What is more important in a marriage - passion or stability?

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   sarahsherlockposted 14 years ago

   This is a long debate that I have been having with somebody I work with - I would be interested to hear your views!

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      Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      passion fades, stability will help you get to the bathroom when you start soiling yourself

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      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      stability.

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      diegowarddposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Deleted
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         SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         the link you posted is for a teeth whitening product....?

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            Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            When you see things like that....hit report as SPAM and that will let HubPages Staff to know to remove it.

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               Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               perhaps the person is trying to say that only when one has pure white teeth can one keep the passion in a relationship strong

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                  Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  Teeth whitening always give stability to your passion. it works like a charm! Just try it!
                  Why, I say, why did they delete that??? Now somebody will miss the chance of strong relationship with stability and white teeth!

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                     Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     exactly!
                     
                     That is why as part of my nighttime regiment, i apply toothpaste throughout the surface of my person.
                     
                     It not only gives me a minty odor, it also helps protect my calf muscles from gingivitis

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                        Rajab Nsubugaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                        Greek One, do away with the gingivitis and remain with want?

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      leebertteaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If there's passion, there will be stability! So passion definitely.

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      Ben Evansposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I dont think it is so cut and dried.  Just passion and just stability are small parts of a marriage.  You have to genuinely love the person and you have to be willing to work hard at making the relationship thrive.
      
      I think passion and love are two different things.  Passion is want and love is willingness to give.

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         earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Ben, I like your definitions. "Love is a doing thing."

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            Ben Evansposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Hey, thank you Earnest.
            
            I beleive good marriage is a commitment.

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      Bechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It is my opinion that passion and stability must go together.  You both are right.  Passion isn't just sex, it is sensuality.  When you get old and tired sex doesn't always exist.  However you can always be romantic, passionate, conversations with your oatmeal.  You also will always want to know that your partner will be there forever.  That is trust.  Got to have the trust to make a relationship work.  No trust no commitment.  So make a toast and let the debate be over, you both win.  It is a great conversation for a night out.

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      andromidaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      passion between a couple needs to be stable-so, both are important.In fact, stability supplement passion in the long run.

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      fireball*posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Passion and stability are both essentials when it comes to marriage.A stable marriage with out passion is like a flower made of plastic.It's beautiful to look at but there is no fragrance.

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         Nera Woodsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         i liked how you said it, fireball. Even if we're at a mature age now, we try to kindle the passion every now and then....

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   Saving Someoneposted 14 years ago

   As shocking as it may sound, the advice my mother gave me was marry for money love fades, I married for love we struggle(a lot)
   but at this point in my life I feel I made the right decision.

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   Polly Cposted 14 years ago

   The lust and passion you have in the first stages of a relationship does change as time goes on, for most people I believe. However, that doesn't mean it should disappear, it is just different, not so intense. Stability is very important in a long term relationship.

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   Greek Oneposted 14 years ago

   passion does change.. it turns into the warm confort of familar disappointment

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      alternate poetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      
      
      I recently met a couple who have been married over forty years who still display loads of passion for each other - weirdest pair I have ever met !

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      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yup.
      predictability.
      yay, I knew you wouldnt come home today....

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   Polly Cposted 14 years ago

   Of course there still has to be love, otherwise what's the point.....actually I think the  passion grows into a deeper kind of love (not disappointment, Greek One!!)

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      sarahsherlockposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      But do you think if the passion's gone that marrying for stability is accepting second best?

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         Polly Cposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         No, I don't mean that the passion has gone away completely, just that the lust you have at the beginning when you are all over each other and don't care about anything else...that changes usually I think. I have been in the same relationship for 17 years, and I can say that it is totally different now than it was at the beginning. For one thing we have children and that is a definite passion killer, believe me! But that doesn't mean that the love has gone.
         
         If the passion has gone completely I would think that is a problem, and if there is no love then marrying for stability doesn't seem like a good idea.

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         rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         if there's no stability, there's little chance the marriage will last. I would rather have both, but passion fades and blooms like a season, stability is the freedom to be who you are and grow together. passion can end up being selfish and the relationship fizzles.

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      Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yes, that deeper kind of love.. the type that gets into your bones and your very being as you age together... that is called "Arthritis"

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         Polly Cposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Haha, Oh Cynical One! And I do not have arthritis..not yet, anyway, I'll let you know if I become inflicted and you can record it as one of the perils of long term relationships...

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   Rafiniposted 14 years ago

   If my marriage is any indicator...the obvious answer would be Stability!
   
   (my ex-mother-in-law kept telling me her son - my ex - was VERY passionate about everything he did!)

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   Polly Cposted 14 years ago

   The most important thing is love....whether you love someone enough to want to be together and work through things when there is a problem, as there inevitably will be sometimes..

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   Kathryn LJposted 14 years ago

   Why can't you have passion and stability?  Or is that expecting the moon on a stick?

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      Polly Cposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You can and you should have both, but those crazy, passionate early days do tend to calm down a bit, that's all I meant.

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      Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      oddly enough, when i was single, my favorite come on line was "Can I put my stick in your moon?"
      
      (that's how I got the nic name "Greek One")
      
      

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         ceciliabeltranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         i just found out what greek bends mean...greek bends mean gay

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            Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            You mean happy?

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               Rajab Nsubugaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               If "gay" meant "happiness", is Sab Oh happy?

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   calpol25posted 14 years ago

   Passion does calm down a bit in a marriage but the main things to any marriage or relationship are honesty, love and trust with these passion and stability stem from. No relationship can survive without them as they are all very important lol

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    waynetposted 14 years ago

    Well it is advisable to be stable whilst administering passion, cos if you aren't stable you could fall off and damage your willy or god knows what!

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       Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       

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    Joni Douglasposted 14 years ago

    Are those the only choices?

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    SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years ago

    i think like life, relationships go through various changes and stages.  Stability is good of course, but the passion needs to be revived from time to time - part of the relationship equation is the sexual intimacy.  Passion in the beginning is 'a given'.  Passion can be defined a few ways, such as a passion for life, various interests developed or initiated over time as we grow.  I think some marriages don't make it (sometimes) because it grows stale and one person may seek more out of life and if they can pull it off - bring their partner with them for the ride.  People who stay together for years can also be faced with getting to know each other again when the children are gone - I think this can be a tricky time of life.  I've listened to retired people (some people retire early these days) speak about how their partner does not have much in common with them and they may have another 20 years or more together - so reviving that passion (in many ways) is pretty important I think.  And knowing how to do it is the trick and when to do it. Most of us just want to be happy and live life to the fullest (however that is defined by each of us) and if we are doing that with our partner, well that's even better.  my 2 cents again....

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       sarahsherlockposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       That's a very mature view and I think you are right. Relationships do shift and change over time. The unfortunate thing about the situation I am thinking of is that the passion has gone but the wedding is looming. I had some similar doubts and worries before my own wedding but I'm struggling to advise on whether it would be right to go through with it under these circumtances. I'm not sure I would!

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          SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          not enough info to respond.  passion is gone. about to get married?  with the wedding looming that alone should kick start some passion for life - new life to begin together, intimacy, closeness?  are they friends, length of relationship?...etc...

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             SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             and....sometimes it's better to just let the cards fall where they will.  she may not be ready to hear your words - you kno that 'timing' thing.  Timing it seems to always get in the way.

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    ceciliabeltranposted 14 years ago

    when in doubt don't. it's not about the groom. it's about you.

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    Disturbiaposted 14 years ago

    Marry for money... passion fades, stability gets boring. 
    
    However, if money is not an option, given a choice, I would take passion over stability any day of the week.  What is life without passion?  I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life in boring stability.  Might as well join a convent.

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    BRIAN SLATERposted 14 years ago

    All relationships need passion running through them, but a stable relationship will help it to last longer than a tempestuous one. When you have been married for a period of time passion seems to go out the door, what with children, after school activities, cooking and looking after the home takes its toll on a relationship. It appears that you have lost touch with each other but in reality the passion is still there waiting to re-emerge again if you still love each other. Many marriages re kindle their passion for each other after the kids have left home. I know this is true.My wife and I never ever mention stability to each other but passion or our passion for each other is there most days.

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       poetlorraineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       aw that is lovely, you should go away for a romantic weekend together,

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    Originposted 14 years ago

    In my eyes it's sort of hard to have one without the other, such as with hot and cold.

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       sarahsherlockposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I guess 'warm' has to be possible!

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    poetlorraineposted 14 years ago

    stability first,then a close second passion.

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    Pandoras Boxposted 14 years ago

    Sarah. Passion changes through the years. Eventually it becomes stronger and deeper than it ever could have been earlier on.
    
    Yer friend doesn't have to decide between love and stability, she has to decide if a) she loves him, and b) she wants to go where he's going, either cuz that's where she was going anyway or because she loves him enough to make it worth it and c) she wants to spend the remainder of her life with him.
    
    We can love a wide range of people. It's easy to love. However, it ain't so easy to live with 24/7/365/forever.

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    magdafloasiuposted 14 years ago

    It is true: passion fades, it goes away little by little, year after year. suddenly you realise that your husband is just your partner. but if there was once love, you will find in your husband a great partner, friend and you will be supporting each other. this kind of marriage will never end. it is naturally transforming two people once in love in two people respecting each other, walking hand in hand on the same road.
    beside this, if there is only love for money, than you will realise some day that you have no partner, not being supported by anyone and walking alone on a dusty road. it is a sad story, but this is the real life. to win something you have to choose what you are going to lose.

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    Shil1978posted 14 years ago

    How about: trust, communication, respect for each other, giving space, etc. IMHO, these are far more important!

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    Home Girlposted 14 years ago

    Have it both and make it last!

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    donotfearposted 14 years ago

    I think stability fuels passion. Mix the two together and you have a successful relationship.

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    sarahsherlockposted 14 years ago

    Well, she's gone for stability rather than passion I didn't expect but I guess security lasts longer!

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    Justine76posted 14 years ago

    You need respect and honesty. The rest is useless without those other two.

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       sarahsherlockposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       You're absolutely right but can any relationship survive without passion?

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          Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

          sure it can. like, ANY relaitonshop. As far as lovers go, I do think it can survive without passion. It depends on the individuals how important it is.  but I dont think passion can survive without trust.

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    stevewongposted 14 years ago

    Here is an excerpt on passion from my favorite craiglist article.  Here is an excerpt, and it is written by a gentle who is mourning his love:
    
    This was supposed to happen when we are old and gray. Its not fair that there are couples out there that don't even want to be together and they take their time for granted. I loved you every day and I dedicated everything I am to living an incredible life with you. It is not f--king fair.
    
    I miss you. Everything I am, every thing I have, the world as I see it, has the memory of you in it. I cant believe that life has decided to �punish� me, for loving someone so much that I actually did what I said I was going to do, by making me live our dreams with out you. I guess it really is true that you cant have everything, because for a little while there, We truly had everything we needed and wanted.
    
    This article has brought me to tears.  You can read the entire article here:
    This was supposed to happen when we are old and gray. Its not fair that there are couples out there that don�t even want to be together and they take their time for granted. I loved you every day and I dedicated everything I am to living an incredible life with you. It is not fucking fair.
    
    I miss you. Everything I am, every thing I have, the world as I see it, has the memory of you in it. I cant believe that life has decided to �punish� me, for loving someone so much that I actually did what I said I was going to do, by making me live our dreams with out you. I guess it really is true that you cant have everything, because for a little while there, We truly had everything we needed and wanted.
    
    If you go to google and type the following phrase, you will fine the article
    
    craigslist i miss you i love you

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    sarahsherlockposted 14 years ago

    She chose stability! Fingers crossed that the passion can be re-ignited!

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    ahorsebackposted 14 years ago

    Stability only works for long term dreamers of love , most can't handle the weeks  beyond lust  and passion, Thats when so many lose the chance for real love........

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