Should I Tell on Best Friend Wife to Be

1. 0

   awesome77posted 14 years ago

   I have a best friend that is about to get married and I caught the girlfriend cheating on him!
   
   He loves her and thinks she's the one!
   
   He has also cheated on her!
   
   Should I tell him or just observe the train wreck from a distance?
   
   My loyalty is with him, but I hate to be the initiator of the breakup before the wedding!

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   1. 80

      Taleb80posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Dear Awesome77
      Don't cheat them.
      If I were you I will be proud to tell them even if I miss him.
      To lose a friend (If he doesn't understand that it is your duty to save him) better than losing your values.

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   2. 60

      Wintermystposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I suggest you talk to her and tell her you saw her. Tell her if she doesn't tell your friend you will. Maybe she will do the right thing. If you do end up telling your friend tell him you gave her the option first. Good luck

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         Sophia Angeliqueposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Tell.

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      brandonfowler66posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If he cheated on her then she probably found out somehow and is just out for payback, i know your loyalty is with your friend but i would stay out of it since he cheated on her too.

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      Katharellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      From what I have learned, I would not say a word! Someone I know, their husband cheated. Because I said "I'll stand behind you whatever you choose" I ended up being the one that "caused" him to cheat, and I am the one who got blamed!
      
      I agree with Lizzy, let the two of them learn on their own, because I did once have a friend and her husband tried to push the limit on cheating. Somehow I talked him out of it and got away. He told before I had a chance to. The family believed me, but I think it left her not knowing if I was ever going to tell her or not. (I was, I was waiting the right time) But after what I have seen from this cheating, is that you need to just stay out of it! Even if he comes back and says "why didn't you tell me" and your only choice is "you didn't want to be the homewrecker that he needed to learn on his own."
      
      I know I'll never give advice to anyone again, even though HE called me before he cheated and asked me to get her to seek council because SHE was ruining the family. Now it's my fault :;sigh:: so I really don't even want anymore close relationships other than with my own man. And if he cheated, then it'll be up to me to find out.

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   IzzyMposted 14 years ago

   I'm going to disagree with everyone and say don't tell.
   It's not your problem and it's not your relationship. If they have both cheated that is up to them. People cheat for loads of reasons and not all mean that they aren't still in love.
   
   If you tell, you will be the bad one. Be a friend. Be there to pick up the pieces, but don't say a word.

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3. 80

   thisisoliposted 14 years ago

   Hard to decide, it is their private business, but I guess he has the right to know.

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4. 75

   Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

   I'm with Izzy M on this one.
   It's not all that uncommon to sow last wild oats before getting married. Who knows, either/both might not be all that bothered by the idea, or at least not enough to call off the wedding.
   The marriage may, in fact, be a 'train wreck' but it's their 'train wreck' to experience.
   
   If, however, your friend comes to you and expresses doubts about his bride-to-be, listen carefully, and revise your strategy accordingly.

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      habeeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with MM and Izzy, especially since the boyfriend has cheated, too.

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5. 60

   lady_love158posted 14 years ago

   Do you really want to be the one responsible for ending what could become a beautiful relationship?
   
   Who's to say they won't find true happiness after they tie the knot? Besides even if they don't. who are you to assume their actions will ruin their lives?

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6. 61

   mathereseposted 14 years ago

   Very difficult to decide whats the best thing to do. I think you should confront her and tell to tell him what she has done. Having said that he cheated on her as well, you never know it might a revenge

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7. 61

   CYBERSUPEposted 14 years ago

   What do you call cheating?   Could be just a friendly meeting between boy and girl.

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8. 63

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   If he were "some innocent, sweet, person" who would never cheat on her; I can see how difficult a dilemma it could be to decide whether you should tell or not tell.  It looks to me as if they deserve each other.  I wouldn't worry about either of them.  Let them do their thing.  It's their business.  As my mother used to say, "What good for the goose is good for the gander."   

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   yenajeonposted 14 years ago

   I would definitely tell, if your friend means anything to you at all. If were about to get married, I'd want to find out about any kind of cheating before making the biggest mistake of my life. Please tell! You're doing them a huge favor.

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      Lisa HWposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      but...   if you were planning to get married would you cheat on your fiance?    In the case of the OP's best friend, it sure doesn't look to me as if that friend worries a lot about things like "friendship meaning something" (or "engagement" meaning something"), "loyalty" or "honesty".   
      
      If I cheated on my fiance, and my fiance cheated on me, I think I'd more be the type who'd think people ought to mind their business.   

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10. 75

    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    Righ, Lisa!
    Not to mention "ignorance is bliss" and "what you don't know won't hurt you" and any number of other wise sayings !

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11. 81

    LondonGirlposted 14 years ago

    If they are both happily cheating on each other, let them get on with it.

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12. 53

    kmackey32posted 14 years ago

    I would tell. I once told on my best friend even though I didnt like her husband.

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13. 71

    theseusposted 14 years ago

    The proper thing to do is to tell your friend about it. It will hurt, no doubt. But it would be better for him to know the truth now than for him to know after he already tied the knot with the woman. After all what's the guarantee that he will not know about it from somebody else later? Better that he knows about it from a friend than from someone else who does not care for him at all.

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14. 65

    Daniel Carterposted 14 years ago

    Personally, I have done both. I have confronted the dishonest party about the cheating only because they had expectations of a very squeaky clean, monogamous relationship, and violating that would mean the end of the relationship. I didn't go to the other partner and rat the other one out. I just confronted the cheater and told them that if I knew what went on, that others would surely know also. And if that's the case, they better be ready for the consequences. Other than that, my lips were sealed. It's none of my business, except to warn that I was aware, and therefore, others are also.
    
    And then, I have done nothing at all because the couple were never very honest with each other, and pretended they had a monogamous relationship, and were both being dishonest about their lives. It seems pointless to say anything at all in those cases.
    
    And then there are the couples who have a looser idea of a relationship, and they play on the side, and the other knows a little about it, but not much, really. I don't bother at all to have opinions or comments in those cases. I don't need to provide entanglements for them, they have enough of their own.

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    RomanceRealityposted 14 years ago

    If they can't stay faithful to one another, you have to stay out of this train wreck and let them make their own mistakes.
    
    I would say to say something during the vows exchange at the wedding, but everyone may think you are trying to be a jerk.
    
    It sounds like both of them have forgotten the importance of honesty and communication, but that is their problem. Not yours.

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    BabaBooeyposted 14 years ago

    Well if you really care about your friend, and she cheats on him, then you need to hook up with her.  Give her a good going over once and only once.  If she rocks your world, then don't tell your friend what's going because you know that he is being taken care of.  On the other hand, if shes a cold fish in bed, tell him of her cheating ways so he doesn't get stuck with with this pain in the ass.

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       I am DB Cooperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       It's like you took the words right out of my mouth.

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       logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       The wisdom of Solomon!

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    Disturbiaposted 14 years ago

    I'd be interested to know exactly how you happened to "catch" your friend's girlfriend cheating? You say he cheated on her too, so what difference does it make if she cheated on him?  They are 1 for 1, and neither one of them can be trusted.
    
    My opinion is that you stay out of it and mind your own business. Let these two people find their own way and don't cause drama where it doesn't need to be. If they want to play true confessions, that's their own business. If they want to keep their little secrets, well that's their business too.
    
    And what makes you think this marriage will be a train wreck unless there are other factors you have not presented.

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    fiksy02posted 14 years ago

    I think you should face the dishonest party and demand that they sud tell the other person. your friend is surely going to be angry if he finds out later on that you knew such secret and did not tell him.

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    ssaulposted 14 years ago

    hmm very touchy area, i would advice not to directly tell your friend because you can end up being the bad guy. comfort the wife to be and let her know you know, scare her by giving an ultimatum hopefully she would tell before you do. if she doesn't make an unanimous  phone call to your friend or send an email, this way you will most likely have you friendship with your friend

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    1. 0

       awesome77posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I was thinking about sending  an email or just send a postcard from ......

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