Do you feel threatened by your spouses/partners ex and their children?
If you date someone who is divorced, do you feel threatened if your current partner remains on good terms with his/her ex? Isn't that preferable than dealing with ex-spouses who refuse to communicate and put the kids in the middle? Why do some people insist on no communication between former spouses, especially if both spouses have moved on?
Absolutely not, I think its a very good thing if parents keep a rational, healthy relationship with one another regardless of the circumstances/who they are with. If your dating someone with kids, you should understand that, they are a parent first, your significant other 2nd. Children are the only ones that end up getting hurt from hostile/unstable relationships between their parents.
When I've dated women in the past who were divorced and had children I never felt threatened. Call it (ego) but I've always felt like I was an "upgrade". LOL!
Seriously I would rather be with someone who has worked out a good working relationship with their ex concerning their children than to be with someone who is constantly complaining about their ex, going to court to fight for child support, or using their children as pawns to hurt one another. Simply put I hate drama.
Having said that I can understand how someone might be jealous of their mate spending a lot of time with their ex as a "family".
Several years ago a friend of mine was dating a woman while he was divorced from his wife who resided in Denmark with their two children. One summer she decided to come visit him with the children for a month long visit. His girlfriend lived in the same apartment complex. Essentially he told her that he would not be able to see her for a month because he did not want to confuse his kids or risk upsetting his ex. According to him he slept on the sofa for the entire month.
During that period he did take the kids along with his ex to amusement parks, beach outings, movies, dinners, and they swam in the apartment complex swimming pool. When his ex and the children flew back to Denmark he spoke with the girl he was dating and she said she was done with him. My friend felt like this girl should have understood he wanted to make sure that his little kids had a quality visit with him and she should have been understanding.
When I asked him if it had been the "other way around" would he have been as understanding and he claims that he would have. If I'm being honest and I were in a situation where my girlfriend put me on ice for a month and her ex was spending all that time overnight with her and their kids.... I would not have put my life on hold either.
My situation is not the norm. We have full custody of my 7 year old stepson. The bio mom is what I personally consider a dead-beat. She developed a major drug problem and basically dumped the 7 yr old off on us when he was barely 5. I have not and will never speak badly of her to my stepson, she has not made any contact in over a year (which at this point I believe is better for him and honestly for me too, I'm working on forgiveness but honestly I still despise everything about her), he does miss her and the siblings she had with other men. We recently got 1 support payment, and I've heard she is in recovery, and this is a blessing for her and all of her kids. Obviously my situation is different, but for the most part, I think it's best for adults to remain amicable for the sake of the children. I personally would draw the line though if my husband wanted to hang out with his ex (they were never married) or her family. When people move on, they need to respect the boundaries of their current spouse. There is no need to be mean or belligerent, but there is also no need to be overly friendly. In my opinion, the best thing to do is to focus on what is best for any children involved. If there are no children involved, then there is no need to continue the relationship on any terms really. Maybe a casual hello, or phone conversation but that's about it.
I never felt threatened at any time he made his choice and the rest is history
by Stu 6 years ago
I have always wondered how people cope with their significant other remaining very good friends with one of their exes? Thoughts?
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