Do you tell on a cheater?

1. 76

   Cantuhearmescreamposted 12 years ago

   Do you tell on a cheater?
   
   If you know for a fact (proof of some kind) that a friend/acquaintance is cheating on another friend/acquaintance do/should you tell the cheater, the cheated or not get involved?

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2. 69

   MarieAlana1posted 12 years ago

   This can be a very important question at times. I believe that if a friend is truly a friend they would tell the friend the truth whether it is good or bad. I would tell my friend and then provide a shoulder for my friend to cry upon.

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   1. 76

      Cantuhearmescreamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks MarieAlana1,
      I don't think I would hesitate to tell a friend, but does it get hairy when you are only acquaintances with a couple? Or do you still tell?

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   2. 69

      MarieAlana1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That's a good question. What would you do?

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   3. 76

      Cantuhearmescreamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      My fear is after comforting the "victim", if they later choose later to reconcile then they may assume that you no longer respect the significant other or feel embarrassed that they returned after having been consoled.  The friendship becomes awkward

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3. 68

   rainpurplewineposted 12 years ago

   I would tell if it's a really good friend someone I deemed important.  If their more of an acquaintance, I would think twice because it may not be worth the possible drama.  Some people don't want to know,and someone already know and have accepted it.  Great question!

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   1. 76

      Cantuhearmescreamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I once hesitated to tell my brother-in-law about his wife's affair but eventually did. I was close with both of them but felt guilty watching him unaware. He was crushed and I helped support him through a seperation... only for them to resolve later

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4. 81

   ketageposted 12 years ago

   First I would tell the cheater, to inform his/her partner that he/she is cheating, if he/she does not fess up, then I will do it for them. I feel that if I want to be a good friend, in this kind of situation, one has to get involved.
   
   It only gets really messy when the couple have children. I would still talk to the cheater, and ask, what the heck was going on. but I would tread more lightly then if the couple were childless.
   
   I have in fact come across this situation, and all parties concerned are still friends of mine. although for a while the friendship was seriously strained.

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   1. 76

      Cantuhearmescreamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Would you find yourself having a hard time confronting the cheater about his/her cheating and insisting he/she fesses up?
      -Sometimes the cheater/cheated sees you as having an "opinion" after they/ve long forgiven the other half.

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   2. 81

      ketageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I did find it very hard to confront the cheater, telling your friend they are doing something that is wrong and giving them an ultimatum does not feel good.
      It was awkward for a while, but all worked out in the end. We are still good friends.

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   3. 76

      Cantuhearmescreamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That's great that it worked out like that. I once spoke up and supported the cheated, we talked about how things would be okay and he'd be better off anyway. Shortly later they "made up" and then I looked like the bad guy. ;-(

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5. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   For me there is a major difference between friend and acquaintance. My friends are like siblings to me. I would inform them. An acquaintance I would not get involved.

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   1. 76

      Cantuhearmescreamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That is the exact thought process I was flirting with. Is it not our obligation when we are not super close with someone to tell them? Others may say wrong is wrong and it needs to be exposed? I appreciate your absolute answer.

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