Being a romantic-at-heart woman, I just love giving and receiving flowers. Yet, for some very strange reason, the men in my life, past and present, could not or would not give me flowers? Why is that? I know it is not because they don't love or cherish me, but somehow they seem to find it silly. What's your view please.
I've given my wife real flowers a couple of times. After seeing this forum topic I asked her what her view on it was and she told me it was nice, but it wasn't something she ordinarily wanted me to be spending money on.
awww....big thumb up for giving your nice wife bunches of flowers...and another big thumb up for asking her view on this topic, just to show you really care about her feelings. I am afraid I must be less practical a person, but really we aren't talking about a lot of money and we aren't talking about a lot of flowers. My partner and I have been going out for two years and living together for the past 6 months, not one petal from him, lol.
That's been my experience with a lot of people's thinking too. The real problem is that people who think flowers are a waste of money and "only die anyway" are people who also think that appreciating the beauty of flowers is "silly". The can have a superior attitude when it comes to who is "silly and sentimental" ("like a lot of women") and who is "practical and sensible" ("like men tend to be"). People (women AND men) who know that appreciating the beauty of flowers isn't "silly and sentimental and" at all don't see flowers as a waste of money.
People who go through life incapable of appreciating the beauty of Nature are actually the ones who "have a problem". (Besides, would it kill anyone to give someone else what he knows she likes, rather than to inflict his own lack of appreciation on the person he's giving a gift to? That's where that "sense-of-superiority" in thinking comes in.
I do not find it difficult at all! I frequently give flowers, sometimes plants. One year just prior to Valentine's Day, a coworker mentioned that she had never been given flowers of any kind for Valentine's. Another said that she hadn't either. So on Valentine's Day I brought roses to work and gave each woman that worked for me a single rose. You could see the thrill in their eyes! Worth every penny!
Most men know very little about flowers so they are conscious of that when faced with selecting a gift. (and being seen carrying them by their mates ) As a result... It's far easier to get seats at a sporting event.. (NOW that's a Manly Gift )
My husband had rather give me live flowers that can be planted. And actually, the practical side of me prefers this type. I'd rather have a hanging basket to go on my deck than a bouquet of cut flowers!
In my opinion, most men wanted their gift to last for a long period of time. My experience was i only gave flower once that's for every girl(past and present). it also because i don't have that much knowledge on flowers and i know for the fact that flowers wither so i rather give a dress or something.
wow, i didn't know this was such a huge common problem among most couples. i guess i have less dating experience than I previously thought. I can't say I ever had this problem, but I did get stood up once by a girl on the first date when I bought her a bouquet of roses to meet her with. of course, that was like four or five years ago I think. Hardly, worth thinking about, as I just laugh about it now. After all, as a fried once told me, when god gives you aids, you make LEMONAIDS! Get it? lol.
I can't say I really get reverse psychology so please bear with my slow wit here ......if you told him you hate getting flowers, why then did he do it??? But I must say that's a very impressive end result you've got there. I definitely need some more coaching on this reverse psychology thing
My ex was generous with flowers when we were dating, but as a married man - he decided it wasn't important anymore. He told me there was no longer a reason to because we were married. My Mr Right is generous with flowers especially since we married. Live and cut
I think men don't give flowers simply because it does not occur to them. If receiving flowers is important to you, I think you have to spell it out fairly explicitly to the man in your life if he is not a natural flower-giver.
it's just very nice to receive flowers, even it it's only a wildflower picked along the way...
but also I do enjoy potted plants to add to the garden. I like habee's suggestion also of a beautiful planter or hanging basket, or a flowering bush. it's so cheerful to look on the patio and see living flowers.
I never understood the idea behind receiving flowers from a man, to me it isn't practical. A live plant is practical, but it doesn't say "I love you" to me....
On the flip side, when my youngest son was 4 or 5, and we were at the drug store a few days before Valentines Day, I caught him eyeing the single long stem roses and then glancing back at me out of the corner of his eye. I asked him if he wanted one and he nodded his head, so I let him pick one out. After we got home he gave it to me and I was blown away. Ever since then (until 2-3 yrs ago) he gave me flowers for every holiday and birthday and progressed to buying (cheap) jewelry.
All I can say is, I was happy to be his guinea pig.
What a nice point about little sons. Those of us who have had four/five-year-old sons have often seen that being given flowers does mean "I love you" (or at least means, "I'm hoping these make you feel happy." ) Sometimes "some mother's son" stays that way. Sometimes the world/society has more influence on them than is, maybe, good. (Remind me to throw out the recently-dried-up flowers my 28-year-old son gave me not long ago. )
I definitely agree that flowers aren't the most practical thing in the world, but I think it's nice when people "skip practical" on occasion, and just go with "this-is-just-a-nice-thing".
Yeah, the funny thing was the bought flowers seemed more special to me than the wildflowers the kids had picked for me on occasion, but I really don't understand why since I prefer wildflowers over bought flowers....
That was so sweet Rafini, good on you for raising one of the male species who is not reluctant to showing his affection. What a thoughtful son! I don't have children but I my cats often brought home butterflies, birds or lizards for me to tell me they loved me very much. xo
If pubs promoted drinks with a free rose every round, there would be a lot of very happy partners out there. Bought flowers are soooooooo expensive and guys don't see the point. Plus they don't help themselves by only buying them when they've done something wrong, usually from a garage, with the price still on. Not that I'm at all bitter.
I hear you Kathryn.... At least you still get the flowers from the garage! lol, maybe we should start working on the garages to upgrade their flower range? and stop them from sticking price tags onto the plastic wrapping?
One important thing I learned is that there are different ways of expressing love, i.e.
- by tactile means, with kisses and hugs (and sex) - by the spoken word - by giving material things (gifts) - by caring for the person's needs
Each one of us has one or dominant preferences, the way we express love to others - and that's also the way we expect others to express their love.
If a couple is mismatched in their preferences, they can doubt each other's love even if they really love each other - because they're misinterpreting each other's expressions of love.
My husband is a tactile and caring person, whereas I'm (surprise, surprise) more verbal. In his own mind, he's expressing his love constantly - but I used to get upset that he never said "I love you". He will now, occasionally, but it has less value because I know it's not spontaneous.
Neither of us has a strong "material" preference so I don't mind not getting flowers - they are criminally expensive and last five minutes, so what's the point? The only time I complain is when everyone else in the office is getting them and I'm not - which is not about love, it's about status.
Usually guys don't give flowers because they don't want to reward you. They may act approving to avoid drama, but deep down... misery=heck no I will not get her flowers or she will think "I am happy with her just as she is". Then how will we end the nagging?
Some years ago the Washington Post ran a competition around Valentine's Day asking for a two line rhyme with the most romantic first line and the least romantic second line. I came across the results to this competition...