Dating someone twice your age

1. 68

   petertheknightposted 13 years ago

   Ummm...is it completely gross to get involved with someone that is twice your age?  lol  There is this guy that likes me, but I feel like he is just hitting on me for my body.  I am 23 and he is 45.  Thanks!
   
   Sometimes I am comfortable with him, but he keeps trying to do more than just your typical touch and hug.  He has been a very good friend of mine for several years, but I think he is falling for me and I just don't look at him like that.
   
   Should I avoid him?  I thought taking a little break might make my intentions clear.

   report
   1. 68

      petertheknightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I am also talking to a guy that is 1 or two years younger then myself.  I think that would be a little more appropriate.

      report
   2. 78

      Stina Caxeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It's not completely gross as long as both of you want it.  Sounds like you don't so tell him, don't tease.  The longer you let it go on the more he is going to think it's okay and that he has a chance with you.

      report
   3. 60

      cobrienposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I would definitely avoid him for a while. It sounds like he is having a midlife crisis and is falling for or fantasizing about you. Give him time to cool his heals and move on.

      report
   4. 0

      Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Well Peter, it's sound like you found yourself in quite a conundrum.  I too once was intimate someone that was much older than me, but she was merely using me at the time.  However, I won't bother boring you with that story.  I will say that in regards to your situation, as I told you before about the dating sites, the important thing is what do you want.  at the end of the day, your not always going to make everyone happy with the choices you make in life.  that's why it's important you have to do what's best for yourself.  if you truly don't want to be with this guy, then you need to have a serious talk with him.
      
      Tell him that what happened that one night you were drunk was just that.  You were just drunk, and that as much as you care about him as a friend, that you just don't see him that way.  Then apologize for the other time when you messed around with him after that, and that you never meant to lead him on.  Sure, he'll be mad at first, but im sure if your deeply sincere, then he'll understand.  If not, then I would try to cut all ties with him completely.  I know it'll be hard for you but in the long run, you'll be better off.  Besides if you really like this younger guy, then having your older friend constantly trying to chase after you may complicate things.  That's why I think it's important you have to do what's best for you. 
      
      Anyways, i hope that helps.

      report
      1. 68

         petertheknightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         That is the best advice I have gotten so far.  Thank you.  I actually did talk to him tonight and made my intentions clear.  I told him I need some time and to please not contact me.  I still think we can be friends but only at a professional level.
         
         He said that he was there for me and to not feel bad.  Take the time I need.

         report
   5. 0

      perkinupposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It sounds like you've answered your own question ... you don't feel that way about him. The fair thing to do is to make it clear and then get on with your dating life.

      report
2. 57

   Dame Scribeposted 13 years ago

   Tell him to calm down and behave lol. All kidding aside, you have a right to say NO. Nothing wrong with setting boundaries and if necessary - cutting all contact.

   report
   1. 68

      petertheknightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I disappointed him quite a bit today.  I would not stay in bed with him or shower or let him touch me.  So, he is getting how I work.  lol  Thanks everyone.

      report
      1. 81

         TamCorposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Okay, I'm confused...First you said:
         
         
         
         Then you said:
         
         
         
         
         If you don't want anything beyond the "typical touch and hug", WHY are you in bed with him? 
         
         I kinda feel bad for him, if you're giving off these mixed signals...  
         
         If you don't care enough for him, that's fine, but geez, don't lead him on by sleeping with him(I'm guessing you are, anyway).  He seems to be reading more into the situation than you are, so if he's as good of a friend as you say, you REALLY need to be honest with him...no more games, because games are only fun when they're not at someone else's expense...

         report
         1. 68

            petertheknightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            That is why I quit messing with him.  The first time I was DRUNK...and I have never been drunk in my whole life so we both too advantage there, but then when I was sober and fully myself I was a little less flirtatious.
            
            I am just going to stay away for a while.  I need to sort this out for myself.  It's not exactly something I should be sharing with people.

            report
3. 93

   habeeposted 13 years ago

   The age difference isn't the problem - the fact that you're not attracted to him is!

   report
4. 44

   Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

   If you aren't in to older guys, tell him.

   report
5. 59

   Disturbiaposted 13 years ago

   LOL, oh please... I got into a marriage of convenience when I was 18 to a man in his 60s.  He was attractive, intelligent, and a complete freak.  He had lots of money and I had the time of my life with him.  Age is only a number.  What's important is what's inside your head, how well you get along, and how much fun you have together. 
   
   If you don't want to be more than friends, tell him.  Don't be stringing him along making him think there is more to this relationship than there is.

   report
6. 0

   Neville Walkposted 13 years ago

   Ever since I was young, I have only attracted pensioners.  I don't know what it is, but no one under 70 has ever been attracted to me.  This can be somewhat disheartening.  I am 38 now, and am attracted to older guys, in their 40s or 50s, but I do have standards.  Having their own teeth is a must, whilst having personal memories of the day Queen Victoria died will always ring alarm bells that perhaps they are a little too old for me.

   report
7. 65

   prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

   as long as you are happy with them

   report
8. 77

   Uninvited Writerposted 13 years ago

   Not many people twice my age around any more

   report
   1. 87

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      LOL...you and me both!!

      report
      1. 63

         Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Trust me...    You don't want to see the guy that's half my age, and you REALLY wouldn't want to date him.   

         report
9. 71

   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   I have never dated someone twice my age, however, I've date quite a few women who were older than me.
   
   The only experience I have any relation to is that of my aunt, who married a man who was 40 years older than she was at the time.

   report
10. 60

    recommend1posted 13 years ago

    Age is nothing to do with anything except mechanics of life - My soon to be wife is less than half my age - in fact the same age as my very first long term girlfriend when I was 15 years old - 45 years ago.

    report
    1. 59

       SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       ...so you're only 90?  ....hey baby!.....wink....wink....i didn't know pandas lived that long........
       
       ....i know what you said...just teasin' ya!

       report
11. 63

    Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

    Maybe I have far more self-esteem than I ought to have, but any time a guy substantially (SUBSTANTIALLY - not a few years) older than I has ever seemed to be seeing me as a potential "date" (or whatever), I've always thought the same things:
    
    1.  "Is there some reason you think someone as young I am would be at all interested in YOU??!!!" 
    
    and
    
    2.  "What are you - some kind of weirdo who doesn't view me as 'young enough to be his daughter'; and who would either be fine with your daughter dating some old guy, or else would not be fine with it if it were your daughter, but who doesn't care when it comes to someone else's daughter?"   
    
    and
    
    3.  Are you someone who has been so immune to the maturation process that usually sets over x number of years that your emotional growth was stunted, so you don't feel mature enough to have outgrown people my age?
    
    and, of course
    
    4.  "What - do you think whatever money you have is something I give a rat's read-end about, to the point where I'd be willing to go out with you just because of your money?  What an insult to my character!!"
    
    
    BUT of someone doesn't mind "A Daddy" or "A Granddaddy" or a "Sugar Daddy"....   to each his own, I guess.   

    report
    1. 60

       recommend1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I think you mistake self esteem for preconceptions.  When you say why would you, as a younger person be interested in him  - the problem is normally the other way around - why would someone with the understanding and experience of age be intersted in a young person who doesn't know their a$$ from their head.  For someone older to be interested in you would require you to show more maturity than your post displays.
       
       The single issue that you can only see an older guy as a sugar daddy only says something about you.

       report
12. 0

    ralwusposted 13 years ago

    OMG! Twice my age . . . that would be a woman who is 120 years old. I don't think so.

    report
    1. 63

       Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this

           A "honey" twice my age wouldn't be a whole lot younger than your 120-year potential "honey".  Maybe we could arrange to fix the two of them up.  Maybe they could load some WW I tunes into their iPods, or find a Mary Pickford video on YouTube....     

       report
13. 68

    petertheknightposted 13 years ago

    Can I get a moderator to delete this forum?  Perhaps it is too late but I would like it to be at least locked if at all possible.  Thanks.

    report
    1. 0

       Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       they can't delete the forum once people start posting comments in it.  as i said earlier, the only way would've been if you had deleted it immediately before anyone else could post or reply to you.  now, it's too late.  sorry.  the only advice i can give you is to contact the hubpages staff to have the thread closed down to where nobody else can post in it.  sure, the thread will still always be there but since it'll be closed down, then the popularity of it will decrease as well.  causing it to come up less in search results on google and such.  unfortunately, that would be your best option right now...

       report
       1. 60

          recommend1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I am not so sure you are right about that - I am pretty sure that I have seen a thread disappear completely before.

          report
          1. 0

             Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

             well I'm merely speaking from previous experience, as I've started AND deleted threads doing exactly what I just said.  However, I'm pretty sure you can't delete a thread once people post comments on it.  if that were the case, then it would make a lot more sense for administrators to delete the thread completely instead of closing it down, to where it's still visible but nobody else can comment in it.  Wouldn't you agree?

             report
14. 38

    dianne143posted 13 years ago

    You have to talk to him and ask him how he feels about you cos if ever he felt more than friends its not what you feel bout him.
    
    It's better to be straight forward than to make him have wrong hopes

    report
15. 70

    Iontachposted 13 years ago

    Well if you begin to like him then why not! It doesn't matter so much that he's twice your age once you are mentally on the same boat and both of similar maturity. Make sure he doesnt just want you for your body and age though.

    report
16. 0

    Lady_Eposted 13 years ago

    Age shouldn't make any difference - it's the heart that counts.
    
    I will post a link below and if you have time - read the comments. Some people shared with me their real experiences, some even asking for advice - but I hope you find it useful.
    
    Love - Who cares about Age Difference
    http://hubpages.com/t/145a8e

    report
17. 60

    paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

    "Dating someone twice your age"
    
    Seen this thread forever…
    
    I must respond despite category.
    
    "Me 12. Her 24. Teenager heaven..." I mean seriously...
    
    Sorry.

    report