What commits you to the relationship you are in?
What do you believe makes a strong, committed relationship? Is it a physical connection? Emotional connection? Financial connection? Would you stay with someone even if they could no longer work, be intimate and go out with you because of health issues?
In answer to your headline question:
Love's indefinable of course, but it also encompasses;
an emotional connection,
a spiritual connection (not religious in our case),
absolute respect for, and faith in one another.
In answer to your expanded question: "Would you stay with someone even if they could no longer work, be intimate and go out with you because of health issues?"
In my view, anyone who wouldn't, has no place commenting on 'a committed relationship'. Because that's what commitment is - maintaining a relationship through life's turmoils.
Otherwise it's a 'conditional relationship.'
Tragically, too many people, in what they believed to be a committed relationship, find out only after one of life's turmoils arises, and the other party fails to fulfil the obligations that add up to commitment, that their relationship was conditional.
Unlike the old cliche, when it comes to real life and real relationships, when the going gets tough, the tough DON'T get going. They stay. Nor do they judge, let alone condemn. Especially over issues of health. Instead they ask, 'What can I do to help?"
And do it.
If you define "love" as physical, then you miss the point. Love is humble, responsible and full of confidence (faith). Love transcends our own selfish needs.
I thought this was a fabulous question. I'm just about finished, reading a brilliant book called How to Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving By David Richo. And I realized that, in my relationship, I didn't "fall in love" I chose to love him.( for many reasons) and I accepted him for his happy side and the not so happy sides. I would stay with my Fiance if he became ill or was broke. However, I was married before, he left me because I became disabled and lost my job. We made enough money to live comfortably despite losing my job. However, for my Ex, my illness took a toll on him.
I forgave him a long time ago. Everything has a beginning and end. Sometimes we cling to a time frame, like a 25th anniversary or when the kids grow up and dying. Everyone has a beginning and an end, it's not just in romantic relationships, the thought of how long you or your kids or siblings and friends will be in each others life. The end is not just death, it could be an argument, a move,a life change. When you sit with someone you never know when "their end" in your life will be.
I am not writing a book report so I'll try and end my answer soon. I think what makes a relationship strong is to accept all parts of each other and that includes change. You can't avoid it, like death, but you can ride the wave of change instead of fighting it and life feels much better.
Love first and foremost. But I think there's much more to it the longer a relationship lasts. The love grows stronger, because the couple share so much and they get to know one another like no one else.
To get it again, not only would you have to find someone that you love as much or more, but it would take time and experience---ya'd have to start all over again!
Then there are sometimes children and morgtages~ the reasons are endless once you've been in a relationship for years.
I love my husband enough that I would stay with him regardless of whether or not he could work and if he fell ill; I'd be right by his bedside for as long as he needed.
I believe that more than anything communication makes the best relationship. If you can't communicate then the rest will eventually fall apart and you won't be together anymore. You have to be willing to listen also and not just talk. When you first fall in love it is a different love than that mature love. You want to be around each other every minute of the day then that in love feeling changes to the mature love. Yes I would stay with my husband no matter what limitations either of us had and I know he would do it for me also. Money is not what makes a relationship happy. Its nice to not need things and be comfortable but I could very well love my husband as much as I do now even if we had no money.
I think what makes me commit the most is the comfort I feel with my partner. We're flirty, secure, quiet, and peaceful. I makes me feel warm.
Love and compassion- for all types of relationship I have now.
I like the answer smzclark gave. I agree with you completely. I have been married for 42 years!!!!!
The quality to that the other person may have, such as loyality, courage, smarts, etc.
All of those things that you mention are important and should be given credence.
What you did not offer.................
the yesterdays.............the hours worked providing for our family
the graduations...........kindergarten through college
my Dad wants a porch...............my Dad needs an incline for his wheel chair
My Grandmother died
My Mother in law, is ill
My brother is hurt
My sister in law is having a new baby
I lost my job
Honey, I am being transferred................AGAIN
the college tution is due.......so is the light bill, and the auto insurance, and oh, yeah, it is time to renew your driver's license................you need a physical for that, and hey, I have pneounmia, I need antibiotics, and I can't work for at Least 3 days...............sweetie, the water pipe broke, and I think something might be wrong with the dog..........................YOU DO like the dog, DON"T YOU?
Can we, at some point, discuss.........comittment, responsiblity, partnership, dedication, taking life as it comes,, teamwork, togetherness, forging onward...........
it does not have to be about " escape "..............
Married to the same man for 30 years.....................Do You really think, that neither of us has something to complain about?
I could write you a column, and I am sure that he can remember each and every overcooked T-bone.
What " commits me to such a relationship"?
I so, willingly, VOWED.
Cowboys will advise against changing horses in midstream............I want a partner who knows me. Strengths and weaknesses........even when the growing, might be painful. A new dude, just will not know what to do.........or why.
For me it's love, trust, and laughs. I would have to say it's an emotional connection and I would stay with him even if he couldn't work, be intimate, or go out. It is like nothing else, we miss each other during the smallest times apart.
Let me change it around a bit.... most of you are speaking of a committed marriage where vows have been exchanged. What if you weren't married? What if you had been together a few years and suddenly you found yourself supporting this person and knew you had a future of no intimacy, no help with finances and you were going to have to accept that you were on your own at most functions....what would you say then?
For me, who I am with says a lot about me. Therefore, what commits me to a relationship is someone who treats me with love and respect. I do not enter a relationship to change someone into something else. I do not expect that anyone would want to change me either. Accept me for who I am or look for someone else, but don't try to tell me what to wear, how to live my life, or what my problem is.
I think any relationship initially is physical whether it be looks or some kind of a chemical reaction. However, the physicality of a relationship dips over time and takes more work to keep alive, so to keep a relationship strong, a couple needs to be committed to something more than each other's looks.
I need to be able to talk to the person I'm with and I need that person to listen to me. I want that person to be interesting to me and I want to be interesting to them. How can a relationship go on if neither party has nothing to say to one another. Yes, the sex might be great, but what do you talk about after that?
I also need someone who is responsible with money. I don't need someone rich, but I don't need to be working hard to support me and someone else who lays on the couch all day. Even if I loved someone, I couldn't stay with him or her if they didn't show some initiative and willingness to work.
Finally, the introduction of health issues in a relationship should not be a game changer if everything else in that relationship has been strong up to that point in time. If someone can no longer work, there should still be a source of income in the way of insurance, disability, social security, and medicare or medicaid, so that shouldn't be an issue unless you want to live a more consumerist lifestyle (is that a word?). Intimacy should not be just about sex. You can be close to someone emotionally and spiritually without having sex, so you need to decide what you need and talk about it with your partner. If you are still in love and want to remain together, but sex is still important, then you both might need to consider letting someone else enter your lives to fulfill that need. I'm no pollyanna when it comes to this sort of thing, so I might be alone in this perspective.
What keeps me in a relationship is the other person's commitment to me and to our happiness, and all that begins with love and respect and an ability to communicate in honesty.
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