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Husbands: What would your wife have to do to "win you back" if you were attracte

  1. Billie Kelpin profile image88
    Billie Kelpinposted 2 years ago

    Husbands: What would your wife have to do to "win you back" if you were attracted to someone else?

    I'm going to start a novel (November is National Novel Writing Month- nanowrmo). What, besides the expected answer of "more time in bed", so to speak, would DAZZLE you out of a swirling whirlpool of falling in love with another women.(Wives this is only an IMAGINARY question). My character needs to win her husband back.  Please don't write a philosophical comment about having chosen the wrong partner in the first place, etc. I'm looking for serious ways that women get their husbands back. Pls think about physical, emotional, financial, social kinds of changes a wife could make. Cheers, Billie

  2. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 2 years ago

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/12715297_f260.jpg

    I believe there are 3 basic reasons why people don't cheat.
    1. They're "in love"
    2. They don't want do anything to risk losing their mate.
    3. They can imagine how'd they'd feel if she cheated.
    Most cheaters however aren't looking to replace one relationship with another. By and large cheaters are looking to "complement" what they already have. They want to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. 
    In essence people cheat in order to STAY or tolerate an exiting relationship. They always had the option to leave but whatever is "missing" has not risen to the level of divorce in their mind.
    I believe there are 3 basic types of cheaters.
    1. The Incessant Cheater - He/she gets bored very easily. They're always looking for the excitement that comes with being with someone "new". Their motto is: "Variety is the spice of life!"
    For them marriage & monogamy are the equivalent of going on a very strict diet. People on strict diets usually end up cheating. There's nothing a wife can to do to keep an Incessant Cheater loyal.
    He'll stay if she's ok with sharing!
    2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater - They're not proactively looking to cheat. They may have had a secret crush on someone they considered to be out of their league or while on a business trip a beautiful woman actually "hit on them"! The opportunity fell into their lap! They caved to temptation at the chance to make fantasy a reality.
    It's not unheard of for this type of cheater to feel an immense amount of guilt when they get back home. They may bend over backwards to shower their spouse with gifts and kind gestures. Some have been known to confess weeks, months, or years later. He's not leaving.
    3. The Discontented Cheater - He/she blames you!
    Essentially you stopped doing something or you started doing something that caused them to emotionally/physically withdraw from you. Maybe it's lack of sexual connection, being taken for granted, letting your body go, never put effort into seducing him/showing you're attracted to him, constantly complain without ever praising.
    If someone reaches the point of actually leaving it's because they've fallen "out of love" with you. It would be very hard to "win him back".
    You'd have to (buy into the belief it was your fault) he cheated!
    Become his {best friend}, the person he fell for, have a positive attitude, & look great! This may cause him to "romanticize the past".

  3. MizBejabbers profile image90
    MizBejabbersposted 2 years ago

    Absolutely nothing. If he wants her, he can have her. I wouldn't bother to read a novel about a masochistic wife who will go to any lengths to win back a non-deserving man. Or vice versa.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      It begs the question: Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?  In order for him to be "the one" he'd have to see (you) as being the one! At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually wants to be with you!

    2. MizBejabbers profile image90
      MizBejabbersposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Righto!

    3. Billie Kelpin profile image88
      Billie Kelpinposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Dr. Scott Halzman Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association wrote and speaks on "The Secrets on Surviving Infidelity".  It is his view, and mine, that often affairs happen "in relatively good marriages" and ALMOST accidentally.

    4. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      "Accidentally"? At some point two people exchanged contact information, had discussions, met secretly for dates, held hands, embraced, kissed, and (chose to have sex).
      An accident would be a mistake in identity.
      I thought you were my wife! :-)

  4. Jodah profile image91
    Jodahposted 2 years ago

    Men (and women for that matter) often cheat because there is a breakdown in communications between them. When they first meet they have so many things to talk about and learn from each other, can joke and have fun...over the years this is sometimes lost, and they may meet someone else who "sparks" this again.
    If his wife (original love) can somehow rekindle this, and if deep down he still loves her..she can win him back.

    1. Billie Kelpin profile image88
      Billie Kelpinposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks, John. I have the character subtly putting up old pictures, talking about their history together, reminiscing. The hardest part of doing that is the pain when it happens. I know this sounds futile, but I'm convinced this is not impossible.

    2. Jodah profile image91
      Jodahposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      certainly not impossible. Good luck.

    3. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      "if deep down he still loves her..she can win him back."
      - Excellent point!
      That's a big (if)! In the U.S. (women) initiate 66% or 2/3rds of all divorce filings. Mistresses are warned husbands never leave their wives. If he's gone it's serious!

  5. word55 profile image72
    word55posted 2 years ago

    Open her mind and get more freaky with him in the bedroom. Learn and try something new that he'd not expect of you. Love is about being creative enough for the relationship not to get dull. Use more sexual overtones in the things that you do but be as naturally sexy as possible. Treat every day as if it's the first day that you saw or fell in love with him. In other words, there must be freshness and newness returned in the relationship. For him to be attracted to someone else represents a difference and newness. Find out everything that he likes in the bedroom or in life then do your best to try them on him. Be not afraid. Don't just drop the clothes and open up but work him up. There are some things on a woman that can supersede Viagra for him so, go for it!

    1. Billie Kelpin profile image88
      Billie Kelpinposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks word55.  I'll see if my character can do that.  The setting is about 1985 before Viagra smile  I was looking for some things that got to the psyche of the husband, but of course, the physical probably opens the door to the psyche smile !

    2. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not sure how many men would actually leave their wives if sex was the only issue. I imagine most would be content with cheating as opposed to moving out of their home into an apt. filing for divorce, paying child support, being a weekend dad

    3. Billie Kelpin profile image88
      Billie Kelpinposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      We all get it, Dashing! The wife didn't fulfill her husbands needs. She failed. She recognizes her selfishness. Mea Culpa. THIS character iin THIS book recognizes WHERE her husband's angst comes from and chnages it up because much is at stake.

    4. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Billie, Sometimes it's (him) and not her!
      I know that's an old cliché but people have been known to gradually grow apart. The wife may have kept doing all the things he once loved but he is now discontent or wants someone unlike her!

 
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