you don't then you'll have no reason to live and that could lead you to do something more drastic.
its very hard... you finally forgive but never forget.
After a time yes. I was hurt by a partner and it took me 5 yrs to finally get over it, but now I am stronger and have found out more about myself. It takes time longer depending on how you were hurt, but as they say time heals all wounds.
I really think for everyone the answer would be different.
Breaking up sucks no matter how you look at it.
I've been separated for a month now from my 32 years of marriage and at first I thought what have I done? I was so used to living in an unhappy relationship I thought I screwed up when I first left! I'm doing so much better living with out the negative man! As for the expiration date, that's hard to say. I still love the man but I wont live with him any more. I'm FREE!!
Pam and I've been together for going on 13 years and are "hooked at the hip" as they say...but she's wife #7 which means, yes, 6 (countem 6) divorces in my past.
There was a lot of pain and suffering involved in every failed marriage, but the truth of the matter is that at this point it's hard to remember specifics (and no, it's not dementia, just time away from the situations). So that's good. I do remember some things:
#1: Hypercritical and refused to grow as a person. Divorced in 1973. Have had several powerfully healing experiences with her in the dream state.
#2: Best friend at the time and still a great one. She and I had strong chemistry but she basically did not want physical intimacy. Parted still friends, extreme pain due to lack of any anger to mask it. Have supported each other ever since (divorce 1980) and still do.
#3: She was full of rage and jealousy, believed if I was 5 minutes late getting home from work, I had something going. Can still talk but seldom do.
#4: Touchy and critical and the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Shortest marriage. Several powerful healing experiences in dream state.
#5: Built a huge business together (gone now). Strong chemistry. She would not follow when I was under attack and decided to leave Montana in 1991. No communication since last co-business check was sent to her in 2007.
#6: Claimed no greed, exhibited (after getting married) max greed. Learned her lesson too late after I left. Can still talk, but have not for years now. No dream state healing that I've noticed.
Yes, I believe that in your own time and your own way, you can. For me I had to learn how to truly forgive not only him, but myself as well and really let it go. I began to see myself and him in a different light and now we are working on a new relationship. Whether or not it last, that remains to be seen. I gotta say, the scars are deep, but they are healing and we are more open about our feelings and expectation then before while trying to create a new relationship. It does give a new meaning to second chances.
I am going through it right now! But time heals! My daughters are the best gifts I got through this relationship. That's why I will never regret the relationship!
Yes, you eventually get over it...but you never fully forget it!
healing is the first part of getting over being hurt. You must heal self before moving on. Theeeeeeeen if you choose you can forgive them or bid them good riddance. All depends on you and how you feel. if the truth be told its really no longer about them anymore because while in the relationship you have been patient, understanding, FORGIVING god knows how many god forsaken times! now it is time for you to get your mind right and focus on getting yourself back on track-----PRODuCTIVELY!!!
It does hurt when you sincerely and honestly love another person. But time heals all wounds. But it does take years
i am not going to say that it takes a specific amount of time, because to be hurt via love is horrifying. What I will say is it is a process, and one that you have to be 100% willing to go through, regardless of how much it hurts!
Vonda G. Nelson
Guess it depends how deep the feelings TRULY were to begin with ps- Hi Himitsu
I think everyone is different. Forgiveness is one thing, but getting over it, is different. I think of 'Get Over It' as dealing with it and at some point in time, being okay with what had happened; that I don't believe, will ever happen. But you can forgive and move forward with caution...'
If you give attention to your hurts you will have more in future. Just give attention to what you ant and feel grateful about.
It can be done. I am living proof of that. Not quite so like our friend Ghost though. LOL He is amazing.
Yes, you can get over the hurt with time. I know this because I left my husband of 27 years, alot of those years felt like hell. Two years later, I found the love of my life, a man that loves me, I mean really loves me for who I am, not what he thinks I should be. Being so happy now, I look back and wonder "What took me so long to get out of that abusive relationship, that I had stayed in for so many years?" There is happiness out there. All you have to do is find it. I wish you luck.
I can truthfully say, at this moment, NO, not at first. But one can profess to forgive until one actually feels it inside.
You can move on, sure. But once you've had the ice pick chipping away at your block, breaking off a little piece at a time, sooner or later you're either gonna melt or there wont' be anything left. Hurt can heal, but it changes you on the inside, especially when betrayal or deception was involved. I think deception is the hardest hurt to overcome. It doesn't have to come from your significant other, either. Just plain ole, outright deception. But it can mend....eventually. Except you're left with this part of you wondering how you ended up in this place.
Yes there is always the sun that shines again believe me I've had my share.
For past the meadow dark and grim,
is joy and hope and peace in Spring
Letting go of the past, you can embrace the future; letting go of another, you can embrace a new lover.
Never play the victim...you are a great deal stronger than anyone else ever permitted you to believe.
If they really hurt you get even, hide their car keys! You can act like you have no idea while watching them tear the house apart!
Yes, I have been there, the best way is to go out and start again, hurts them more than it hurts you....shake them off move on....now go and see my recipe for Irish Steak
sadly, I have become numb about my situations. It has caused me to be cold and indifferent, possibly as a protective measure to ensure it will definitely never happen again
by emotionalchick 9 years ago
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