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How do you deal with a person who lies. Specially if the person is the one you love.
Depends on the kind of lies. Worst case scenario; re-evaluate your emotions towards this person.
Is it ok for a person to lie frequently? How can you trust then? Whether small or big a lie is a lie and it creates a feeling of insecurity. Is it necessary to nip it in the bud when its young or should i let it be and focus on other things of this person? Can i anyways assist in changing the behaviour of this person?
I don't get into the forums other than short bursts and I don't give advice. I'm only replying here because you said "the person is the one you love"
Like I said I don't give advice. So what do you want to do? If the lies are not a part of your world then why hold on to the person? either you are going to live with it or not. The other persons drama is not yours so either you can live with the other person as they are, lies and all, or you can't and you need your own space.
It may seem complicated to you if you are caught in someones drama but really it's not complicated at all. You have a life, this is it, it's not a rehearsal it's the real thing. So what are you going to do about YOU? not about the other person but about you.
What do you need to make you happy?
Well, you can either sit down with them and ask why they don't value you enough to be honest, or you can just stop taking ANYTHING this person says seriously.
Like,literally, just blow everything this person says off, since you obviously can't rely on what comes out of his or her mouth. So stop listening.
I'd try to talk with them first, but if you have tried and they just don't care how you feel and won't stop lying, and you can't for whatever reason rid yourself of this person who treats like crap in this way, then at least just stop listening to them. Cover your ears when they talk, "la la la la la, I'm not listening to you. You are a liar." Seriously.
I've lived with liars. Liars can change, but usually they don't want to. It usually just gets worse, because it's an illness. Those who have lied that were a part of my life, are forever cut off from me. I think we're both happy with that decision.
After a point telling lies is like an addiction, without their knowledge it flows. Needs to be treated like another bad habit and worked on, needs continuous monitoring, have worked with a teenager with this problem , he is now gone of the habit, can be changed .
There are various levels though... where you may have to get professional help
I take the time necessary to get to know a person thoroughly [b]before[b] I enter into a relationship with her. If she shows evidence of being a habitual liar, I drop her like hot potato. I don't even bother to become involved with her. Lying is one fault that I simply will not tolerate.
Thank you all for your thoughts. Really appreciate it. I guess i and we all have to live with the liars and move on i guess...
You can't change them....just change your own attitude and live the way YOU wish to.
To lie to somebody means to show him/her how little you respect him and his opinion. Stay away!
Once they start lying, nothing can be taken as the truth ever again!
Typically lying (or lieing) is not the only destructive behavior the liar is engaged in. What other things does this person engage in that make you concerned? Is there substance abuse going on?
I guess it's possible the person is a straight-up sociopath, tho. In that case, you are definitely up against the wall.
If the person will agree to getting help (psychological)that's great. But they (and you) have a long, uphill climb.
Good luck! MM
When children lie, it's usually just because they're kids. Kids aren't sure of themselves, and they don't always have the maturity to be "brave enough" to tell the truth. Or, with little kids, some lying is actually a part of their development, as they learn to sort out fantasy, truth, and lies. It's only my opinion, but I think parents should let children know they don't believe the lies (otherwise, children learn that people believe lies and that is pays off - neither of which is usually true). I think, though, parents can say something like, "I don't really feel like I can believe what you just said, but I know children sometimes can't make themselves feel brave enough to tell the truth." or "That was an interesting story you just made up."
With grown-ups, I don't think there's anything you can do. You can let them think you believe them, and they'll keep it up; or you can call them on the lies, but don't expect a liar to turn honest - so what's the point. Most liars gives off any number of hints that they're full of baloney. It's just what they do, and they don't even know they're doing it. (It's why there are people like criminal profilers and experts in body language and choice of words.) You can see it online when someone is full of baloney: There are all kinds of obvious clues (at least obvious to anyone who HAS a clue ). So, I figure, let him spin their tangled webs. Most people see what they're doing. They look like fools. Their lies may work for a while, but inevitably, whatever baloney they're trying to pass off as true doesn't hold water; and liars lose the trust of family and friends, lose readers or listeners, etc. So, let 'em lie. The joke is usually on them in any number of ways.
I would move on if I were with someone that lies. Trust is very important to relationships.
I lived with a liar for 30+ years - it destroys your relationship and it can destroy you if you are not careful. I consider myself a very strong person but it took me a few years to get over it, and it has not stopped even though the only connection left between us are the grown up kids.
You need to understand that a liar actually believes what they are saying, so reasoning with them will not help. If you can you should stop loving and move on.
I once met a woman who confessed to me that she was married to a man who couldn't tell the truth if it popped out of his nderpants and sex with female truths.
She told me that he had a bunch of friends that encouraged him to lie becasue teling lies was ok.
She said some lies he told were small but others were quite big and duped a lot of people who believed his homeboy charm. She even thought some of her man's lies might have caused a few deaths but that she'd rather not think of that because she had to get on with living a comfortable life in a big house.
I said maybe it's time to divorce little George Bushy tail.
Hey Alt P.
Hope you're well and glad you got over your experience. You're a good man with a good soul and I hope your getting the happiness you deserve now.
thanks Joe Bad . . more than over it - I am in heaven with bells on now !
glad to hear it!
Did you hear that priceless bit of news here in the UK? On the day that Cameron announced he was slashing child benefit the Banks announce they were paying £7 billion out in bonuses.
Which part of a liar do you love? There is a thin line between love and infatuation. Some times lies aren't lies but fore-thoughts that their truths is determined by time.
When people lie it's usually beause of hurt or hurts, assuming. Many times its trying to understand how to communicate with that person. Lies are very damaging when you don't know all the facts.
Well Said.... Thanks for the info, I try to understand why other people do this...
Pathalogical lying is serious. It's a snare, just like any other addiction. Once it starts at an early age, it progresses, unless treated appropriately. I say confront the person regularly when they lie to your face. Ignoring it or remaining in denial is only enabling them to continue lying.
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