20 yr.old daughter recorded stepdad talking nasty to her

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   firedupposted 14 years ago

   My daughter voice recorded my husband whom i just married last year but have been with for 11+ years her stepfather saying how he wasnt attracted to me since he thought i had sex with someone else 5 years prior to this happening,and he said he had been wanting to be with her since she was younger & when she told me about it he lied to me and said it never happened until i told him that he was caught on tape the thing i dont understand is they hate each other she has done alot of things in the past to the both of us and of course i forgive her shes my daughter but he said he cant stand her being here after all shes done and wanted to make her feel uncomfortable so she would leave but i dont believe that i want to but i dont really know what to do i love him and i love her and we are all living in the same house so it is not a very comfortable situation i am very nervous and unhappy and i dont know what to do i asked my daughter and she told me to stay and that she didnt think he meant it but i think shes afraid i will be lonely and hurt please any advice would be great but please dont be mean just tell me what you would do thank you all for reading and just writing this makes me feel a little better.

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      Pani Midnyte Odinposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      DUMP HIM! Plain and simple, he has no right to treat your daughter like that.

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      ThatGirlFrankieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You owe it to your daughter to leave him. I have personally been here, and let me tell you, it didn't stop. My mom stayed and instead taught me lessons of betrayal, and perverted self worth. Show your daughter she's more. No man will EVER take away the guilt you will have if you show your daughter that your okay with her being treated that way. YOU should not be okay with being treated this way. He is disrespecting you and your daughter. Be fired up. Kick is lowlife pathetic sack to the curb!

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      Deborah Sextonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      ____________________________________________________________________
      If he said he doesn't like your daughter, he is trying to make you feel comfortable so you don't know he does like her. He is deflecting.
      
      He also probably does want her to move out. Not because he doesn't like her, but so he can visit her without you around.
      
      I am sorry he has treated you this way.

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      Disturbiaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Dump this guy in a hurry.  Any man who says something inappropriate to your daughter is NOT A MAN YOU WANT TO BE AROUND!

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      rhamsonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      The guy is a major D*#K.  If he told you he said these things to her to manipulate her into leaving,  what kind of manipulation is he using with you to keep you under his control?
      
      Loneliness is tough by any measure but living with a dishonest partner can isolate you from a deep relationship that is just as lonely.

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      shout to shoutposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It's simple, they are both trying to get attention.  Your daughter will bad mouth him, he'll bad mouth her, at the end of the day, You'll know what's true and will act upon it correctly.  Not everything is a movie!  You need  to follow your heart and mind.

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      belmaundposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hello honey, my heart goes out to you so much.  I will share with you the best way to get to the bottom of this....but do this only if you really want to know and are prepared, because you will get your answer.
      
      "Ask God (outloud), please reveal to me the truth about  (add their names), show me all that has transpired between them and reveal to me the truth behind the lies", and reveal this to me in a way I will consciously understand and know it is coming from you God.
      
      or however you choose to word this.  I have shared this "trick" will a lot of people concerning a lot of subjects and have received positive feedback and many thank yous.  Remember to ask only one question at a time, so as not to get confused and please let me know how it turns out.
      much love, bel

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   Kenrick Chatmanposted 14 years ago

   Do not leave your daughter in the same house with your husband if you leave. You both leave together.
   
   I believe he wants you to leave so he can hopefully get with or at least have intercourse with your daughter since she is now of legal age.

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   Dale Mazurekposted 14 years ago

   Im not really sure why you even have to ask this here.
   
   Seems cut and dry to me
   
   Dale

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      Inspiration101posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you. I was going to say the exact same thing.
      
      Firedup, you know what you need to do. He got caught. He lied. Of course he's going to say anything to try and get himself out of this whole. Did you expect him to admit to you that he wants your daughter?? Leave him and find a man who has some respect. Including for you and your daughter.

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   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Well, let me first start off by Welcoming you to HubPages.
   
   Secondly, I think there is a severe trust issue going on. Especially, if he is trying to proposition your daughter and makes you look bad in the process.
   
   I don't care what he has to say in his defense. It's simply bad form. It shows a lack of respect for you and your daughter.
   
   Your daughter did the right thing by recording him. I can understand it's been a long relationship, but this one might have run it's course. He obviously has his mind on something younger, and apparently it's been on his mind for a while now.
   
   As for trying to figure out if he is lying? It's simple. Look at the action you can prove that he did. It doesn't matter 'WHY' he did, even if he has problems with her. He should be damn adult and handle it maturely. His stunt, if it was a stunt, wouldn't have been done in that manner. He had no way of knowing, seeing her being offended, because he didn't care.
   
   So, is that someone you want to be around or have around your daughter?  As for your daughter being worried about whether or not, you are alone? Well, if he goes, then there is just the two of you...right? Then you have each other.
   
   Well, you asked, I told. I hope you find a solution.

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   Alya roseposted 14 years ago

   Leave him I say,at first it only starts with talk of wanting your daughter, but believe me it will become a need and sooner or later he will try to force himself on her.Don't leave your daughter alone with him for even a second.A second is all it takes.

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   ForkArtJunkieposted 14 years ago

   No. doubt. Get rid of him! Don't you deserve better than that? I feel sorry for your daughter as well. Really, you would be so much better off, even alone. I just can't fathom why you would even think about staying with him.

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   blondepoetposted 14 years ago

   You have to kick him to the kerb. Family is the most important thing.No question about this at all.

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   IzzyMposted 14 years ago

   I agree with everyone else here. You might still be in love with him and that makes it more difficult, but your relationship with him is over. I do not see how it could ever recover from this. If you try and stay with him, this will lie between you forevermore, and there will come a time when you will be suspicious of your daughter who has done absolutely the right thing by recording this and bringing it to your attention. If she recorded it this time, does that not suggest to you that he has said this or something similar to her before? She was ready for him this time, clever girl, and got the evidence on tape.

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   Black Lillyposted 14 years ago

   I think it's just a very strong sign that you've been blind, both with regards to your daughter and your ... ahem.. "love". Whether you choose to remain blind is your decision, and must be made NOW.

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    AnythingArtzyposted 14 years ago

    First red flag for me was when you said they hate each other and she's done things to you both in the past. Children are very perceptive and I'm wondering if she was reacting to "something" early on that may have happened without your knowledge.

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    marcel285posted 14 years ago

    DITCH THE DICK...Sorry but that is just so wrong.

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    Betty Reidposted 14 years ago

    I agree.  Whether he really wants to be with her or just wants to upset her, his actions are totally inappropriate.  This is not a good situation for you or your daughter.  Your husband needs help, but not from you.

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    A Texanposted 14 years ago

    Uh, you really don't know what to do?

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    manlypoetrymanposted 14 years ago

    I think you really wanted to just talk with someone about this...there is nothing wrong with that. Now kick the bum out of the house for this awful and sickening behavior....for good!
    
    On an editorial note..."firedup"...and not really being rude either...since we are all reading each others postings. Please add a period every now and then into a sentence. Not to be a b_tt-head...but just to help your writings a little...even if this is a "Forum".

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    Mrvoodooposted 14 years ago

    Be Gone, and stay gone.
    
    As Izzy above said if she's taped this, then it ain't the first time.

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    Lynda Garyposted 14 years ago

    I wrote a hub some time back about this: http://hubpages.com/hub/Help-My-Daughte … n-Molested
    
    Though the hub infers that it applies to younger children, the advice in it applies to ANY aged child.
    
    Your situation is difficult, and I understand the conflicting "love" you feel.  Let me just suggest, however, that you may be in love with a man who doesn't exist.  In other words, you are either in love with the man he used to be, or you are in love with the man you WANT him to be.
    
    If you truly believe you love a man who would seduce your child (at any age), then you need to take a hard look at how much you value yourself.  Are you not entitled to love and be loved by someone who respects you?
    
    You said that your husband talked about how much he dislikes the daughter, wants her to move out, etc., and in your mind, this doesn't jive with him "wanting" her.  Look at it this way:  What else would he say to you?  Would he just be up front and say, "I think she should leave because she turns me on?"  He's not going to say that.
    
    I lived with a similar situation for a very short time.  When I recognized what was happening, I had a private conversation with my nearly adult daughter -- and we left.  I could NEVER look at that man the same again.  His true colors were revealed, and I knew I didn't "love" the ACTUAL man -- the person he really was.
    
    You, too, need to look at your situation through a different pair of glasses than the one's you've been wearing.  And remember:  It doesn't MATTER that you've only been married a year, that you WANT the marriage to work, that the "problem" would be solved if your daughter lived elsewhere.  None of that matters.  The only thing that matters is WHO you are married to, what he is capable of doing, and the welfare of your child.

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    exquisitestillposted 14 years ago

    Honey YOUR daughter will ALWAYS be YOUR daughter!That man could have come on to anyone in the world, and he chose to come on to your daughter! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!

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    PackSecureposted 14 years ago

    Show him the door.

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    JeanMeriamposted 14 years ago

    As a mother of a 19 year old daughter all I can think is that I can't even believe you're asking this.

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       Faybe Bayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Hey Jean, the original poster doesn't even exist any more, but if they did I say dump him.

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          JeanMeriamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          A drive-by poster! Still can't believe someone would even ask what they should do.

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             Faybe Bayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             I know! Kid or husband... hmmm let me think? Not a chance for a second husband at that!

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    _cheryl_posted 14 years ago

    Wow, I'd take my daughter and leave. There's no thought process required for my response to this situation. Regardless of how much time is invested into the relationship, this is clear evidence that there is complete lack of respect for you. He'd be considered a waste of my time and energy after learning this info.

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    habeeposted 14 years ago

    Kick his a$$!! Then kick his a$$ out!!

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    Shadesbreathposted 14 years ago

    Yep, like everyone else said, you need to dump him.  He's poison.  It's not love, it's desperation or low self esteem or fear of being alone or fear of change and the unknown... something other than what love is supposed to be that keeps you there.  So, suck it up and get out so the healing can start.

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    delilah tomsonposted 14 years ago

    To firedup: Obviously, everyone here wants you to dump the low life and move on. Some... in not so many words, but straight forward and blunt. And I think from what I read on your post, there seems to be a trusting issue between you and your daughter. I don't want to sound like a psychiatrist, but it seems to me that this might have been an ongoing thing with this man and your daughter. It seems to me that he may have propositioned her about the matter at hand several times, and that's the reason why she took the tape recorder and recorded him. My question is... would you have believed your daughter if she told you that he was suggesting and saying all these things to her without the proof she provided to you? Your daughter is 'NOT' the problem! You said, that you've had so many problems with your daughter and him. She's not the problem! The problem is the low-life pedifile that you married. Be careful! Some men will marry women just to get to their daughters. Trust me! I've seen so many cases where the daughters are molested right under the mothers noses by their boyfriends, stepfathers, and they won't see it and refuse to acknowledge it, even after the daughter tells the mom that she's been molested. Any man who tells you that he loves you and does that behind your back, is not a man. And you shouldn't think twice about this situation. Your daughter did the right thing! That shows that she loves and cares for you a lot more than your so-called husband. Do the right thing! There are decent men out there, that will treat you and your daughter with respect.

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    Lecieposted 14 years ago

    she probably has not liked him because he's said things like this to her in the past even when she was under age. that's probably why she finally made the wise move to record him. he probably hates her because she's been turning him down all of this time.
    if he really started this when she was under age, then what your married to is a child preditor. you must get him out of your house right away. now that he's been exposed there's no telling what he could do. you and especially your daughter are in great danger. he obviously doesn't love you and has violated your motherhood and daughter bond. you should overcome your feelings toward him and open your eyes to all of this.
    good luck and stay safe. if he starts to get violent call the police immediatly.

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       reeltaulkposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I agree you have hit the nail right on the head!  Over come you feelings is correct, you can't sincerely love him.  The feelings will eventually pass and you will feel so much better as well as happier

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    flread45posted 14 years ago

    Your daughter can still file sexual harrassment on him and also,if he does this and gets away with it,just a matter of time before he gets caught in a molestation sting.
    The dude is sick and needs help,and also this incident needs to be addressed to the local police,even though your daughter is 20.It comes down to RAPE  RAPE  RAPE.His next course of action..

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    Mileeposted 14 years ago

    How terrible for your daughter to be put in this position. If you think it's hard for you, think how hard it is for your daughter. You are married to aa Asshole who has crossed a line he can never return back.  If he's saying these things to her, he's saying them to someone else too. Do yourself the biggest favor. KICK HIM TO THE CURB.  The marriage is over.
    Husbands can come and go but our children are forever.

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    Poppa Bluesposted 14 years ago

    Sounds like he is telling you what he wants, so why would you even consider staying with someone that doesn't love you?

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    Deborah Sextonposted 14 years ago

    Your daughter may not be telling you all. Children are sometimes afraid to tell what has happened to them. Especially when it is the dad or step-dad that is involved.
    She may not want to "break your heart".
    
    Talk to your daughter. Let her know she can tell you anything and everything and you will not be angry with her.
    
    If he has been with you for 11+ years..he may have molested her.
    You might want to take her to a therapist..she will be more likely to speak candidly to a professional.
    
    Read my first comment to you here:
    http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/37482?page=2#post946680

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       woolman60posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       hey everybody,
       
       "Sorry that user no longer exists" is posted when you click to check her hubs.

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