What have you done to seek the approval of others?
"Sometimes you think it is important what others think of you, and so you work to extract approval from them. However, there really is little that you can do to keep their approval coming - for it is never about you, but about them." - Abraham
Well, Bruce, my friend.....you have asked a question and because I always want to make my contribution, I will answer, as clearly and briefly, as possible.....although, I'm probably not the best candidate to add my 2 cents here......because...
While I believe I'm as agreeable and compliant, as most normal people, going about my business day to day....I admit to being more of an "independent individual," than a whole lot of others.
Clearly, I care the very most that my family and close friends, more or less, "approve" of me and/or the way I choose to be and live my life....because these people and their feelings,certainly matter to me. I would not choose to hurt or disappoint any of them, purposely.
Having said this, I'm not much concerned with anything even vaguely resembling "approval" in terms of the rest of the world. This is an impossibility to achieve, in the first place.
Furthermore, little ole me and my simple, ordinary life, has little, if any major effect upon the "rest of the world." I seriously doubt that my choices and decisions, on a daily basis, concerning how I live, love and share......would cause any sort of "negative ripple effect."
Thus, I can honestly claim to have not ever gone any distance nor effort to literally SEEK approval. I'm a big believer in: "I am who I am, do what I do and follow the rules as best as possible. I will PRETEND to be NO ONE I am truly not...for the sake of appearances or accolades. THAT is definitely not my thing. Love me, like me or do not. I am simply not defined by the whims of others...and can only be true to myself. Further, should someone DISAPPROVE of me or what I do and don't do, the very best thing they can do...is MOVE on....quickly and silently. Because I do not tolerate being judged, reprimanded nor directed by another human being......no matter WHO they may believe they are......The so-called "approval" of others means LESS than Zero, to me....Thanks for the opportunity, Bruce.
I might have guessed this would be your answer. Thing is your humility has always shown through. That's because you A R E you. For many of us life provides these realizations through life lessons. Some of us are still in school...but learning!
The statement is so true! I have sought approval from various people throughout my life.....and, nothing I did was ever good enough. Truly, all we can be is who we are....if we truly like and love our self....then the approval of others has less bearing than at times when we did not like or love our self. The important thing to remember is to be you....show compassion, understanding and a bit of love! Leave the approval problem to the one who thinks they are something they are truly not.
So right Cordelia! Often our need for approval from others lies in our sense of lack in ourselves. Again, still learning! Thank you for your input and honesty!
I agree with your entire comment! I went through a phase where I wanted approval but now it doesn't matter anymore and I know this change came from self approval.
It is so important to know, like and love who we are....sometimes not an easy lesson to learn.....but, one well worth learning!
Everything that I do, my hubby has to approve before i could perform or take actions. Basically, i can't even shop for a decent grocery until he approves them. If i decide to upload my photo at HP, i need to gain his approval before doing so. I don't ask for the approval, they had to be approve before anything is done.
wow -you truly choose no independence? none of my business, but interesting. My husband would never dream of controlling me or having to give me permission for every move I make. I couldn't deal with that at all.
I agree with Christin. My wife has the right to her own choices, even the ones I may not agree with and she is responsible for her own actions, even the ones that affect us both. I trust her because I know she trusts herself. Peace be with you!
Peach.. taking a wild guess that you are of Asian origin.I say that merely becuz, there hasn't been an American woman, in 75 years, who would tolerate such "rabid control," by a husband or ANY man! Hope U R at least happy, though not free to be you.
Unfortunately, I know one non-Asian woman in USA forced to live by the same rules and at her husband's death after 25 years' marriage, she was unable to make decisions, pay bills, buy gasoline, and it's even worse 3 years later. Very bad show.
In my younger years, I always felt pressure to conform, to do whatever it took to get people to like me or approve of me. I always felt awful, like I was never good enough or something was "wrong" with me because I was different.
When I grew up I finally got to a place (thankfully) where I realized and valued my ability to be who I am without apology. I still work hard to compromise with others and be agreeable, so long as it doesn't require me to compromise who I am if that makes sense.
Some people will never be pleased no matter how much you sacrifice for them. Others will love you for who you are and value your quirks and imperfections - I choose to keep the latter in my life .
I do not seek the approval of others. I am me, and that is all I care to be.
The only person in my life that ever made me feel pressured to work at getting approval was my Dad. It just seemed to me that I could never quite reach the pinnacle of approval he was looking for. With everyone else I was always and I am still always me. I have the approval of some and some don't approve of me. That's their bag. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea but then I don't feel I have to be :-)
Early on in my life, I went through a lot of struggle to get approval of others. For my parents it was heartbreakening. Now, I just try to be the best person that I can be by building up my self-esteem and staying true to myself.
My parents were very strict and thought if they gave you praise, you would get a swelled head. That was their term. As I have grown older, I have gained confidence and have lots of friends and relatives who love me for who I am. I am a caring person and seldom try to get others' approval. If people don't like me, it is their loss.
Withholding praise from a child can often make us feel self conscious. It did for me. I too, received little praise from my mother and I often wondered why. Needless to say it took me an awfully long time to figure it out. Happily, I did too!
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