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jump to last post 1-10 of 10 discussions (17 posts)

Why is it so easy to say "I Love You" to friends, but harder to family and your

  1. CrazedNovelist profile image85
    CrazedNovelistposted 5 years ago

    Why is it so easy to say "I Love You" to friends, but harder to family and your significant other?

    It's funny, but I can say "I Love You" so easily to friends, but when it comes to family and the person I'm seeing. I can't seem to open my mouth and say it. Anyone have an idea of what the reason is for that?

  2. msorensson profile image72
    msorenssonposted 5 years ago

    To friends, you do not need assurance that they love you..it is assumed..

    With family and the person you are seeing, normally, you expect them to say "I love you" back..to affirm you...

    It is only normal...

  3. Amy Becherer profile image74
    Amy Bechererposted 5 years ago

    For me personally, Aubrey, the reason is that friends come and go, with but a few exceptions, which makes saying "I love you" understood as "right now".  Family is a bonded link that is forever.  The fear that anyone could do something to or say something that could damage that connection is paralyzing.  No one is perfect.  We all do things that may alienate family members at times.  Since the bond is so important to our fundamental feelings of deep connection, it is profoundly important that the love we express is mutual.  WIthout that, I felt fundamentally flawed for many years.  Without hearing "I love you" back or hearing it first from my mother, until recently, I felt that I was unworthy of real love.  When all is said and done, without confirmation that my own mother loved me, who else ever could?  I believed no one really could.  Think about how difficult it is to tell your family about anything that you fear may lessen the love you receive from family and you will see that the ones we love the most, that we count on for unconditional love, hold the power to make us or break us.  Because it is so fundamentally important to feel mutually loved and accepted by family, fear can make saying "I love you" monumental.  The stakes are so high if the same is not reciprocated, whether intentional or unintentional.  The connection to our families is the most validating, instrumental and powerful message that assures us that we are, in fact, lovable.

    1. CrazedNovelist profile image85
      CrazedNovelistposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting answer, Amy. I hear it on occasion  from family and then in turn I say it back. I never tell my family without them saying it first. Also now the guy I'm seeing says "I love you" and I have this grand fear of saying it back... ??? *crazy*

    2. Amy Becherer profile image74
      Amy Bechererposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe their is some "superstition" involved if you have had a negative experience in the past.  I have a thing about not saying anything too soon, as I'm afraid I'll jinx things.  I think it may bring you a sense of gut level self-protection.

  4. PurvisBobbi44 profile image84
    PurvisBobbi44posted 5 years ago

    My family I love unconditionally so saying “I Love You” is normal for me---and I have done this since I was able to talk and now all my family says it to me sometimes first or sometimes after I say it.

    Saying I love you to friends depends on how close I am to them---my oldest friends are like family so it comes natural with me to say it.

    And as far as saying it to that special someone---I would wait for them to say it first. I suppose it depends how deep the roots of love are embedded in my heart for that person.

    1. CrazedNovelist profile image85
      CrazedNovelistposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Saying I love you to friends is easy for me, at least those I really connect with. Some of my friends are as important to me as family. The special someone has said it, but I'm having trouble saying it back. I'm pretty sure of how I feel. *Confused*

    2. lupine profile image74
      lupineposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      CrazedNovelist - When you are not sure about something or feel confused, it's because you are not ready to accept it. When you say "I Love You" it should be written in cement...not in sand.

  5. profile image0
    JThomp42posted 5 years ago

    Interesting. I have the exact opposite problem. I can tell any family member easily that I love them, but when it comes to friends? It just doesn't happen.

    1. CrazedNovelist profile image85
      CrazedNovelistposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I know a lot of people like that... it's interesting to analyze the reasoning behind it all.

    2. profile image0
      JThomp42posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, It really has made me think.

    3. Lisa HW profile image72
      Lisa HWposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I'm the same.  I've never told a friend that (in fact, I can't even put those words in writing here).  I reserve those three words for only the most meaningful relationships; and as much as I care deeply about friends, they aren't in that group.

  6. jenbeach21 profile image76
    jenbeach21posted 5 years ago

    I have the opposite problem. Saying I love you to family comes very easily to me but not to friends. I usually don't say it at all and when someone says it to me, I usually hesitate and may not respond.

  7. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image99
    TIMETRAVELER2posted 5 years ago

    I think the term "I love you" is used too casually.  Generally when you say it to friends, it isn't an indication of real love, but more a loving friendship...and friendships come and go.

    Family is forever, but family also comes with lots of baggage.  It's not so easy to say "I love you" to people who aggravate you all the time!

  8. lupine profile image74
    lupineposted 5 years ago

    When it comes to family, it is assumed you are loved and demonstrated by actions we do in showing we care about them. It may not be necessary to say "I love you" to a famiy member all the time, but once in a while is nice to hear. With loving relationships, as in significant other, boy/girfriend, husband/wife, etc, it needs to be said more often because it is reassuring and puts all in a better mood. It can only be easily said when you really mean it, if it's hard for you to say...then you aren't ready. You can demonstrate your love by thoughtful gestures and kindness too. "Actions speak louder than words". Don't dwell on it, you could surprise yourself one day and it will just come out...that would be real love. Be patient, time will tell...if you are with someone for a long time and don't feel you can say it, then maybe you should move on and just be friends. You may want to be friends first, so you can say it, then go on to the relationship if appropriate. To me, it has become quite casual to say to friends and takes away from the real meaning.

  9. dghbrh profile image77
    dghbrhposted 5 years ago

    These are precious words for me and i tend to express toward the special one only but not to family and friends. The relationship with family and friends are also special but in a different context and its quite simple that we need them and love them. I rather like to express the care for them. But the relationship with the special one in life ( even hubby) is something that is very delicate emotion in heart so I prefer to express with rite kind of words at rite moment only.
    Thanks

  10. AnnaCia profile image83
    AnnaCiaposted 5 years ago

    In y case, I do let my family know  how much I love them.  I think many people don't do it because they never felt it necessary or were never exposed to do that.  On the other hand, the same people say I love you to friends because they feel good around them …but thats all.

 
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