You want to settle down to a matrimonial life. Now, would marry someone who is verbally abusive to you always and show no ounce respect for you during your courtship?
Absolutely not. If they treat you like that now, they will be 10 times worst after the wedding.
If you allow that behaviour to continue, you may even be sending your partner the message that you like being treated that way.
If they have other redeeming features, you may find the relationship worth it in spite of everything, but say no way to marriage - it's too hard to get out of when it all goes really wrong.
how much money do they have, is there a pre-nup, and are they very elderly or ill?
if that is the case why are you even considering marrage, much less friendship with that abusive person. if it is that bad now. Living togeather will only amplify it times 100. Run away, very far away!
No, It's a serious red flag that no one should ignore.
Sometimes they don't show their true colors until after you have made the committment.
My first response would be to say no, do not marry someone who is verbally or physically abusive to you, but unfortunately it is not always that cut and dry. Men who are abusive are also often manipulative. And often it is difficult to tell in an argument if what is being said is just venting anger in the heat of the fight, or if it is abuse. We all say things when we are angry that we don't really mean. However, respect is very important in a relationship and the lack of it can be devastating.
No, no, no, and hell no!
No self respecting human being (male or female) would voluntarily stay with an abusive partner. If they do, it's either because they live in an oppressive society where escape is not an option (such as tribal Pakistan, where women are routinely killed for seeking divorces), or it's because their self-respect is so damaged (often by abusive parents) that they consciously or unconsciously believe that they don't deserve anything better.
Absolutely not! Abuse is never okay and if your partner doesn't stop you need to leave.
We don't consciously choose our partners. We are attracted to people who reflect aspects of ourselves we love or hate about ourselves and we then in effect form relations with them in order to deal with these aspects of ourselves that are normally repressed.
It is therefore more complicated than you first imagine and though it is easy for people to make value judgements about another's choices it is not their call. Nobody knows what is best for you except you and sometimes what appears negative is actually what you need in order to progress spiritually.
"Nobody knows what is best for you except you and sometimes what appears negative is actually what you need in order to progress spiritually."
The idea that someone needs verbal abuse to progress spiritually is awful advice.
Who is the judge of that? You? Since when did you you become God?
I think we should help others feel like they don't have to put up with abusive relationships. Suggesting that verbal abuse might not only be tolerated, but also possibly embraced as "needed" by people in order to grow is ludicrous and potentially dangerous advice.
"The idea that someone needs verbal abuse to progress spiritually is awful advice."
If somebody is already in a verbally abusive relationship, sure, they may be able to "progress spiritually" in some way as a result. But it's not a type of "spiritual progress" that anyone should actively seek, and the possibility of "spiritual growth" as a result of one's suffering does not negate the need for the abused person to get the h*** out of Dodge, for the sake of their own health and sanity and that of any children who may be involved.
Regarding abuse as some sort of "cross to bear" and staying in an abusive relationship as a result of some misguided belief that the more you suffer, the better a person you are isn't "spiritual," it's sick. God helps those who help themselves.
"Regarding abuse as some sort of "cross to bear" and staying in an abusive relationship as a result of some misguided belief that the more you suffer, the better a person you are isn't "spiritual," it's sick. God helps those who help themselves."
Nobody is advocating masochism here and you are reacting rather than carefully considering what is actually being said.
Nobody has the right to tell anyone else what is best for them. What is right for you may not be for another but by judging everyone and their needs by your own life is what what has the world in the mess it is in now.
Each person must make their own minds up and though you may not understand or agree with another person's choices you have no right to interfere. The best advice you can give anyone is for them to listen to their inner source of wisdom and for us to refrain form judging people lest we ourselves be judged!
I find you views in this thread highly judgemental and not in the least bit showing any tolerance for anyone elses's opinions unless they agree with yours.
Perhaps you should question why you have the need to be so self righteous and judgemental of others!
Every opinion, then, can be taken as judgmental of others. I think that anyone has the right to disagree entirely with me...that's what a forum is at least partly about, right?
I get your point, but the "let's leave others to suffer because it's their right to do so" perspective is passive to a fault. The best advice you can give someone in an abusive relationship is to get out.
Incidentally, everyone has the right to tell others what to do; we just don't have the right to demand they listen.
No way! I wouldn't even spend time in the company of a verbal abuser. These people cause emotional damage that leaves scars every bit as painful as the people who abuse others physically.
It importance of settling down with someone that has good character is irrefutable. Why should a man or woman abuse his or her partner. There's a possibility that an abusive partner may have grown in a dysfunctional home. And It will be advisable to seek the assistance of professional counselor to help combat this negative behavior or it may lead to somethings worse in the future. The mistake a lot of us make today is to enter into serious relationship with an abusive spouse with a notion that the person will change later. What make you so sure. Have you ask yourself if you can always tolerate the abuses? What if you can, what happens when you start having kids. That's the foundation of dysfunctional homes some many children comes from. Having said all these, you want to read this hub to know the importance of marrying someone that has good behavior. Who wouldn't abuse you or your family members anyhow. Click on the URL below
http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Importance- … lationship
People's instincts never change. Each person always has the choice of making a decision to make him/her life better without having the need to accuse or blame the dysfunctional parents for their situations. It is also important to know what lies behind the mask that the other person is wearing before marriage.
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