My daughter has the same problem. She has used the legal remedies available as the behaviour of her ex was bordering on stalking. She has not come out unscathed and is now suffering anger, low self esteem, and I would think some depression. She does visit web sites very often to read how to deal with these feelings and what to do practically. It has helped her but she has a long way to go before she is fully recovered and not looking over her shoulder all the time.
One thing that was suggested was to 'give him a warning', I would assume this meant physical threat or making him fear for his own safety. As angry as I was, being her mother, I was aghast at this suggestion and pointed her in the direction of the police. They have not handled the situation with much tact and have said some very inflammatory things to her that again have upset her. Suggestions that she is enjoying the attention, she is making it happen etc. etc. She has to remember that this is the personal opinion of the police officer dealing with the situation and the means to the end and the objective needs to be the main priority. It makes me sad that people can behave in such a way and as a victim she has been re victimised by the people who she turned to for help.
However this does not really answer the question but my advice would be go to the specialist web sites, just type in 'abusive partners', loads of really good information is available. Don't be put off you need to take control of this type of behaviour as soon as possible, talk to someone you trust, and do something to make yourself safe immediately.
My wife simply outsmarted my ex by using these strange things she called facts...and as it is the case with most bullies my ex had no answers and eventually put her husband on the phone and she chopped him up like those little pieces of celery you put into chicken/tuna salad..again using facts n figures. while she kept her cool and did not really even raise her voice to either of them... Luckily
I have a spcial way to out maneuver her...but that is my secret....
Wow. I am sorry you are going through this situation. I had a similar thing happen to me AFTER I had broken up with one of my ex's. The girl called me and kept on bothering me. I ended up blocking her number. I don't know who she was and to this day I still do not know. But blocking her number and avoiding places she might go seemed to work for me. Good luck to you!
If he has respect for you he'll stand up for you. Remeber, if she's bothering her exs partner, her problem isn't really with you, it's with him. If the two of them were resolved completely then she'd have no beef with you. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Ask yourself if the relationship is worth the hassle. It's not his fault, but it's not yours either.If you can deal with the drama, go for it. Otherwise, walk away.
I simply returned all of the ill will to her in a two-pronged attack. She promptly stopped her gossip and intrusion into our lives. There are times in life that you must fight fire WITH fire.
Also, remember that it takes two to keep this sort of nonsense going...not the way you might think. If the ex is trying to get back with your current love, are they doing anything to give them hope? Being "friends" with exes is not a good idea, there is a reason you broke up and it wasn't to be "friends".
Thank you to each of you for your answers on this topic, I've found your comments very useful.
I have experienced this first hand and it can be confusing and painful until some tough questions are asked and answered. Hope it helps you find happiness without suffering through non-sense like I did.
Hang up - Do not listen. Contact the police department and then get an Order of Protection from the court. Now days folks are more physical than ever before - Obviously that person does not know how to let go and may let go on you. Better safe than sorry!
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