I'm deeply hurting!

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  1. profile image51
    gabbymensposted 13 years ago

    I and my boyfriend have dated for almost six years now. four mothns ago, he came on an usual visits when i was very andgry with my siblings at home so i extended my anger on hi. Later, i called to apologise and he forgave me. Since then he has been pulling away from me. He hardly calls me, text and even visit as he used to.

    I've approaced him several times crying, apologising and asking him what the problem is but he gives me no sensible raeson why he is acting that way. He visits once a while & during the visits he touches me like he used to. The moment he leaves he becomes very cold towards. I call him but gives me cold shoulders and i end up hurting my emotions. I've done all i can to make him love me like he used to but all to no avail.

    I've decided to stop calling him but the urge of calling him is so strong. What do I do. Pls help advise me.

    1. Bikash jha profile image61
      Bikash jhaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      HEY not exactly like you said but the way my girl avoided me was similar and later on she married some body else no matter how hard i tried to stop her, and i still think it was my fault , all i am trying to tell you is you will never ever be able to let it go, but you have too because he is not like you and didnt feel the way you do, kind my girlfriend was
      i dont know why i am posting this when i have asked similar question in one of my post, but i thought sharing might help
      just let him go although this will hurt you but trust me i am not fully recovered from my previous breakup ( which happened a month ago) i can feel how you will feel

    2. the pink umbrella profile image76
      the pink umbrellaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      The hardest thing ever to do is to not call him. I know this from experience.  All i can tell you is a slightly similar situation i went through. My boyfriend at the time of 5 years was a little upset that i wasnt getting along with my parents and moved out of their house. We ended up having a fight about it because he just couldnt see why i moved out.  I tried everything i could to make him see that i loved him, and that nothing had changed between us. I was living at my aunts who i didnt know very well, and needed someone around that really loved me, but i just couldnt take his weird behavior...he was acting the same way you are describibg yours is acting. All lovey dovie until he would go to leave, and then i hardly got a "g'bye" before he was walking to his car. So the next time he called, i didnt answer, and so he called again a few days later. I picked up and told him i was dealing with enough and didnt need him screwing with my head. Not 2 weeks later, because i wouldnt pick up the phone, he created a myspace account, and pretty muched begged me to talk to him. After that, there was no weirdness. You kind of have to force the distance so that they can have a chance to miss you, and be afraid that you might not need them. I cant tell you how many times i would go to his number in my contact list, and have my thumb on send for like 15 minutes, fighting with mysself not to call. And the worst is when they call you, because you want to find out so bad what they have to say. But if its important and they really want to talk, they will leave a message, wont they? I mean, it worked for me, shockingly so because i was always the one to makeup after a fight. Hang in there baby, if you force some distance, and he dosnt care, then you will know that its over anyway. I know that seems impossible because you cant fathom how he could not love you like he always did. My heart is breaking for you because ive been through this more than once.

    3. profile image0
      gutsygogaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hey there,

      When you love someone and they change with the wind remember it is not you and don't take it personally.I am a mother with 4 children and been married twice and have had several relationships until I met the man of my dreams 15 months ago and he finished our love fest on Friday morning over the phone saying you are amazing and you deserve better etc etc....a cop out.He is very confused and possibly Ego got in the way not to mention a consuming family.SO I have forgiven him as the pressures are too much and unfortunately is a door mat to others and did not VALUE me...I suggest hang in there but you must believe you are af value and deserve to be treated well

      I have a great book which always helps me to be STRONG during these times.It is called "It's called a breakup because it is broken" written by the co author of "He"s not that into you"...very empowering!!!

      Space is good too....I have decided to repect the decision fo my partner who said he loved me after every phone call and wanted to be with me for 30 years!!!I do not want contact and am Moving on....I am happy and other people's life when they are confused can cause you to be upset ,thus.it is better without complications so I now turn to self help books and friends my daughters and family and work and walking and movies are a great escape too....reading  and loving life without depending on someone else!!

      TRY IT!! and Take care.

    4. aro7 profile image57
      aro7posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      well i think you should let him be for now  and stop calling him, it more like his being looking for away out of the relationship. my dear as you side you've been together for four years, four years to me is long enough to know yourselves too well believe me my dear the fact that you were angry with your siblings the last time he visited has nothing to do with his coldness towards you. just let him fly for now, if he comes back to you then his yours but if he doesn't then his made a choice some where else. be strong his not the only guy on earth!!!

    5. leeberttea profile image57
      leebertteaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You could date me and make him jealous.

    6. Phenomenal woman profile image60
      Phenomenal womanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I understand your pain.But the worst thing in the world is loving someone who doesn't love you back.You have to move on.My guy just broke up with me,Im hurting,missing him so badly and want to call so bad.But,thats where we mess up at.You have to completely ignore him.Don't be so available.When you get the urge to call,do what I do.Take a drive to your favorite place.Or write your feelings out on paper and put it away.Doing this will make or break the situation all together.He will either wonder why your not bothering him,worry and come back.Or he will be relieved and go on.Either way,you will benefit,I know it doesn't seem that way now.But why would you want just part of him.He's not offering all of himself to you.Only when it is convienant for him.Thats not right.Do your thing girl,venture out.I've been going to the bar partying with strangers and having the time of my life,I feel better about myself and my situation.I still miss him,but its slowly fading.I even changed my number so he won't try to call later and disturb my healing process.Because they will,trust me.Do you,forget about him.It's time to live again,theres a good man out there waiting for you.Message me if you need to talk.You'll be just fine.  Nikki

  2. Haunty profile image75
    Hauntyposted 13 years ago

    What do you mean you've dated for six years? I'm sorry, but what's your outcome for this relationship? Really.

    1. the pink umbrella profile image76
      the pink umbrellaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, your insnsative, arent you? Im going on 8 years without being married to mine yet. Judgie.

  3. SomewayOuttaHere profile image61
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years ago

    ...could be that there is someone else in the picture...and he's messed up...changing so quickly indicates some turmoil to me...and guilt is a heavy load for people to carry...

  4. JBeadle profile image82
    JBeadleposted 13 years ago

    I'd just move on.  I know that is one of those easier said than done things... but from what you've written there doesn't seem to be much of a future with this guy.  Keep yourself focused on other things - work, study, fun stuff even.  Time heals.  Hopefully someone else will come along who is more in line with you and your wants and needs.  A partnership.  This guy sounds like a ball and chain and you're hanging on to what were happier times but no longer there.

  5. tjhooper profile image61
    tjhooperposted 13 years ago

    give him a choice. He can either explain why he's acting so cold, or you can just leave and find someone better. If he Truly cares about you, he'll talk to you when you ask him too. If he could care less then you don't need to be with him. Why be with someone who doesn't care about you?? That's just foolish and you can do better.

  6. Portia Patrice profile image60
    Portia Patriceposted 13 years ago

    So sorry you're hurting. But the more you hang on, the worse it will be. Cut him loose. If he comes back and treats you like you deserve fine, if he doesn't...at least he won't hurt you anymore. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's bored. Not with you necessarily, but the relationship. After 6 years if you aren't married, it's time to find someone who wants you for you. Not what he can get from you.

  7. akirchner profile image91
    akirchnerposted 13 years ago

    I agree somewhat with the other folks but also feel in any relationship there is a 'you know something's wrong point'.  Even if you don't know why at the moment or who is specifically to blame, it is important to step back and let the chips fall where they may. 

    "Running after" someone is usually counterproductive as it leads to more rejection and hurts even more - been there and done that. Trying to get on with your OWN life sometimes is the best choice - and if things work out with your mate, that is great.  If not, you saved yourself in the long run a lot more heartache. 

    Relationships can't be based on begging someone for love or attention - it has to be a 2-way street.  That is my humble opinion and one that I employ and still employ if ANY relationship goes sour. One person cannot sustain a relationship and it does take both parties - but they have to be willing parties.  I wish you much luck - and much love! There is nothing as wonderful as having a relationship work.

  8. dawnM profile image57
    dawnMposted 13 years ago

    The question is this why would you want to be with someone who is treating you like this aren’t you worth more than that?  You need to understand that you can find someone who loves you and treats you with respect.  After six years no marriage proposal and then this!!!!!!!!!

    He is gone and you don't want him back, pick yourself up brush yourself off and move forward in your life.  Start loving yourself because you are worth it and let him makes someone else's live miserable.

  9. liljen23 profile image78
    liljen23posted 13 years ago

    Gabby, the hardest part is letting go and since you have a history with him it will be tough. If he is treating you like this and you have expressed how deeply you care and love him and he still didn't budge then he have lost his feelings towards you. He may have someone else but tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. Afterwards, just move on..

  10. Joy56 profile image68
    Joy56posted 13 years ago

    if he can only keep a relationship with you when you are feeling good, then hey what's the use in that.  I would say you deserve much better.

  11. lucycharlotte profile image59
    lucycharlotteposted 13 years ago

    Read My Blog!

    1. Inside Guys Mind profile image64
      Inside Guys Mindposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Most of the answers on here are from individuals who don't have a clue about men and attraction and how it really works.

      1. He's no longer emotionally attracted to you.  This usually happens for all sort of reasons but primarily because of your level of self love.  In order for you to get results, your ratio of the way you think, believe and respond to yourself must be sky high.

      2. Go to the library, search online for hours and find every single material you can about mastering your self and your life will change.  You are trying to deal with the situation with the same mentality that caused it to breakup.  Stop doing this.

      If you are experiencing conflict, disagreement, tension or have an area in your life/relationship that is often filled with struggle, you may want to become the solution you are searching for.

  12. mz. linz profile image61
    mz. linzposted 13 years ago

    Sounds to me you know its over before its actually over.  For some reason these horrible things happen and us loving women keep trying to hold on.  I will not tell you to give up if there is still hope, but I will tell you the pain will go away with time.  I know from experience what heartache feels like and it is the most horrible feeling you will probably ever feel.  In time your heart will heal dear.  Try to be honest with yourself.  6 years is a long time for a relationship.  If he is acting like this over something so small and you apologized numerous times for it, 9 times out of 10 its probably something else he is too cowardly to tell you.  You will be ok.  Try to keep yourself busy and keep your friends close in these times.  You always need your friends.

  13. Tickle Toes profile image56
    Tickle Toesposted 13 years ago

    Diffcult when in this situation, you love the guy life will fall apart without him wont it? Er actually no, might even be a whole lot better. Take the plung jump off that cliff ( believe the buzz word at the moment is 'empower' yourself)All corny I know and so so easy for us muppets to say, but true...Good luck and updates please!

  14. fucsia profile image59
    fucsiaposted 13 years ago

    I do not think the problem is your behavior. Maybe it is just an excuse to get away from you. It would be very important to talk in this case. In my opinion you must call him, but not in tears....  You must be calm, tell him that you want only speak, without judging him


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