Married for the kids?

Jump to Last Post 1-7 of 7 discussions (15 posts)
  1. katiem2 profile image58
    katiem2posted 8 years ago

    How many married couples do you think are truly happy?

    Are you a married person who has remained in an unhappy union?

    Do you know someone who's remained in an unhappy union?

    If so why?

    1. alexandriaruthk profile image76
      alexandriaruthkposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I just think that happiness comes within you and not dependent in a relationship for that matter!

      1. katiem2 profile image58
        katiem2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

        You can never expect to find your individual happiness at the hand of another.

        The question is this, many people enter marriage for the wrong reasons, and amoung those people, how many stay and live with the mistake?

  2. LeanMan profile image87
    LeanManposted 8 years ago

    I did 10 years hard labour for the "sake of the kids"... Then I realised I was wasting my life....

    1. katiem2 profile image58
      katiem2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Good for you, I honestly feel the kids are NOT better off if a couple is miserable together...  smile

  3. Rafini profile image87
    Rafiniposted 8 years ago

    Oh my.  What an interesting question.

    If and when people get married for the wrong reasons I think they will remain married (longer) for the wrong reasons.  I know I married for the wrong reasons & stayed married for 10 years until I:

    1. Realized I didn't love him - and that I didn't truly know what love was
    2. Accepted I was being abused
    3. Acknowledged my kids were living in an abusive home
    4. Understood my fighting back didn't stop me from being abused
    5. Determined my best option was to get a divorce

    Reasons are different for everyone, as to why they remain in an unhappy marriage....

    1. katiem2 profile image58
      katiem2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      FANTASTIC and POWERFUL answer.  Thanks so much as I KNOW you've helped a lot of people who will read this.   Peace smile

  4. donotfear profile image88
    donotfearposted 8 years ago

    I'm one of those that stayed married 'for the kids'......only thing is, staying married 'for the kids' damaged them more than leaving would have done!  Stayed in that farce of a ridiculous marriage for 12 years. Married the guy, who was 10 yrs older, had a baby right off the bat (I already had a son from a former marriage..he had a son & daughter). What a nightmare. I was too emotionally immature to handle it in the first place.  He was verbally abusive to my son, who eventually moved away to my Mom's because of him. Then he had my daughter so dependent on him, she didn't want to do anything without him. Needless to say, when I finally got the guts to say "F*** you, YOU move out, my son is living with me & if you don't like it, cram it!" (His mouth dropped open 3 inches) my poor kids were already damaged by his toxic views & personality, as well as myself.

    I wish I'd had the self esteem and courage to leave earlier. Better yet, I wish I had made better choices because my kids paid for my mistake.

    Oh, my son is doing well now at age 32, but suffered from a severe social phobia for years. He still struggles with it now, but he has recognized the causes and feels good about himself.

    As for my daughter, she's still living with her Dad at age 28 in a codependent relationship raising my 4 yr old grandson. She's suffered from addiction, depression, and many other problems.  And yes, I blame myself for much of it. Not the choices she makes now, but the crap I put her through that subjected her to the type molding that created it.

    Now, I'll take a deep breath and .......

    1. katiem2 profile image58
      katiem2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You did it and that's all that matters, Imagine those who are still in such positions and staying.

      I'm impressed with you and appreciate your contributions to this thread, you've made it stronger, better and more helpful

      Peace smile

  5. Spacey Gracey profile image35
    Spacey Graceyposted 8 years ago

    What a good question. I got married at 21. We've been married for nearly 7 years, but been together for 12 years. There have definitely been tough times when we have stayed together 'for the kids'. In the last couple of years family & health problems had made life tough, and we weren't getting on, and if it had just been us then I think we would've split. But when I imagined trying to explain to the kids why we weren't together anymore, the reasons sounded pretty weak, so we toughed it out, and I'm really glad we did.

    I think our marriage is pretty normal, with good and bad bits, and its surprising what a marriage can get through. But I can completely understand that for some there comes a point where the benefit to the kids of having two parents in the same home, does not out-weigh the personal cost for those adults.

    Other people sharing their stories is really helpful for young couples. I honestly only remember my Mum and Dad arguing once in my whole life. My Grandad swears he and my Nan never had a cross-word, and I can believe it. This freaked me out when my husband and I started having rows about whose turn it was to do the ironing. Then I read other people's tales of infedelity and domestic abuse, and remember how lucky I am.

    Sorry to waffle - the glass of wine in me clearly took over at some point.

    1. katiem2 profile image58
      katiem2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Nope your contribution is a great one and one a bet many will relate to.  Thank You for sharing and I hope you all the happiness life can bring from here on out!  Peace smile

  6. profile image0
    Kathryn LJposted 8 years ago

    My first marriage lasted 23 years, until the death of my husband.  There were times when we really had to work hard on the relationship and yes the kids were a big factor in keeping us together through the darkest days.  I can't help thinking that people use the kids as an excuse not to terminate a relationship that they know is toxic.  Walking away can be a brave step.

    1. katiem2 profile image58
      katiem2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Nice, I agree with the brave step, kids suffer from fighting and people really don't have to do that much. I once knew someone who said "everybody fights and yells on a daily basis right?"  WOW what denial!  I hope not...

      Peace smile

  7. donotfear profile image88
    donotfearposted 8 years ago

    Being married is just plain hard, with or without kids. I've been with current hubby 12 years, no kids at home. We share grandkids & have had some conflict over them, but not serious.

    Our biggest hurdle was fighting our differences. All marriages have them. You just have to concentrate on the similarities between you instead of the differences. Difference causes division but a common denominator can bridge the gap. And if you have a hard time finding any similarities, think about what you married for in the the first place.

    Sometimes we don't even like each other...heck, it hasn't been that long that we were really far apart in spirit. So far, in fact, I considered going it alone again. But miracles DO happen. Good books like 'The Five Love Languages', using common courtesy, and being aware of how you come across to your mate can open the door to a new beginning.

    1. katiem2 profile image58
      katiem2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Smiling now, thanks smile

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)