my boyfriend is a real jealous one...

1. 59

   heartbroken2010posted 14 years ago

   I've been in a relationship for nearly 12months and its mostly been arguments since day one.
   i have a daughter to another man who is deceased and my current boyfriend doesn't seem to accept her. im due to have another child in a few weeks and he still doesnt seem interested. im not saying at all that i dont love him, but i think that we will end very quickly if things dont start to pick up.
   i dont know who i can turn to for help and i feel like im alone.
   if anyone has this problem can they help?
   i talk to a couple of my ex boyfriends as they are great friends, and easy to get along with, but he cant accept that.
   someone help??????

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   1. 71

      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If this relationship has been mostly arguments from the beginning, what in the world made you have a child or create a child, with this individual? First mistake, learn from it and move on.
      
      That is probably because he really isn't interested in becoming a father and doesn't want the responsibility, but would rather control, who you are and who you can associate with. Second mistake, should have known beforehand, but now learn from it and move on.
      
      You say it "will end very quickly if things don't start to pick up". I found this statement to have no meaning in it. Is he suppose to know what it is that needs to be "pick" up? Are you even aware of the proper way to make a relationship work? Does he know how to control himself? Does he even know how to make a relationship work? Is he mature enough to handle the responsibility of being a father? There are simply too many things that can make a relationship go bad and most of the time, it's always coming from those who don't understand completely how to make a relationship last.
      
      You seem to be asking a question, which most outside help cannot answer or even begin to answer, without more information, to form a valued response.
      
      This was your third mistake, just in this one rant. You went to your ex-boyfriends for help to figure out "HOW TO" keep your relationship from failing? This single step was completely foolish and had no reason with merit.
      
      Your ex's are ex's for a reason with merit. How could their words, influence or anything else really matter? It doesn't because you failed with them, like you're failing with this one now.
      
      As you can see, I am putting a lot of the blame on you, and not so much on him, but the truth of the matter is you're both foolish for creating a relationship, for which, you both knew wasn't going to be equal mutual for both parties. The problem is that neither of you bother to look at each other objectively, so as to see things, that which, you would normally have caught.
      
      Jealous is an emotion, like all others. It can eat away at someone, should their own moral integrity be flimsy or weak. Jealous can ruin more than just a relationship, when released on the world, it can detrimental destroy people's existence.
      
      This is something you should have learned before the relationship continued to where there is a child, introduced into the mix.
      
      In other words, you have created ONE of the worse situations, you could have possibly ever been in(the worse is you could be dead, but you're not which is a good thing) and now you are looking for help.
      
      I may or may not have helped with your situation, but then again, your situation isn't unique or cannot be handled by yourself, should you really want to address the issue. I suggest you take a longer look at yourself, your understanding of life and then look at him and decide if that is how you want to spend the rest of your life handling(his jealousy).
      
      Should you decide to manage his jealousy from your side of the relationship, then you have only restricted your life, and possibly who you are?
      
      Just some thoughts for you to weigh. Thank you.

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2. 61

   theirishobserver.posted 14 years ago

   ex-boyfriends are never a good idea, no excuses, especially if you already know your man is the jealous type, women/men sometimes use ex to tease, you know, your a woman of the world, why should he show interest just becasue your having a baby, if he is not interested before baby he wont be interested after, look around you......and now go and see my recipe for Irish steak....this advise is not free....go on now

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   1. 61

      Madison22posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You are too cute irishobserver. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. Oh and yeah good advice you gave to the girl, good way to save her arse:-). Now where exactly does one get the recipe for the steak? I need to cook one for my irish man.

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3. 82

   CMHypnoposted 14 years ago

   If there wasn't a baby involved, I would say dump him.
   
   I think you have to question yourself as to why you got pregnant so quickly in a new relationship with a guy who wasn't into forming a bond with the child you already have?  You can only have been going out with him a couple of months before you conceived, not long enough to really know him.
   
   Have you sat him down and talked to him about how he feels about being a father and what he feels his responsibilities will be?  Was it a planned pregnancy or an accident?  The only way you will get things sorted is by communicating.

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4. 0

   Justine76posted 14 years ago

   Im sorry but "love is all you need" just isnt true. You need to talk to him, expalain your feelings, concerns, and needs, but not in a way so that he feels attacked.

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5. 88

   IzzyMposted 14 years ago

   I'd be very worried if I was in a relationship where the guy did not accept my small daughter. I think for her sake, as well as the new baby's, you should consider getting rid of him, but make sure he pays maintenance for the new baby.

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6. 67

   TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years ago

   Of course, I can't really know what's going on in your situation, but there are a few things I think you should know given what you've said:
   
   If there are daily (or frequent) arguments in a home where your child lives, the state considers that abuse. Living in an environment where there is constant yelling, anger, and issues that go unresolved is unhealthy for a child of any age, including the one in your womb.
   
   And here is something to think about:
   
   In my opinion, no one has the right to tell you who your friends are, HOWEVER, if you already know this guy is the jealous type (which presents some problems and questions of its own)--then you know it's going to URK him to DEATH when you call an -ex. Are you creating unnecessary drama? I'm not saying he's justified in his jealousy...But be honest with yourself (you don't have to answer here)...Do you sometimes, on some level call that ex because you're pissed at BF and on some level you KNOW it will get you the "interest" you're looking for, even if it's negative attention? If even a little tiny piece of you says yes...Do you think you could tell BF that...no yelling, no arguing, no blaming, just being honest about your feelings? Can you say to him "I feel lonely, I feel like you don't trust me, I feel...however you feel...I sometimes do this just to get your attention."? Again, you don't have to answer in public. Just think on these things for yourself, okay?
   
   And please don't get me wrong, I am not saying either of you is right or wrong or anything; I'm just wondering if that level of communication is possible, and if you've tried it. It takes two to tango...if the answer is no, you can't say those things then that ought to tell you something, because in a healthy relationship you can.
   
   Do you really love this guy? I know from experience that can sometimes be a very difficult question. Are you dependent on this man or if you weren't with him, would you need to be dependent on another man? I wonder how old you are. I wonder what things were like when you were a child. Do you notice any similarities between your childhood and your relationship now? If you do...how does that make you feel?
   
   You DO NOT have to answer these questions in public or to me, but I am begging you to answer them for yourself. There are many more that you could examine as well.
   
   These are the kinds of questions that a counselor or a therapist might help you explore and find the answers to. Among many others. Understanding the answers to some of these questions might help you figure out what you want to do about this situation. I really think that you and your boyfriend...and ESPECIALLY THE CHILDREN need to be seeing counselors.
   
   If you like, why not try looking into a mental health clinic in your area; there are many counselors (LMHC, LMFT) and Psychologists (LCP, I think!) who take payment based on your income and how much you're able to pay. Try to find someone to talk to. Please.

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7. 38

   efeguyposted 14 years ago

   complicated.
   
   {1]talking to your ex,not idea since his jealous.
   
   {2}him not accepting your child very bad
   
   {3}getting pregnant,not ok due to the circumstances both of you are
   
   {4}endure for the un born baby safe
   
   if not i would have suggest you quit since there is no happiness from what you said,but for the baby give it a little time.
   
   but when issues keep coming after you put to birth i advice you quit.

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8. 63

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Not sure whose baby you are expecting. Can make some difference...

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9. 65

   prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago

   oh chin up, ok, dont worry too much because you are pregnant,
   
   if He doesnt like you to talk to your ex, respect that and try to talk to your friends--girls, parents, instead etc. If he cant accept your own baby and him, there is really something wrong with him, try to work it out until the baby arrives, just maybe he will change, theres no way you can be in an unstable relationship, you will have another child soon,
   
   always think of the best for your children, then you because your children needs you, If worst comes to worst, then just go on your own way, you can do it,

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   1. 49

      GeneralHowitzerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hi guys sorry for the disruption...
      
      @pdh >>> my adsense page impression is not moving hayz, kindly check yours if it okay hehehe xenxa na for bothering you...

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      1. 65

         prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         GH, I answered back in your forum, how are you hope your doing good there in the Phils.

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         1. 49

            GeneralHowitzerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I am not doing well here nyahahaha finding hard times to meet both ends meet here but just fine overall...

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            1. 65

               prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               ok GH, times are harder yes, I hope things will get better kabayan,

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10. 60

    avangendposted 14 years ago

    If he will not accept your baby, then you need to move on. If he is unable to put aside his selfishness for the sake of a child that you love, then there is an impasse there, and he cannot truly love you. Your heart belongs in a large way to your child, and he must embrace that part of your life as well if this relationship will be successful.

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11. 60

    Alessia Amnesiaposted 14 years ago

    There are a few questions you need to answer for yourself in this situation:
    
    1. What made you want to have a relationship with a man who does not want to form a bond with your daughter?
    
    2. What made you want to be in a relationship that is nothing but arguments?
    
    3. Why would you be having a baby with a man who doesn't want to form a bond with your already existing daughter and who argues with you 24/7?
    
    4. Why do you go to your ex-boyfriends for advice? Isn't there a reason they are ex-boyfriends and do you really think that, since your relationship with them didn't work out, that they are the right people to be giving you advice about your current relationship?
    
    5. Are you willing to risk your children's happiness and your own happiness to be with a man who doesn't want to bond with the children and constantly argues with you?
    
    I think you already know the solution for this problem. It may not be the solution you wanted, but since you are a mother, you have to think about your kids.

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12. 60

    Jeramiposted 14 years ago

    My best suggestion to you would be to say....   Pretend that you are sitting in the living room of one of your friends;
    and they said what you said in your post.
       Your best friend said this to you!!   You know all of the inside scoop!
       What would bee your advice to her???

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13. 65

    marcel285posted 14 years ago

    If you still talk to your ex's, and your bf don't like it, that's heavy disrespect.
    
    If you can't talk to your bf about these problems, then it's probably not true love. Probably is love if your concerned, but he's probably not THE ONE for you.

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14. 71

    waynetposted 14 years ago

    Sell him on ebay and Forget all about him, seems like a tosswipe!

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