I don't know what to do anymore, I feel so helpless.

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   lotusb34posted 13 years ago

   I don't know what to do anymore, I feel so helpless.
   
   Why is it ok for him to be in a bad mood and be mean and talk rude to me for no reason but when I am in a bad mood I get yelled at if I take it out on him? I suspect he is using again and I'm not ok with it but I can't get the truth, what should I do?
   He was acting weird last night and I know in my heart he is using again and his behavior today only adds to the feeling. He is out and he is mad so take it out on me. I have yo much going on in my life to deal with this.

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   davenmidtownposted 13 years ago

   Then do not deal with him... tell him to leave... having an addict in your life is not going to do anything but add to your problems.  What are your choices?

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   JeniferRWposted 13 years ago

   I am very sorry to hear about all you're having to deal with. It's always a rough road with any 'addict'. I assume you're talking about your bf/husband who has or use to have an addiction problem in the past? If it were me, and again this is just me, my opinion means next to nothing but I would not be able to continue without knowing if he was in fact 'using' again or not. The way to approaching the problem of him taking his frustrations out on you could be very different if he is. Putting that aside for a moment him taking his bad day/bad mood out on you and vice versa is never good but everyone in a relationship I would say has done this very thing.  It's very true when we say, 'you always hurt the ones you love the most.' Most of the time we can't or won't take out our aggression on whoever it really should be toward so we take it out on the only people we know will listen, our loved ones. It's a tough cycle to break out of also. It takes a lot of work and practice. As far as the other issues go, I would say a lot of different people would have a lot of different answers, but as for me I would want to know 100%. Also, if there is ANYthing physical going on, please don't put up with that. Call authorities or leave. The situation may not be near that point but my own conscious requires me to say it anyway. If he is dragging you as a person down a road that you don't want to go or don't feel like you should be going then it might be time to let it go and go down your own path. If not, it might be time to try and get some help for him and his problem again. I hope this helps if even a little bit. I can relate to everything you just said and if you ever want to just talk feel free to email me. I know you don't know me from Adam but it's always nice for me to feel like somebody else can relate to what I'm going through. Good luck with everything.

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   jami l. pereiraposted 13 years ago

   Leave and get out now while you can , before you become imprisoned in his temper and torment! They say a man never does anything to a woman that "she" doesnt let him do ..dont believe that! pack your things and leave and do not look back , I know how hard it is , but he obviously loves drugs and his abusive mannerisms more than he loves you , if he does love you he will stop using and abusing ,and live for you and be kind,loving and gentle ,get rid of this man before he gets rid of you in a frightening way , take care God Bless and be safe!

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   Kimberlyann331posted 13 years ago

   No, its not ok for him to be mean to you and talk rudely on a regular basis. Once in a great while everybody does but you should not let your affection for this person get in the way of your own mental well being and physical well being. Especially if there is physical abuse going on there is no reason for you to be in that kind of a relationship. Once you get rid of that stress your eyes will be opened and you will feel free.

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   Maralexaposted 13 years ago

   If the situation is as you say, my dear lotusb34, you MUST leave.  If you can not leave entirely, take everything you need and find a STRONG friend and see if you can stay with her.  I do mean HER.  But you must get out!

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   Moms-Secretposted 13 years ago

   Is he your husband?  I know it is a weird question, but if you accepted him this way and married him then it is different.  Your wife giving up on you has horrible affects compared to loosing a good person to your addiction.
   
   If you aren't married, I hope that you do find someone else.  There are enough challenges in a marriage.  You don't have to go into it with someone you can't count on or trust.

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   lotusb34posted 13 years ago

   I have been with addicts before I have lied to sexually verbally and emotionally abused stolen from and it sucks. I drew a very clear boundary before we got involved telling him that what he does is on him but that I can't tolerate it in my life and I have the right to draw that boundary. Its been a year and everything had been ok but all of a sudden his behavior is off, he acted weird last night slept until 6P.M. tonight then woke up and when I simply asked if anything was bothering him he flipped out on me and started yelling at me. That is not normal but it has been happening on and off lately like it would if he were using and running out....patterns I know em real well. God I have so much going on in my life if any of you read my first hub then you know that, I can't deal with this crap. I don't have a car and believe me I want to leave...I don't care about my crap it's replaceable. I have no money no car, I'm from MA living in ME now almost 2 yrs, I don't have anything I feel so freaking helpless!!!!!

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   OutsideTheLinesposted 13 years ago

   I dated a heroine and cocaine addict once and that was entirely too stressful to deal with on a day to day basis. I would honestly assess your relationship and if he will not go to a rehabilitation center or quit on his own I would get out of the relationship. Do you really want to worry about someone using your money on substance abuse when you start a family? Look ahead to the future instead of the present.

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    dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

    "Why is it ok for him to be in a bad mood and be mean and talk rude to me..?"
    "I suspect he is using again and I'm not ok with it but I can't get the truth, what should I do?"   (You're asking the wrong questions!!!)
    
    The question you need to ask (yourself) is; "Why am I staying with a man who treats me like crap?"
    
    Since we have no control over what another person says or does it's important to focus on what we do have control over which is ourselves. No one is "stuck" with anyone. Sometimes we get so caught up in (our problems) that we lose proper perspective. If you had a daughter in the same position and she asked you for advice....What would you tell her? You have to be your own best friend!
    The behavior and the drug issue you described would be "deal breakers" for most people. Being in a committed relationship does not mean you're not entitled to have "deal breakers". Anyone who loves themself sets boundaries! "If you want something different then YOU have to do something different". "When we change our circumstances change." Time to move on! Best of luck!

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    tamarindcandyposted 13 years ago

    Oh honey, please get out. This is an abuser and you are in an abusive relationship. Get help from friends and family, and if you're living with him especially stay elsewhere for a while. It will get better.

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    lcbenefieldposted 13 years ago

    This open letter is to anyone living with someone who is using and abusing drugs or alcohol.  I know and understand what you are going through.  I hope my words offer some hope and encouragement for you. read more

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