Milennials: Tell Me Why Dont You Want To Be in a Relationship?

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   Is society meeting your needs that a real longtime relationship cant today? Is it because technology hasnt enabled you to have the patience to put in the work it takes to become a long term love/friend's team? What do you think will happen to our future population/s if we stay as single units only crossing over for a few hours of sex at night or here and there? What happens when pregnacy happens and the you get it that the practicalities of being both mother and mother is in the too hard basket? What can we do to help you to want to enjoy relationships again? What structural changes need to be made do you think?

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      The0NatureBoyposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      There are several kind of "Millennials" according to my understanding,
      1) Those expecting civilization to end who know man must return to ecological living.
      2) Those expecting the rapture soon and don't see any reason for marriage.
      3) Those who are married to their lifestyle as "players".
      
      There may be others but those are three I know of and I am a number oner whose understanding of ecological living is all man lives alone - our only work is to maintain ourselves and - due to karma boys and girls are required to gender change and experience both fathering and mothering since the child nurses for 12 years - which consist only of how to obtain air, food, water and wisdom enough to get it. Our behavior is very much like cats and dogs, the smell of a girl's ovulation for boys and knowing she is ready to become a parent for girls, that smells every other place another man left their body waste in search of a recent passerby. Also, they have to practice living ecological to qualify entering "Armageddon" as the sale heaven from the "Great Tribulation" and because they are told they must "forsake everything civilization has to offer". Those are my reasons.
      
      Number twos don't want to be raptured and leave a child unweaned behind.
      
      The number threes doesn't care for anything but their sexual and other gratifications.
      
      That is my take on the subject

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         threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Interesting take Elijah. Have to sit a while with what you have described.
         Peace to You.

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      poppyrposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      We're not all like that. I'm 25, in a two-year relationship and can't wait to get married

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         threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Sounds like things are well and good poppyr.
         You have to let us know when the wedding (or elopement) takes place.

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            poppyrposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Aww thanks Charmaine!
            Hopefully this year >: )

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               threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               How beautiful...Wish you both happiness and a wonderful life.

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                  poppyrposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  Thank you so much! He is my everything.

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      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Honestly I don't believe there is a real difference between Milennials and "Baby Boomers". During the 1960s older generations were afraid for the future as "baby boomers" embraced the lifestyle of being "hippies", "free love", and recreational drug use: Tune in & drop out.
      Our mantra was: "Don't trust anyone over 30!"
      
      We rebelled against authority, protested, and questioned our government.
      We were on the frontline of Civil Rights and Women's Rights protest.
      This generation went on to create companies like Microsoft, Apple, Amazon, Oracle Software, Dell Computers and so on.
      
      Better birth control, career opportunities, and higher income for women made it possible for them not to make marriage a "top priority".
      Removal of the "old maid" "pre-marital sex","single mother"  and "divorced" stigmas gave people the option to live life on their terms without needing someone else's approval. No more "shaming" allowed.
      
      Ultimately the world didn't "come to an end". It simply changed.
      Maybe it's human nature for every generation to believe their generation was the last great one. The future is always filled with uncertainty.
      We also tend to see what we want to see as opposed to looking for proof that all is not lost. Usually the  80/20 rule applies to most things in life..
      Twenty percent of the people will provide 80% of the leadership.
      
      According to statistics by age 44 over 85% of men have been married at least once. Odds are with the passing of marriage equality laws we're likely to see that number climb even higher. In the U.S. alone 2.3 million weddings take place every year!
      Access to "free sex" hasn't killed marriage. Delay doesn't = elimination.
      
      Most people still hope to grow old with a spouse or mate.
      The only difference between today's generation and previous generations is how much longer it is taking for them to (want to be independent).
      These days a lot of parents are not (forcing) them out of the nest!

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   psycheskinnerposted 7 years ago

   I think most people in any generation with have a romantic partner because that is what most people want.  Some, like me, who don't want that now have the freedom to stay single without being considered a freak--by most people anyway.  In the past I would have been a "spinster" or a nun or get married even though I didn't want to because it is expected or an economic necessity. Now I can just do what I want simply because that is what I want.

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   Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years ago

   One part of it is that millennials are tired of the materialistic aspects of marriage. Too many corny rom-coms and BS jewelry advertising. Suddenly the size of a gem represented the value of a person. If we reel the clock back to their predecessors (Gen-X, Boomers), that's where we see more divorces and splitting of families. There hasn't been a very good example set of what it means to be vigilant in a committed relationship.
   
   On the other hand, kids these days are living on the spur of the moment. Relationships may as well be a synonym for mundane to them. The concept of a traditional relationship lacks excitement and novelty. We live in a very visually stimulating universe, especially with the internet. People can select their peers and partners like they're shopping for a new pair of shoes. The landscape is changing dramatically. It's hard to say whether any of this is inherently good or bad, although, I would argue that when cultures develop a casual attitude toward sex, it will undoubtedly result in catastrophe whether it's biological or psychological.
   
   (I'm a late millennial, btw. Born 1988)

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      Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Oh and lets not forget that the consequences of divorce are absolutely harrowing. The legal process takes years and drains each person emotionally and financially. Some people find clever ways to vacuum up everything their partner has. It's absolutely devastating. So the prospect of something going wrong down the road is a pretty big deterrent as well.

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      nikatinaposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, well written. I definitely agree with you on this.

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         Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks!

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   psycheskinnerposted 7 years ago

   I'm not even a millennial and I am sick of people bitching about them.  It's basically the same things old people have always said about less old people--while leaving them with more debt, less security and a more messed up planet to deal with.  The problem isn't them, it's us.

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      Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      There's some truth to that but millennials are making mistakes. That's inarguable. No group of people is infallible or superior. Does some of it have to do with the mistakes of their forbearers? Sure.
      
      Just a heads up. Whenever being sick of something has to do with other people being sick of something, it's an obvious contradiction. As if you are the only person that's allowed to be sick of something lol.

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         threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Jess and psychskinner I wasnt blaming milennials.
         Its us, who went before.
         I guess my fear is that we could be directly or indirectly teaching/showing those to be less emotional or uncaring towards another.
         How can we bring that back?
         I saw a doco on a particular video game conference. I was taken aback. It was HUGE! And when the camera panned around it was largely males. The games of violent virtual reality. Ideas are ideas. We dont need to keep numbing ourselves to the  pain within us or others. Do we?
         Where do we go from here?

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            Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            I'm having trouble understanding where the male population in the gaming industry comes into this topic.
            
            If you wanna talk about games and relationships, look at the island of Japan whose birth rate has been declining rapidly over the last 5 years because AI companions have become so integrated with their culture.

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               threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               Hi Jess I went iff on a tangent. Basically just how do we keep the heart alive?
               If we protect our hearts so its largely closed off we we wont be empathetic/caring to the next person. Imagine everyone completely self centered. If you can get into a tribe great. That may protect you from negative actions of another. But then if we all dont care about anyone else but ourselves being in a tribe is ineffectual. Every person will be a stand alone unit. I dont know about you but I need others strength or resources to make my life/relationships work. What about you?

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                  Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  I'm not sure the apprehension of relationships on part of the younger generation has anything to do with rogue behavior. I would wager that the same people who feel indifferent to relationships are the same people who collectively fight against other forms of injustice - real or imagined.

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               threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               Yes Jess heard about Japan. Do you think its the way to go?

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                  Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  I honestly don't know. Humans are already technically cybernetic beings. We upload information that we normally store in our brains into the devices we carry around with us.
                  
                  At some point, we'll just have to accept it, whatever transformation is currently underway.

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   Joshua Crowderposted 7 years ago

   Being single is so easy.  I have a zero chance of getting my heart ripped out and don’t answer to anyone.  For that matter, I cannot blame millennials or myself. It’s not just millennials though.  Lots of boomers are getting divorced adding to single population.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      True Joshua.  Being out of relationship; and skimming, can breathe in a sense of ease.
      What happens if you're not on top of your game or something brings you down, or your income vanishes too long so that you keep thinking I will be sleeping under the stars. How would you deal with that either now or when it happens?

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   blueheronposted 7 years ago

   Family formation had a high value in the past. For the parents of the baby boomer generation, family formation had been deferred for about 20 years--first during the Great Depression and second by WWII. The earliest cohort of the baby boomers were on course to continue to value family formation very highly, but numerous social changes intervened.
   
   I don't think you can have successful family formation unless it is very highly valued--i.e., more highly valued than consumer goods and a relatively carefree single life--valued so highly that one is willing to make immense personal sacrifices, totally devoting their lives to others.
   
   These are values that have become uncommon.
   
   Which will give you happiness and fulfillment? There are no guarantees, either way.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmmm...no, there are no guarantees either way.
      So, blueheron, what do you think millennials would see as the top 3 factors/draw cards that would encourage them to be with someone for an indefinite period?

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      Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Apt

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   daydreamsposted 7 years ago

   Where do you get the idea that millennials don't want to be in a relationship? Is this based off some statistics?
   
   I am a millennial and I haven't noticed people I know avoiding relationships. Sure some people might and that's their choice, but I think there is a lot of rubbish in the media about "millennials".

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      Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah, anything outside your purview must be rubbish.
      
      I've never seen malaria and no one I know has had to deal with it, therefore it must be false.

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         daydreamsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         I'm wasn't saying it's false, so I'm asking what it's based on- e.g. what is the evidence that supports this. There is a lot of stuff written about millennials that is just trying to sell news/get people to click regardless whether it is really true, so it is right to ask about the evidence.
         
         The question is directed at millennials and asking for my experience, and its also not my experience as most people of my age and under I know do want a relationship. That doesn't mean I think that other people don't have different experiences!

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            Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Okay. Well, I understand the apprehension because there is quite a lot of sensationalism happening these days, especially online. But its a big wide world and a lot is happening.
            
            I'm going to list some key points that might put things into perspective that are more or less self-evident to anyone who cares to pay attention. There isn't going to be cold hard data for every social phenomenon out there.
            
            1. "Gender identities" are expanding. (At the whim of a particular group of college-age millennials)  The more we blur the line between male and female, the less clear it is how people are supposed to interact with each other sexually or intimately.
            
            2. In keeping with this new social-constructionist narrative, having best friends is also going out of vogue because it's by definition "non-inclusive" to others.
            
            3.. Dating apps like Tinder have taken all the romance and profundity out meeting partners. Not to mention the lack of discipline not to have sex on the first date.
            
            4. Polyamory and cuckoldry are also on the rise. What started out as a non-slut shaming campaign turned into a full-blown inclination to have multiple partners. I've seen this myself with some high school aged kids that I know. It's not uncommon for a young girl to have boyfriend X, boyfriend Y, and boyfriend Z.
            
            I wish this was hyperbole but some of us have been paying close attention to this stuff because it affects our lives and we fear the loss of traditional values.
            
            Having said all that, I'm not on board with any witch hunt against millennials. I'm one myself. I think we are insanely sophisticated and have lots of potential. This is the period of our growing pains as a younger society. There will always be a rivalry. But we can't pretend that we are just victims to a big mean system and that everyone else is to blame for our troubles. We have some growing up to do yet.

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   Hey daydream to you feel the millenials feel optimistic in having and making one main relationship work? Or, do you see it being more realistic that people change and grow so may need to be in 3 marriages/committed relationships at least over their lifetime?

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      daydreamsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I don't know. Most people I know do start relationships and want them to work a long time, maybe not in their twenties but at least when they get older if they want to have children etc.
      I don't think most people set out to get divorced or go through 3 marriages, but maybe people are more likely to leave a marriage/long term relationship if they become unhappy and it is easier than it has been in the past, and perhaps people have higher expectations re. being happy in a relationship. But as someone pointed out I don't speak for all millennials. I also don't think all millennials are the same.

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         threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Daydream I know you cant speak for millenials. But you are a millenial and that is important to me.
         I think what you said-having higher expectations for having happiness in their lives.
         This makes sense.
         Making that happiness and having/keeping that happiness for a long or short time, is a guess for anyone.
         I do feel there are cultural/value changes with each generation and this is due to what ideas government/researches /media start pumping through the public servant pipelines into our everyday life.

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   Aime Fposted 7 years ago

   Oh, I wasn’t aware we were being labeled as emotionless and uninterested in relationships now. That’s a new one. How fun!
   
   I’m a millennial who was married at 25 and in relationships pretty much back-to-back since I was 15. Most of my millennial friends are now married as well or in long-term relationships. I truly have no idea what you’re talking about.

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      Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah we were talking about you, specifically!
      
      God forbid people make generalizations to abbreviate their talking points. If it doesn't have anything to do with you, then move on!
      
      Do you ACTUALLY believe we mean EVERY SINGLE millennial? Seriously?

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         Aime Fposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         The thread was addressed to millennials. The OP was asking millennials for their opinions. As a millennial I gave my opinion based on my own experiences. Calm down.

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            Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            I'm calm. You didn't give an opinion, you gave the typical "I'm offended response".
            
            What's more, when you say "I truly have no idea what you’re talking about", that sounds a lot like what people say when they deny the existence of racism. It's never been an acceptable counter-argument. It's just ignorance.
            
            You cant just paint a full picture of the world based only on what you've seen and experienced. That's why we have discussions like this to compare and contrast different experiences. You did that to some degree but rested heavily on the label. How else are we supposed to be talking about this? Boomers aren't doing any of these things. Gen X isn't doing this - much. There are characteristics of certain generations that we have to talk about.

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               Aime Fposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               Okay. Well I apologize that my coming off as offended has offended you, apparently.
               
               I’m well aware that you cannot form whole opinions based on subjective experiences. The title of the thread was “Millennials: Tell me why you don’t want to be in a relationship” which is a subjective question... that I answered subjectively.

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                  Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  I'm not offended. I'm facing your facile argument head-on.

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                  Jessie L Watsonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  I just re-read the OP title. Fair enough. I apologize.  It did seem to target millennials in a strange way but it pays to read deeper into the discussion.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Aime I have never thought or said milennials are emotionless. But You are our future leaders. I just worry that ALL generations presently living are perhaps becoming a little to detached.
      And that makes me worry about say the caring fields in our society. For instance I have noticed a shift in the personalities that are being attracted to nursing. (eg.) There is more a mechanistic, unfeeling approach. And I wonder if the Hippocractic oath is ever a part of the healing operandus anymore. I know I have gone off on a tangent again. But our feeling nature goes everywhere with us, whether its in our personal relationships, our jobs/careers...
      Do you know what I mean?

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         Aime Fposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         I understand what you mean but I honestly have not experienced that being an issue with millennials specifically.

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            threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            That's fine, Aime
            Its great to hear different perspectives and experiences from you and those moving towards leadership positions in the near future.
            Jessie made some good comments about the blurring of gender mixes and there being more polymory styled relationships etc.
            I guess we are all going to be playing it by ear.
            On a personal note  in a intimate relationship? I am not one for sharing. But I have have had friends, work colleagues and supervisors who have struggled through their same sex gender lifestyle or lifestyle to be. (I think I have gone off on another tangent)

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    Venkatachari Mposted 7 years ago

    My son feels it's the lack of spark or the first appeal that counts. He is 39 tomorrow. But, not finding any girl of his liking. He thinks everybody as self-centered and materialistic and they lack the true love that he wants. I think technology has destroyed the humanity.

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       threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       Its the detachment, the emotional detachment brought on by the technological advances and  the breakdown of the group into the individual unit. Thats my guess. Over simplified..
       So do we need to bring  in written personal/ vision contracts, so people feel they can take a risk and have their back covered if the relationship or the main pairing falls down?
       Happy Birthday! to your son for tomorrow, Venkatachari

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          Venkatachari Mposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          Thanks for your greetings to my son. I am waiting patiently for a good news of his marriage.

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       The0NatureBoyposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       I agree with you, Venkatachari, "technology has destroyed the humanity" from what we know it to be. That allows those qualified to transition back to environmental living for replenishing the earth for the "spiritual" civilization to condition themselves to environmental living. If my interpretation of the Bible and other symbols are correct we have, from this year, 10 years for completing it and only about 50% of the 10% of man population to survive will qualify by practicing how to live environmentally once the "son of man" brings world peace to allow them to. That is why I'm constantly harping on learning "environmental living."

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