Can You Love A Person Too Much

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   adrienne2posted 14 years ago

   Can you love someone to much even when you know the person is not good for you?

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      Glenn Raymondposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think you can ever love anyone too much.  Love is the one energy that never dies.  We were created from love, to love.  Love is an unconditional energy that heals everything it goes into.  It is the one constant energy in the universe that we are all capable of. 
      
      There is good and bad in all of us, we choose what we do with those two things, but to love someone even though they might do something bad is the one best thing that might bring them back to doing good, the one thing that they have to hold on to which may teach them how important good, and love are.  It is one energy that may save their soul. 
      
      Sure, we get let down, hurt, even angry when they do something bad.  To continue to love them anyway is a lot like a candle glow in the darkness in a blizzard, it just might get them to the house before they freeze to death.  I hope I'm making sense here and that something I have said helps to answere your question.  Just remember unconditional love is the only constant energy that keeps us together and close to "good."

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         adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Glenn,
         
         This makes alot of sense to me.  It certainly cleared up some questions I have had about being so deeply in love with this person.

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         heart4thewordposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         That was very good!  I loved the way you worded, your perception of love:)
         
         I do have to say, there have been times, when I have loved too much.  It is hard when you are with a person who is only a taker, they drain your love dry.  Sometimes you don't even realize how empty you are, until you have no energy.
         
         But I agree with you...in that even loving them, when they are unloveable, shows them a love they may have never experienced.  They were used to having their walls us, keeping people at a distance.  Almost as if they are testing, to see if a person will love them no matter what, even in their worst state. (For many people in this state of mind, they don't realize how loved they were...until the person has left them.) 
         
         There comes a time, when we have to have enough love and respect for ourselves, to not let a person destroy the love we have to give to others.  Love must survive!  We do yearn to love and be loved, this is what helps us live:)

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      leebertteaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      What does love mean to you?
      
      No. you can't love a person too much, but you can show too much affection and become more of an abuser by stalking that person or forcing yourself upon that person. Sometimes love is letting go, it involves trust and allowing that person to be that person and loving them just for that.

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         Glenn Raymondposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         leeberttea,
         
         Very well said!  I like the way you think!

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         adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         @leeberttea It is amazing that you mentioned love is letting go, because that is exactly what I had to do in order for him to help himself, and for him to get on his feet to do what he needed to do to get better.  It is now 2 years later, and he is doing so much better, and I am just as in love with him now just as the first time I saw him.

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      rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not sure that would be love, it could be a co-dependency which is based more on fear than love, afraid of losing part of yourself.
      
      love is defined in a lot of different ways, but if you know someone is not good for you.. I think sometimes we don't really love the person, we love the concept of love. we want our love to change their nature. but it's not real. does that make sense?

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         adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         @rebekah I know its love, but at the same time I know he is not good for me, because of how over barring he can be. I recently reconnected with this person just as a friend.

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      absolutely, you shouldn't love someone who isn't good for  you---try to distance yourself if you can

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      skyfireposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      No.

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      agagliaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I suppose you need to think about what kind of love you are asking for. Is it agape love - the love that God gives us and that we can share - loving unconditionally without thought or expectation of returned love.
           Is it passionate love that makes you feel all gooy and tickly inside. If so, you want that love reciprocated by the object of your affection.
           Is it the love as in , "I just LOVE chocolate", which is more of an intense liking for something, but can turn into addiction and a physical need for MORE.
         Each type of love will tell you if can have enough or too much.

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   akirchnerposted 14 years ago

   I don't think you can love 'too much' but some people maybe love in the 'wrong way'.  Meaning that they allow people to get away with things such as abuse or domination and then think it is part of love to let someone walk all over them.  To me, that is loving in the 'wrong way', not setting boundaries, etc. or letting someone get away with murder.
   
   Loving too much though in a healthy, give-and-take relationship - no way! It is like saying can you breathe too much? I also believe that the more you love, the more love comes back to you.  You have to be a very open person to truly love and by being open, you allow yourself the luxury of endless possibilities.

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      Glenn Raymondposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I like your thinking as well, akirchner.  It all comes down to there has got to be love.  The degrees and ways in which it is applied is the key factor to the original question.  Blessings to you all.

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      Sassypoeticposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      We were made in the image of God.. Which means he loves unconditionally.. Even when doing all  kinds of  wrong he continues to love us. No, we can never love too much. Love is beautiful; however we must remember that love should never hurt. We must think with our minds and not our hearts many times. we can continue to love; but know when to walk away..

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         adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         @Sassypoetic All of you have made some very good points. You stated knowing when to walk away, that is exactly what my mind is telling me that I will always love him, but I have to walk away.

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      adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @akirchner There in lies the problem, you hit the nail on the head.  My love for him is healthy, but his love for me can be in the wrong way, and that is way I stated he is not good for me.  He can be dominating, and that is not loving a person in the right way.

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         Lisa HWposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         adrienne, respectfully (and it's only my own opinion anyway, so I'm not even suggesting I'm right in it), I don't think having even what feels like a "healthy kind of love" for someone, who doesn't make you feel as if the love and sense of wellbeing you get in return is also healthy and whole, is as healthy a love as it may seem to be to you (as you consider only what you know you offer him.  I think what you feel toward him may be real as far loving someone else goes, but what one person "sends in the direction of another person" is only a fraction of what makes up the "overall love" that makes it a "relationship", rather than just two separate people sending "whatever they send" in the direction of the other.  With the right kind of "relationship love", both people feel loved, fulfilled, and happy (at least as far the love issue goes).  That isn't saying that life is perfect.  The mutual love at the core of the relationship should be, though.
         
         I once read that respect and admiration are always present when love is the right kind of love.  Being dominating isn't respect.  I don't think it's a matter of loving too much.  I think it's a matter of loving the wrong person or loving someone who doesn't deserve your love.   I think if a person feels like she's loving someone who is wrong or who doesn't deserve it, then, yes, she's loving that person too much.  Again, just a personal opinion (obviously).
         
         (There's a difference between someone who lets us down and someone who just plain doesn't make us feel very loved.)

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   leebertteaposted 14 years ago

   Yeah, no one ever said love was easy. Sometimes we have to do the hard thing, even when it hurts.

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      adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @leeberttea OMG does it hurt so bad, but I know its the right thing to do. Sometimes it just makes me wonder if I will love someone else in that "girlish head over hills" type of love. Thanks for sharing.

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         leebertteaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Of course you will! It takes time but it will happen. Losing a love is like a death, you have to go through the stages of grief and eventually you'll be open to a new relationship.

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      bsscorpio8posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      No one said it had to be hard either.

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   wildorangeflowerposted 14 years ago

   Too much maybe is a word that means loving another person above yourself.
   I like to love without limit, and that I am happy doing it.

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      leebertteaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I like no limits too!

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         wildorangeflowerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Aren't we all like it? Hi leeberttea, your username is nice.

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            leebertteaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            TY!

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            Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I always love too much to the point of becoming very blind to the faults and deficiencies of that person. Well, may be it's a part of being a woman, I don't know.

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               adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

               @Home Girl There you go! And thats my nature to love blindly beyond their faults, but I am better at talking about how I feel, and I am learning to follow my head, and not my heart in situations such as this.

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   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   
   very true,better to meet someone who will enjoy the love and not use it to manipulate and ensnare their partners. 
   
   I personally think when we know someone is bad for us, it's best to let them go completely. especially someone who is controlling and manipulative, they will only try it again..

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      adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @rebekah Its funny how you guys are mentioning certain points without my saying how he is.  He was controlling with me when we were in a relationship before, but now that he has gotten help, I am just wondering if I  should allow him back, and if the old habits will creep back up?

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   leebertteaposted 14 years ago

   When you love somebody, you love them with their faults. If those faults cause you distress, you have to decide if you're willing to live with them. There are no guarantees that he will change, though it's certainly possible. How much time are you willing to invest to help him make that change? What if he never makes it? If you love him enough you'll take him the way he is.

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      adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @leeberttea Those are very good questions, I know I love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him, but thats my heart talking.  My head tells me to let him go, and just stay friends the way we are now.

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   Cheeky Girlposted 14 years ago

   Sometimes loving someone also means accepting other things about them, accepting the flaws too. And they are thinking similar. It's okay to love unconditionally, but it can be an issue too.
   
   If you love a person who you know is not good for you, that means your heart says yes, but your head objects, and puts its foot down. Go with the feelings, or go with what your mind or what other people or signs are telling you.
   
   Sometimes we weigh up those doubts and we try to minimize them to acceptable small size only to find later, they were always only big issues. Don't try to change what can't be changed. Love is always a risk, and people are not always rational. Rationalizing love is not easy. If yo have doubts, ask why, and fix the "why" bit. You'll know more then. Cheers.

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      adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @cheeky Girl I am so glad to have asked this question here on HP.  This thread has really confirmed what my head has been telling me all along. Each person who posted their feeling on the matter will never know how much your answers has helped.
      
      I did go through the process of trying to minimize the issue, but every time I tried my head was saying no, keep things the way they are.

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   bsscorpio8posted 14 years ago

   No, you cannot love someone too much. Though you will run into problems if you love someone and EXPECT something in return, or if you claim to love someone all the while not not loving yourself.

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   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   you might have to keep saying that as you will probably try to minimize it again and again until you let it go its course. I have a few love poems as hubs, one of them is about where does love go when you let it go. with distance, it will be easier.

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      adrienne2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @rebekah Oooh I will have to read your poems will look for them now. Thanks.

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    dashingscorpioposted 14 years ago

    I don't think it's possible to love someone too much.
    No one ever say you love your parents or child too much.
    Ironically this question usually only comes up with regard to loving a mate or spouse too much.
    
    Genearlly speaking people think you're loving someone too much if you overlook their flaws, do more for them then they do for you, provide financial help with no chance of being paid back, forgiving them over and over again for cheating on you or simply being inconsiderate to being physically abused...etc
    
    The truth is these people don't love someone too much.
    They simply don't love themselves enough!
    Personally speaking I have never been in a relationship where I was getting too much love.

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    Rafiniposted 14 years ago

    At this time in my life, I would say yes.  You can love a person too much, especially if that person isn't good for you, hurts you, abuses you and yet you aren't capable of walking away because you 'love' them.
    
    imho - Loving someone too much isn't a healthy state of being.

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    fucsiaposted 14 years ago

    No ... when this happens I believe that we can not talk of love: need, obsession, insecurity ... perhaps these are more appropriate names. Very often behind there are unconscious mechanisms that make us choose the wrong relationship to solve a problem usually related to childhood. And we think it is love.

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    klarawieckposted 14 years ago

    I had a boyfriend once that loved me so much he became obsessed with me. It got really creepy! lol

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    ahorsebackposted 14 years ago

    So many know how  to love too much [emotionally] , especially women, it matters not whether that person loves in return the same or not, You just have to be able to accept that you are over investing and thats fine , you just have to be "ok" with it. good luck........

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    camloposted 14 years ago

    I've known of love turning to possessiveness, and that is too much.

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    ahorsebackposted 14 years ago

    It's really to bad all this other stuff gets included in the "love " category , possesiveness, stalking , love out of balance !, thats not love . Love is just love, Not many are going to succeed anyway.......Though it always amazes me which ones do........

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       camloposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Well, I don't think anyone can love another person too much if it is true love, and that love grows. But sometimes it grows the wrong way ...

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    ahorsebackposted 14 years ago

    In truth we are born alone
    and to die alone as well.....
    But love in life can be shared
    though only for this life........

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    Internetwriter62posted 14 years ago

    There is no such thing as too much love, when it is truly love. Obsession is a whole other matter and that can be destructive. Love should feel good and you can never get too much of a good thing.

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